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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School run mum

213 replies

Rainbow877 · 17/05/2024 09:08

There is a mum on the school run who seems to have taken a disliking to me for whatever reason. Every time I see her she does a smug kind of smirk or stares at me. I think for some reason she thinks we live near the school but we actually live a 10/15 min drive to school. Yesterday when I walked past her she purposefully said to her child ‘we walk to school, we’re not lazy’ and looked at me for her reaction. What would you do?

OP posts:
Hagpie · 22/05/2024 15:40

Changed my mind she’s a weirdo - ignore! The effort required to correct her isn’t worth it. I just assumed she would act like a normal adult but looks like I was wrong!

bananaramaterry · 22/05/2024 12:57

Pussycat22 · 22/05/2024 11:35

It is said that what other people think of you is none of your business.

Is it?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 22/05/2024 12:00

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 22/05/2024 11:41

She's just a self righteous busy body. Be grateful you don't live within walking distance of the school because you wouldn't have seen what she's like so easily and might have got friendly with her, then you'd be stuck with her. At least this way you've filtered her out early so you don't waste any time on her. Go and be friendly with the other school mums.

THIS ^^
It's causing you stress, so just pretend you can't see or hear and that you haven't noticed.
If she is being pa to you, her comments are beneath your notice. No response required.
If it was me, I'd aim to arrive a few minutes earlier or later for a while and it will blow over.

JJathome · 22/05/2024 11:59

Rainbow877 · 22/05/2024 08:59

Well it seems to have happened again this morning. She saw me coming and we were going in opposite direction so I just went on my way and as she got closer she said to her younger child ‘normally we walk don’t we but we’ve come in the car today’ (heavy rain today) but it was as if to make a point about the walking again

That’s very odd, she must either be mentally ill or maybe has some additional needs. As the behaviour is very unusual if it’s as you perceive it, I mean who gives a fuck how people get to school. I’ve never met anyone who does.

EAI · 22/05/2024 11:52

Yes I am, so sorry guys. Might take a couple of unsuccessful attempts to get this right. Thanks to those that private messaged me as well x

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 22/05/2024 11:41

She's just a self righteous busy body. Be grateful you don't live within walking distance of the school because you wouldn't have seen what she's like so easily and might have got friendly with her, then you'd be stuck with her. At least this way you've filtered her out early so you don't waste any time on her. Go and be friendly with the other school mums.

Pussycat22 · 22/05/2024 11:35

It is said that what other people think of you is none of your business.

KimberleyClark · 22/05/2024 11:33

I second the advice to give her a big smile, and I’d add a wave too. If she didn’t mean anything by her comment you’ll do no harm, and if she did you’ll make her feel stupid.

SpringerFall · 22/05/2024 11:15

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 22/05/2024 10:09

And also, yet again women are being told to smile as a way of dealing with an awkward situation... 🙄

Show quote history

The op is making it all about her, how is it awkward for anyone else?

SerafinasGoose · 22/05/2024 11:04

Rainbow877 · 22/05/2024 08:59

Well it seems to have happened again this morning. She saw me coming and we were going in opposite direction so I just went on my way and as she got closer she said to her younger child ‘normally we walk don’t we but we’ve come in the car today’ (heavy rain today) but it was as if to make a point about the walking again

I don't doubt your assumption is correct and she's having a PA dig, but this sounds more than usually feeble even for a passive aggressive person.

Who the hell cares how she gets her kid to school? Or how you do, for that matter. This is next-level curtain-twitching, but at least it's easy to breeze past with an air of being utterly oblivious.

This really is too silly and childish even to merit your headspace, OP.

Cheesyfootballs01 · 22/05/2024 10:35

Rainbow877 · 21/05/2024 23:38

I know people are saying I’d have to be staring at her to notice but sometimes I’ll just be getting my daughter out the car and turn around and she’s already watching me. It’s definitely not a smile, it’s sort of like a smug kind of look with eyebrows raised. When she made the comment about walking to school and not being lazy she did say it to her child but was already looking at me whilst she said it tbh, like she was hoping I’d have a reaction. I definitely don’t park inconsiderately at all. She’s seen me come down her road a few times, and I’ve seen her staring at my car as I go past. I only use it as a short cut as the main road through is always busy, I think she thinks I live really close to her and that’s why she said the lazy comment

also, when she said the lazy comment she was walking towards us, her child hadn’t even said anything I don’t think, she then said it right as she was next to us so it seemed very much like she was having a dig

OP - why are you so concerned?

Why does it matter if she IS staring at you and making comments?

Just ignore it and carry on with your day.

Cheesyfootballs01 · 22/05/2024 10:32

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 22/05/2024 10:09

And also, yet again women are being told to smile as a way of dealing with an awkward situation... 🙄

Show quote history

Or the OP could just ignore her and get on with her day?

I don’t understand why anyone in this situation needs to either smile and make conversation or ‘ show their teeth’ ( whatever that’s supposed to mean ..)

Just ignore and carry on - it’s not that difficult is it?

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 22/05/2024 10:09

jellajello · 22/05/2024 08:06

The state of this thread. The poor trusting OP has opened up and mentioned an unpleasant feeling about a woman outside school and she gets it in the neck about how she is the one at fault. Society, eh?

And also, yet again women are being told to smile as a way of dealing with an awkward situation... 🙄

StarsHideYourFir3s · 22/05/2024 10:03

jellajello · 22/05/2024 08:06

The state of this thread. The poor trusting OP has opened up and mentioned an unpleasant feeling about a woman outside school and she gets it in the neck about how she is the one at fault. Society, eh?

Crazy isn't it. I would think OP would know if this woman is staring at her, but all the bored people on this thread are jumping on her like, "You don't know if she's looking at you!!" Well... OP knows better than people on an internet thread surely? If this was a guy staring at her/smirking at her, everyone would be all, "Trust your instincts!"

StarsHideYourFir3s · 22/05/2024 10:01

Rainbow877 · 21/05/2024 23:38

I know people are saying I’d have to be staring at her to notice but sometimes I’ll just be getting my daughter out the car and turn around and she’s already watching me. It’s definitely not a smile, it’s sort of like a smug kind of look with eyebrows raised. When she made the comment about walking to school and not being lazy she did say it to her child but was already looking at me whilst she said it tbh, like she was hoping I’d have a reaction. I definitely don’t park inconsiderately at all. She’s seen me come down her road a few times, and I’ve seen her staring at my car as I go past. I only use it as a short cut as the main road through is always busy, I think she thinks I live really close to her and that’s why she said the lazy comment

also, when she said the lazy comment she was walking towards us, her child hadn’t even said anything I don’t think, she then said it right as she was next to us so it seemed very much like she was having a dig

In that case, I would pity the fact that she clearly hasn't matured from secondary school, and go on with my day.

DramaLlamaMumma · 22/05/2024 09:53

YABU to give a toss about what she might or might not think about you. It’s a stranger on the school run, who cares? 🤨

KateMiskin · 22/05/2024 09:27

Knives out! Show your teeth!
Or alternatively, ignore.

SpringerFall · 22/05/2024 09:02

Rainbow877 · 22/05/2024 08:59

Well it seems to have happened again this morning. She saw me coming and we were going in opposite direction so I just went on my way and as she got closer she said to her younger child ‘normally we walk don’t we but we’ve come in the car today’ (heavy rain today) but it was as if to make a point about the walking again

Or it might not have anything to do with you?

Original poster
Rainbow877 · 22/05/2024 08:59

Well it seems to have happened again this morning. She saw me coming and we were going in opposite direction so I just went on my way and as she got closer she said to her younger child ‘normally we walk don’t we but we’ve come in the car today’ (heavy rain today) but it was as if to make a point about the walking again

OP posts:
MrsToothyBitch · 22/05/2024 08:12

She sounds rather unpleasant OP. I agree with the smile and ignore comments. Never apologise, never explain. You don't owe her anything.

jellajello · 22/05/2024 08:06

The state of this thread. The poor trusting OP has opened up and mentioned an unpleasant feeling about a woman outside school and she gets it in the neck about how she is the one at fault. Society, eh?

setmestraightplease · 22/05/2024 01:53

If it bothers you that much just give her a big smile and breezy wave as you pass and say something along the lines of 'Hi, I see you most days (big smile) Do you walk in with xxx? You're so lucky to live so close - I wish we did - we have to drive in (big smile/ eye roll) '
( some MNetters may advise a head tilt and a tinkly laugh at this point, but these are probably optional! 😁)

Louise303 · 22/05/2024 01:23

I do not miss my kids being in infants and junior school there is always some bitchy parent.Ignore her act like she is invisible do not look her way she obviously knows you have seen her watching you now. If she is giving snide comments when you pass she wants a reaction just laugh chat to your children and get on with it this will hurt her more.

Chillihealer9 · 21/05/2024 23:43

Sounds like she think she is superior because they walk to school. She’s probably fed up of all the cars everywhere as well but I would just tell her to get off her high horse.

Original poster
Rainbow877 · 21/05/2024 23:38

I know people are saying I’d have to be staring at her to notice but sometimes I’ll just be getting my daughter out the car and turn around and she’s already watching me. It’s definitely not a smile, it’s sort of like a smug kind of look with eyebrows raised. When she made the comment about walking to school and not being lazy she did say it to her child but was already looking at me whilst she said it tbh, like she was hoping I’d have a reaction. I definitely don’t park inconsiderately at all. She’s seen me come down her road a few times, and I’ve seen her staring at my car as I go past. I only use it as a short cut as the main road through is always busy, I think she thinks I live really close to her and that’s why she said the lazy comment

also, when she said the lazy comment she was walking towards us, her child hadn’t even said anything I don’t think, she then said it right as she was next to us so it seemed very much like she was having a dig

OP posts:
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