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Original poster

Would this have made me look weak?

31 replies

Dont1981 · 17/05/2024 13:59

I know I'm overthinking this but..
It was during a date, and we were talking about uni days. Can't remember the exact context but I was saying that people who were always doing X at uni when they were drunk would get on my nerves.

He said 'You've just described exactly how I was at uni."

I laughed and said 'oops sorry'

And he said 'no you don't need to apologise '

Anyway he didn't want a second date, wondering if this put him off?

I was only saying it in a jokey way but I know saying sorry makes people look weak, doesn't it?

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Ohnodontwantthiscrush · 17/05/2024 22:08

Not at all, I think he probably didn't feel a spark. If you did it's normal to feel disappointed but ruminating on everything you said is not going to get you anywhere.

He's only one guy, you don't know him, you don't know anything about him or what his current situation is. There are infinite potential reasons why he didn't want a second date and the likelihood it was because he thought you were weak for apologising is so tiny it's negligible. And if that was the reason well what are you going to do; change your personality and not say sorry for accidentally offending a person?

The best advice I can give you about early days dating is; show up, don't take it too seriously, have some fun and forget about it. If another date gets arranged rinse and repeat. If another date doesn't get arranged don't waste any time wondering about it, just get on with your own life.

If he was really keen on you neither of those things would have caused a problem. We've all encountered guys who seemed deaf to awful or ridiculous things we said because they had the hots for us.

I once came out with something dreadful. I was in the car with a fairly new guy who I was pretty into. We were driving to his place and on the way drove through an area I and lived in briefly when I was younger. I always hated this area and had bad associations with it. I turned and remarked what an awful dump this area was even though it's relatively expensive. He looked at me quizzically and then pulled up outside a house. I frantically asked why were stopping here when he lived in a completely different part of the city and he responded that this was his parents' home where he grew up and he needed to pick something up. I wanted the ground to swallow me up. I later tried to explain, he seemed slightly bemused but forgot about it.

newwings · 17/05/2024 21:53

So you basically came across as stuck up.

TinkerTiger · 17/05/2024 19:23

Dont1981 · 17/05/2024 14:40

Oh yeah I forgot women shouldn't be having opinions and should stick to nodding politely and letting the man do the talking 🙄

You definitely put your foot in your mouth a lot though

Minniemooose · 17/05/2024 16:54

Saying sorry isn’t a sign of weakness. Someone that acknowledges what they done or said was off and caused offence or harm. Some people can’t ever say sorry or won’t ever as they can’t admit when they are wrong or when they’ve hurt someone else. I’d be more concerned about someone that can’t say sorry than someone that can!!

Taurusenergy · 17/05/2024 16:52

Oh you meant saying sorry . No it's not weak as I'm sure most of us would of said it as a. No offense response.

Don't overthink yourself, I know that can be hard as I was the same. Just be yourself,😊

Taurusenergy · 17/05/2024 16:49

Weak? You voiced your own opinion that's the complete opposite

I don't think someone would put off a second date over that at all.

You have to be yourself and why would you want to be someone you aren't.. He wouldn't be the right guy for you in that case.

BTW I've never done it or would want to either

Sparklfairy · 17/05/2024 15:26

Dont1981 · 17/05/2024 14:40

Oh yeah I forgot women shouldn't be having opinions and should stick to nodding politely and letting the man do the talking 🙄

It seems your 'opinions' involve putting people (or towns!) down though. Why can't you just say '[getting drunk at uni] was never my thing' in a non judgemental way or 'I really love xyz about x town' without comparing it to y town?

toomuchfaff · 17/05/2024 15:19

Dont1981 · 17/05/2024 14:02

Yeah, I'm possibly overthinking it ...

Show quote history

I'd say this was probable.

As Elsa would say Let it go.....

Original poster
Dont1981 · 17/05/2024 14:45

I get what you're saying, but he was talking about daft drunken stuff he did as a student which a lot of people did, that's not the type of person he is now.
I live in the same place and I didn't say it's not nice, I said X place is 'even nicer"

OP posts:
Rickrolypoly · 17/05/2024 14:43

Well you insulted the place he is from and the type of person he is on the first date so perhaps he just didn't see any point in a second date?

Original poster
Dont1981 · 17/05/2024 14:40

Oh yeah I forgot women shouldn't be having opinions and should stick to nodding politely and letting the man do the talking 🙄

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PrincessTeaSet · 17/05/2024 14:28

Maybe you're a bit opinionated for a first date...

SleepingStandingUp · 17/05/2024 14:21

You're overthinking it. He just wasn't into you. Move on, onwards and upwards.

GeckoFeet · 17/05/2024 14:20

It seems like you're focusing on every word and phrase you used.
Maybe there just wasn't a spark between you two.
Maybe he thought you weren't compatible with eachother.

What did you think of him? How did you feel about him?

Original poster
Dont1981 · 17/05/2024 14:20

I'll try to forget it then :) thanks

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Deathbyfluffy · 17/05/2024 14:18

Dont1981 · 17/05/2024 14:04

Another example I can think of was when I said I think X town is even nicer than Y town. He said "I agree, but don't say to people from Y town'.
He's from Y town. I laughed and said sorry my bad.

There's nothing weak about apologising in their situation - it's just basic manners.
Don't overthink it - it's a total non-issue.

fedupandstuck · 17/05/2024 14:18

He said that you don't need to apologise to indicate that he hadn't taken any offence from your slight accidental insult, that's all.

Original poster
Dont1981 · 17/05/2024 14:17

I wouldn't go that far?

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Prawncow · 17/05/2024 14:16

It sounds like you have foot-in-mouth disease.

Original poster
Dont1981 · 17/05/2024 14:16

Yes I have been overthinking it. Neither of us drink at all now, I'll try not to second guess it, it was just the way he said 'You don't need to apologise '.

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ErrolTheDragon · 17/05/2024 14:14

Dont1981 · 17/05/2024 14:04

Another example I can think of was when I said I think X town is even nicer than Y town. He said "I agree, but don't say to people from Y town'.
He's from Y town. I laughed and said sorry my bad.

Again, that's just a socially appropriate rejoinder not an 'apology' as such.

BobbyBiscuits · 17/05/2024 14:13

I'd say 'whoops, sorry' in a light-hearted way is the exact response any sensible person would give in the circumstances.
Idk where you're getting the notion of 'weak' from?
He clearly didn't see a spark for his own reasons. Maybe he did think if you disliked uni drinking then you might feel the same about his current drinking? Who knows.
Just move on and try not to focus so deeply on why someone might not choose a second date.

TheShellBeach · 17/05/2024 14:06

The only person I can think of who frequently says that apologising makes people look weak is Donald Trump.

Original poster
Dont1981 · 17/05/2024 14:04

Another example I can think of was when I said I think X town is even nicer than Y town. He said "I agree, but don't say to people from Y town'.
He's from Y town. I laughed and said sorry my bad.

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Original poster
Dont1981 · 17/05/2024 14:02

fedupandstuck · 17/05/2024 14:01

But you were sorry, that you accidentally slightly insulted him. That's a normal response. Saying sorry all the time to apologise for anything at all that you're saying, is a sign of a lack of self-confidence or self-belief. It's not "weak" to do that, and it's not "strong" to never apologise.

Yeah, I'm possibly overthinking it ...

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