AiBU to decline sun hol with relatives due to food timings?

Do you WANT to go on holiday with these people?

I'd weigh it up this way (sorry, no pun intended there)! If they are ideal holiday companions then they won't be tied to your side 24/7, and will be all for everyone doing what makes them happy, doing some things separately and some together.

If they're a suffocating nightmare, they'll want to glue themselves to you all day and every evening, putting pressure on you to do things exactly their way.

What these two groups boil down to is that one is capable of compromise and the other isn't. If your relatives fall into the former group they're the sort of companions whose company I'd enjoy, and if I wanted to go, I'd go.

If the latter? No effin' chance.

The 16:8 isn't the issue here. Lots of people eat in that way and it doesn't impact anything, you just don't have breakfast, have your lunch as usual, have your dunner at 7ish and don't eat after that. It really works for me in my 50s to both stay a reasonable weight and manage my cholesterol. But I'm not a slave to it. If I fast 14 hours a day rather than 16, no biggie. It doesn't stop me going out for meals with people or going on all inclusive holidays, I just drink coffee at breakfast as I would at home. It's not "disordered eating".

The real issue is the attitude of these two people who the OP is expected to dance around on holiday, who don't consider her needs at all and who are nasty to both her and other people.

I think your approach to eating sounds fine. It's just not compatible with these relatives.
Why are you going with them? Because sharing a room and being careful about hotel wine and criticising you about skipping breakfast just doesn't sound v pleasant. So don't go

Or go and say this is how I want to do things and that's that. I won't eat breakfast so I don't care what you say. I will eat lunch and I dont care what you say. Etc

I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark here and suggest that relatives you are going away with (DM and Dsis) are why you have such a disordered eating pattern.

Sounds like younger relative enjoys her position as the good, thin one, hence the sneaky drinking of "your" wine. They both feel free to comment and critique your eating habits and impose their own preferences. The taking up all the space in the hotel room shows your place in the pecking order as well.

The pointing out overweight people is awful.

But the real question is why you feel so powerless to simply do what works for you and ignore their comments.

@user1471554720

why can’t you go the gym in the evenings in winter Op?

Can't help thinking that if you didn't bother with the wine, you'd have plenty of calories spare for another meal - there's no law that says you have to miss meals or faff around trying to get a bottle to yourself. It would also have the happy side effect of making that person responsible for sorting out their own alcohol intake.

You need to eat as and when you want. My partner never eats breakfast and rarely eats lunch but eats a massive and I mean massive dinner. I can't eat like that so I just do my own thing. If we are at home I will offer him whatever I'm having for lunch, to be polite but he always says no. At dinner which I insist on no later than 7pm because any later than that and I would literally eat my own socks I give him loads and just put on my plate what I want to eat. If we are away I love eating breakfast on my own and I always get lunch. I can't stick to his schedule it would make me poorly.

I would just be honest. "I'd love to come, but I'll need to eat lunch. Is it going to be inconvenient for you if I take myself off for an hour or so to find something to eat?"

Personally I think pay more, get your own room, don't go down for breakfast but join them afterwards and grab a sandwich for lunch.

But it doesn't sound like you enjoy holidaying with them, so why do it to yourself?

If you don't go, you won't get any wine at all.....

It sounds like this isn’t really about the holiday it’s about you having fairly disordered eating habits and getting stressed if you feel you are put in a position where you can’t control it.

I think you should tackle your food issues first: you should get counselling.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with following diets but when you feel pressured into hiding your food habits and when other people’s food behaviour makes you feel judged and stressed it’s worth considering that the problem is you. The need to follow a diet regimen on holiday should not trump the fact that you are supposed to be relaxing.

Am I missing something? Why can't you go to the supermarket and buy some wine for your accommodation?

Aren't you allowed crisps to snack on?

This is madness. They can't stop you eating lunch! Just go on your own with a good book!

Wow, this “holiday” keeps sounding worse and worse. Seems like you’ve come to MN to ask if you’re allowed to not be held captive by the world’s most tedious people for a week.

Could you do brunch and then dinner at 7?

Are you all active during the day?
I tend to get over 20,000 steps in when sightseeing.
If on a resort aqua fit, swimming, pilates dancing in the evenings

Personally, I definitely needs some breakfast and am happy to skip lunch. I love a good Hotel continental breakfast with lots of fruit and cheese.

Why not drop the half board part and go and experience different places for lunch or dinner. Much more fun.

I hope you have a good holiday.

Everything about this sounds grim. I wouldnt bother and just do your own holiday!

I'm not sure this holiday is a good idea but I'd say get your own room. It's far easier to be independent on holiday with your own room to 'pop to' when you've had enough of everyone. Fake a headache and stock up on wine 🍷 😂

Go to breakfast, don't eat anything but pick up a couple of pieces of fruit and a croissant or whatever. Have it when you naturally feel hungry then enjoy your evening meal.

I don’t understand, why do you always have to eat at the same time? I wouldn’t go on holiday with anyone who was going to constantly police when I ate. You just don’t even sound comfortable enough with these relatives to have a nice time vacationing together.

Just decline, it sounds exhausting even reading it.

Have you ever considered that half-board doesn’t suit you? In your shoes, I would be looking at self-catering with restaurants on site.

It’s not a food issue to not wish to go hungry all day.

Sounds like you have real issues with food and drink and for your families sake, you shouldnt go.

When I eat the lunchtime sandwich with relatives I try to eat it discreetly

Why do you need to be discreet about eating a sandwich? I'm confused.

Seriously OP, go on the holiday, eat when you want, don't eat when you don't want to eat. Stand up for yourself. If someone nicks your wine, stab them with your fork, they'll not do it again.

I wouldn’t go on holiday with anyone who monitors what I eat!! Why would they say it’s wasteful if you don’t have breakfast? Or think your are greedy for having too much wine? Swerve this holiday. It’s sounds uncomfortable

Good Lord this is a strange post. Are you honestly saying that you can’t make your own choices, can’t buy your own food and eat it whenever you like? Are so affected by what these other people think of you? That all wine in pubs is ‘rotten’? Just don’t go on holiday if you can’t manage the rotten wine & managing your food requirements? Have you seen a counsellor about your clear food & drink disorders?

You will likely put very little actual weight from increased fat on during a week even if you ate loads. Any weight gain is probably just water weight / bloat from heat, change in routine etc.