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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sending your unwell wife downstairs

167 replies

Navymamma · 17/05/2024 01:21

I’ve got a nasty, persistent cough. It’s annoying but I’m unwell. DH is getting audibly annoyed because my cough is keeping him awake. He suggested I put on some Vicks or try sleeping upright. I told him there was no point because I know from experience it doesn’t make a difference. He testily said fine then, do nothing. He’s been so passive aggressive about it, so I said, I’ll just go sleep on the sofa then. He pointed out that I wont be comfortable. I said, well of course I wont be comfortable but it’s obvious you’re annoyed about my cough. He said nothing. I’m now on the sofa uncomfortable while he sleeps upstairs.
AIBU to think a man shouldn’t have his unwell wife sleeping on the sofa so that he can sleep uninterrupted?

OP posts:
IncognitoUsername · 17/05/2024 07:16

He didn’t ‘send’ you, though did he?
hopefully you both got some sleep and will feel better this morning.

TinyYellow · 17/05/2024 07:12

The sofa was your suggestion, he sent you nowhere.

Honestly, this sounds very childish. If you’re married, you’re too old to be playing silly games by saying stupid things to try and get your preferred reaction out of someone.

Beautiful3 · 17/05/2024 07:11

Misses the point completely, but try vicks on the soles of your feet and put socks on. It really does work!

Deliaskis · 17/05/2024 07:10

The causer of the disturbance moves in my opinion. If I've had a cough or just been generally unsettled at night I take myself away to allow DH to sleep undisturbed. He does the same for me.

AGlinnerOfHope · 17/05/2024 07:10

I move to the spare room so I can cough and splutter in peace, sit up if I need to and read in the middle of the night if I want to, when I’m ill.

It’s better than trying to avoid disturbing people, when you’re ill.

Purplecatshopaholic · 17/05/2024 07:09

marcopront · 17/05/2024 04:43

What did you want him to do?

He made some suggestions - you rejected them

You made a suggestion - he said it was a bad idea. You went ahead and did it anyway and for some reason are still blaming him.

This. Stop being the martyr op.

MorningSunshineSparkles · 17/05/2024 07:05

When you throw the petted lip you get treated like a child. He didn’t make you sleep on the sofa, you took the huff that he wasn’t enjoying listening to your cough and expected him to beg you to stay in bed with him. It didn’t work out how you planned and now you need to sleep on the sofa because you’re a sulky sue.

Maddy70 · 17/05/2024 06:01

You have an annoying cough. He gave you suggestions of what to do to help. You refused. My husband took himself off to the sofa when he was ill so he didn't disturb me. Whats the point in everyone not sleeping?

BecuaseIWantItThatWay · 17/05/2024 05:58

YABU because you offered. Bad communication that you expect him to read your mind and, presumably what, expect him to go to the sofa instead?

wrped · 17/05/2024 05:56

what does being the wife got to do with anything? women should get preferential treatment?

Aposterhasnoname · 17/05/2024 05:54

Well even if it made no difference you should have tried what he suggested. It wouldn’t have hurt, and would show you were trying.

SlipperyLizard · 17/05/2024 05:51

Whoever has the annoying cough should take it elsewhere if it is disturbing their partner. Why should both of you have disturbed sleep because one of you is ill?

Ereyraa · 17/05/2024 05:50

It’s massively irritating when someone with a cough steadfastly refuses to even try to do anything about it.

You offered to go downstairs, that’s on you.

And agree with PP; the fact you’re a ‘wife’ doesn’t mean anything here.

35mph · 17/05/2024 05:43

Keeping a bit more upright does help with a cough. Husband in bed with a cough atm, bad enough for antibiotics and he feels pretty rough.
Nevertheless he's propped up with pillows to make an attempt at helping it.

Ladyj84 · 17/05/2024 05:37

Tbh that's exactly what I have done before, go downstairs when ill or hubby has done because why keep the other person awake and them feeling ill from lack of sleep the next day. It's called love and consideration a bit of give and take makes for a happy marriage

JurassicFantastic · 17/05/2024 05:36

He didn't send you. You made the choice to go. If you don't like it, then choose to go back to bed.

Roundroundthegarden · 17/05/2024 05:35

SpringerFall · 17/05/2024 02:11

"Unwell wife" you have an annoying cough

Just because you are female does not give you any more points

Haha I though this too!

Roundroundthegarden · 17/05/2024 05:34

SapphireOpal · 17/05/2024 01:33

I'd be irritated you weren't at least making a token effort to disturb me less if i were your DH.

It's like people who snore but refuse to try anything for it. It's not your "fault", but it's a bit antisocial not to try and limit the impact on other people.

Exactly. A persistent cough is disrupting his sleep for a while now, and it's on you to take yourself off to
Stop disturbing everyone else.

ThePoshUns · 17/05/2024 05:24

I'm with your DH, you're keeping him awake. He's suggesting things that may make your cough better, you're ignoring him
You said you may as well sleep on the sofa, you did. He didn't make you. Your cough is keeping you awake, why keep him awake as well?
Hope you feel better soon.

Codlingmoths · 17/05/2024 04:50

were you apologetic? Since he is getting crap sleep and it is your fault. I’d expect my Dh to be genuinely apologetic!

id have said you can go sleep on the sofa though so I would not be in your predicament 😁

marcopront · 17/05/2024 04:43

What did you want him to do?

He made some suggestions - you rejected them

You made a suggestion - he said it was a bad idea. You went ahead and did it anyway and for some reason are still blaming him.

ThinkingOfMe · 17/05/2024 04:35

*love

ThinkingOfMe · 17/05/2024 04:34

Coughs are annoying to others, even when they live you and want you to feel better. He didn’t send you downstairs. You chose to go after taking exception to him suggesting you try a couple of things to make you not cough as much. By him saying you won’t be comfortable on the sofa, I think that says he didn’t expect you to move.

You’re unwell and no doubt tired and fed up, but you have behaved unreasonably. I’d put the tv on and have a drink or go back to bed. Don’t be a martyr.

GreenWheat · 17/05/2024 04:10

So essentially, you want to have an annoying cough, make no attempt to mitigate its impact, and have your DH put up with it for the duration. It's almost as if you're resentful and want him to share your pain.

Josette77 · 17/05/2024 04:07

I have cough variant asthma. If I'm sick and it's triggered I used to move to the couch or spare room. No point both of us being awake.

That said please go to the doctor and get it checked out ASAP.