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AIBU?

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Original poster

AiBU to decline sun hol with relatives due to food timings?

312 replies

user1471554720 · 17/05/2024 14:29

Normally I go on hols wirh dh and 2 tween dcs in June. We go on a sun hol half board, with breakfast and dinner in a package. I always put on weight due to having breakfast, a small lunch and wine with dinner. We eat dinner at 7pm so not too late.

I am 5ft 3, 53 years old,weigh 11 stone. I follow a loose version of the 16:8 to maintain this, not eating til 12pm and eating 2 meals a day.

I don't mind putting up the weight as weather is fine over the summer and I exercise a lot with walks, jogging. It comes off over a month.

For the past few years, I have taken a second sun hol in Sep/Oct with 2 relatives one 40 years and one 70s, also half board.

I find it much harder to get the weight down after it due to winter and not able to exercise as much outside. I work fulltine and don't have loads of time for gyms.

The two relatives eat breakfast, then nothing til dinner at 8pm. I tried this and was very hungry by dinner. I suggested getting dinner early and one laughed like as if I am greedy. The correct thing for me would be to skip breakfast and eat a lunch. This would make the waiting for 8pm dinner more bearable.

I am considering not going this year, as it looks odd not eating the breakfast. If i do eat breakfast I can't fast til 8pm and eat lots of calories with 3 meals.

I don't eat out or go to pubs at home so the dinner and wine is very important to me.

Also when I go on hols with the relatives, one drinks very little. One will share wine with me and will drink more than her share. They go to pubs to get beer after but I don't love the wine in pubs so the wine with the meal is my only chance. I try ordering a different wine to them so as to get my small bottle to myself.

OP posts:
PerfectTravelTote · 17/05/2024 17:04

You're all adults. Don't eat breakfast if you don't want to. Have a lovely lunch by yourself. You don't need to skip the whole holiday!

CharlotteBog · 17/05/2024 17:02

OP, I wouldn't go on the other holiday. The one with your DH and children sounds lovely, the other one seems rigid and with judgemental people. That's aside from you own eating schedule, which could be a whole other thread.

KreedKafer · 17/05/2024 17:01

I am considering not going this year, as it looks odd not eating the breakfast

Why would that look odd? Your two relatives don't eat lunch, so clearly they understand the concept of skipping meals.

Honestly, you're really making a mountain out of a molehill here with all this fuss about amounts of wine and meal timings. Just adapt your holiday to suit your needs. You don't have to have breakfast just because other people are. You don't have to eat an evening meal with them every night. You're an adult and you're quibbling over tiny things that are easily sorted.

'Not liking the wine in pubs' is ridiculous. Most pubs have plenty of different ones and will be sourcing them from exactly the same places as the restaurants do.

Crikeyalmighty · 17/05/2024 16:56

@TorroFerney i wanted to say they all sound totally nuts -but you've kindly said it for me

Original poster
user1471554720 · 17/05/2024 16:56

I usually put up about 7 or 8 pounds after a holiday. After a few days in my normal routine this reduces to 5 pounds and I spend a month or two getting this off.

This is DESPITE walking 20k steps each day, having a very small or no lunch and having fish for dinner with a snall amount of potatoes/pasta and half bottle of wine. I eat two scoops ice cream and I drink water throughout the day.

I don't want to become even more strict by cutting out wine and ice cream. A holiday is about being relaxed so I AM relaxing and putting up 8 pounds!

I dread to think what would happen if i ate all meals and didn't watch portion size.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 17/05/2024 16:52

The food is only part of it, but would it work if you made up a sandwich or filled baguette at breakfast and kept that for your lunch? It's not really stealing buffet food if you're just taking it to eat at another time,and would satisfy relatives needs to see you getting value for money.

PoppingTomorrow · 17/05/2024 16:43

Don't go. It sounds as though, even (especially) if you did what suits you food and drink-wise they would make it miserable.

You deserve better.

TorroFerney · 17/05/2024 16:35

RedRobyn2021 · 17/05/2024 16:20

OP are you really not going to go on a nice family holiday for maybe a week incase you put a little weight on?

That is so incredibly sad

Are you reading a different thread - this is not a nice family holiday!

85isalive · 17/05/2024 16:34

The food timings is only part of it. It sounds like you don't enjoy their company on holiday, or the room arrangements, and being hungry is just adding to that.

Don't go, for whatever reason, if you won't enjoy it. But maybe have a think about how you're "blaming" it (for want of a better word) on the meal times, rather that actually not really wanting to be in their company (which is fine too).

Reading between the lines, it sounds like you're going with your sister and Mum and feel a bit obliged to go, but you want to have an excuse not to. It's fine to just decline.

AliceOlive · 17/05/2024 16:33

AlltheFs · 17/05/2024 16:09

Are you kidding? That was true in the 80’s, most definitely not the case now. Wine is a huge seller in the majority of pubs.
https://www.thedrinksbusiness.com/2023/11/drinking-habits-shift-as-uk-changes-to-wine-from-beer/

Show quote history

This was my guess based on the OP’s holiday experience, which is not in the UK and my experience in side US bars.

Wine in pubs is rotten, I have tried.

Many Beer-centric bars in my region of the US are the same. Not much wine is served and so it’s not a priority for them. Was in my favorite dive last night and have finally asked if they had any non-US wine. Our wines are mostly newer (avg age < 8 years) and contain high levels of ethanol. Also, not rules in US about chemical additives - flavors and colors which means one glass can give me a 3 day headache.

My regular place has just one wine that I will drink. Last night I ordered a glass and the server didn’t even know it existed. Then it was completely skunked because it had been sitting open for days. The bartender happily opened a new bottle for me, but it was a big faff.

TorroFerney · 17/05/2024 16:32

user1471554720 · 17/05/2024 15:26

Relatives are slimmer than me and like getting dressed up for dinner taking photos etc. They also may point out if some random person is fat.

I have no problems gping on a holiday in summer as evenings are fine and I can exercise off the weight gain.

I always used to go on 4 day city breaks could eat what I wanted and weight came off easily after 4 days of hols.

I know that I should not care about eating etc but I am already 11 stone and struggle to maintain this. I take size 16 in tops, big breasts, so I don't want to increase this.

I lnow I should cut out wine for the hols but I rarely go out at home and wine is a lovely treat.

The food is a red herring - you shouldn't want to go on holiday with them as they sound like judgmental twats. Even if you were 6 stone and 5 ft 10 it wouldn't be acceptable for them (imo) to comment on overweight people or comment on what others are or are not eating.

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 17/05/2024 16:32

Don’t go if you don’t want to. If it doesn’t make you happy and your family are intolerant and disapproving what’s the point?

saraclara · 17/05/2024 16:30

I don't understand why you can't just skip breakfast, and get your own lunch. Why do you care what they say?

You seem excessively focused on this eating plan.
If your hesitancy is only about the food, then get a grip and just tell them you're not hungry in the morning and you're going to grab a non-inclusive quick lunch while you're out, later.

Alternatively if you just don't like being with these people (who sound irritating) just don't go. You don't need the food plan as an excuse.

WeeOrcadian · 17/05/2024 16:28

This 'holiday' sounds like hell, from more than side

Please PLEASE speak to someone about your eating, it sounds like it's taking over your life

quizzys · 17/05/2024 16:27

Whatever about the food situation there's no chance that I would share a room with relatives EVER at this stage of my life! Why are you agreeing to this OP when you say money is not a problem?

Seems to me you are being controlled an bullied by these people. Maybe you are passive and accept everything THEY want for some reason.

I wouldn't go within 100 miles of them if the thought of it was affecting me as much as it is affecting you. You have your reasons why that is the case, that's more than enough.

Myotherusernamesafunnyone · 17/05/2024 16:26

sexnotgenders · 17/05/2024 14:44

If your diet/food choices are controlling your life to the point you can't go on a holiday, then I think you need to reconsider your approach. Food shouldn't control your life

This

BlackEyesLikeADollsEyes · 17/05/2024 16:24

It's seems daft to me not to go on a holiday you'd enjoy because you'll have to wait an extra 60 mins for dinner.

But this doesn't sound like a holiday you'd enoy, or one you actually want to go on - so don't. That's fair.

BeardedLodger · 17/05/2024 16:23

I'd be taking food and wine in my luggage to have what I want, when I want.

The whole thing sounds completely controlling and stifling.

Purplecatshopaholic · 17/05/2024 16:23

Sounds like you are making excuses not to go tbh. Either don’t go, or go and eat what and when you want? No biggie!

IvyGrippedtheSteps · 17/05/2024 16:22

RedRobyn2021 · 17/05/2024 16:20

OP are you really not going to go on a nice family holiday for maybe a week incase you put a little weight on?

That is so incredibly sad

I agree, but if you read the other posts from the OP Thetes very little that’s ‘nice’ about this holiday which involves sharing a room with unpleasant, critical relatives.

AliceOlive · 17/05/2024 16:22

RedRobyn2021 · 17/05/2024 16:20

OP are you really not going to go on a nice family holiday for maybe a week incase you put a little weight on?

That is so incredibly sad

I think it’s not a holiday if you have to either listen to relatives making passive-Aggressive comments or else go hungry all day.

Going hungry makes me sad.

Notimeforaname · 17/05/2024 16:21

My relatives would say the breakfast is paid for, so wasteful not to eat it

Also I can't order more wine as it will look greedy

Wtf? I don't understand this. Why does it matter what it "looks like? Why does it matter what they say about breakfast?

I'm genuinely struggling to understand why you wont do as you want..

RedRobyn2021 · 17/05/2024 16:20

OP are you really not going to go on a nice family holiday for maybe a week incase you put a little weight on?

That is so incredibly sad

kitsuneghost · 17/05/2024 16:19

user1471554720 · 17/05/2024 14:45

My relatives would say the breakfast is paid for, so wasteful not to eat this. I find that if I eat early then I am hungry for all meals. Eating sparingly for 3 meals doesn't work for me.

Also I can't order more wine as it will look greedy and relatives will only order a small amount trying to appear 'good'. The younger person will drink a lot if I have the name of ordering it. Cost not an issue.

Hols with dh, we eat and drink and no notice taken as we have the attitude, we work hard all year so make the most of the week away.

Just tell them eating when you don't want to is wasteful too.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 17/05/2024 16:19

Onedaystronger · 17/05/2024 15:38

OP- food timing food issues aside it sounds like these relatives aren't people whose company you enjoy, or who you can tell that their opinions aren't welcome.

Posters can bang on about how you shouldn't listen to your relatives, or let them upset you, and that you should eat what and when suits you. However it sounds like realistically you're not going to be able to do that, and the reality is that you will feel uncomfortable, judged and pressured.

IMO a holiday with these dynamics isn't worth going on and you should skip it.

This.
It sounds like this holiday doesn’t work for you. You don’t have to justify why - if your eating routine is important to you and it would make you miserable to not be able to stick to it, ignore the people telling you to unclench. What works for you, works for you, and clearly half board with these people doesn’t.

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