Sending your unwell wife downstairs

I'm sick today, OP. I have a stomach bug and spent the night visiting the toilet hourly (or more). I slept on the sofa, because I'm not an arsehole, so I didn't want my constant getting up to disturb my husband.

Was my sleep shit? Of course. Was I uncomfortable? Obviously. My feet went numb at one point.

But my sleep would have been just as shit if I'd stayed in bed, and then DHs would have been too. One of us being tired and grumpy is enough tbh.

YABU.

Instead of saying ‘I guess I will sleep on the sofa then’ you should have said ‘If it bothers you you can sleep on the sofa downstairs!’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

You've won the award for most dramatic thread title of the day and its not even half nine yet 👏

You decided to move to the sofa, he expressed he didn't think it was a good idea. He shouldn't have had to explicitly say "don't go to the sofa" for you to be able to glean that from his comment. You're being entirely unreasonable and dramatic tbh

I'm on your husbands side, I was in the exact same situation reversed but my husband stayed in the room and so neither of us got sleep. Nothing he said was passive aggressive but everything you did was. Stop pretending to be a martyr and feeling forced to sleep on the sofa and put the bloody Vicks on

🤣🤦🏻‍♀️🙄

I sleep downstairs if I have a cough so I don’t disturb DH and visa versa - however we try remedies first - cough medicine, more pillows, open window etc…. I would be really grumpy if I thought someone wasn’t even trying to sort it out!

I am with your DH here!

You offered and you're the one with the annoying cough. I don't see anything unreasonable here. A night on the sofa isn't going to hurt you.
Me and my husband have both slept on the sofa due to illness or snoring etc, doesn't matter as long as we get some sleep 🤷🏼‍♀️

I mean if stopping coughs was so easy we'd all do it.

Or do you mean by just stopping breathing?

I had a cough couple of weeks ago and did exactly that, slept on the couch for a couple of nights so my DH could get better sleep. I find being on couch better because one I can sit up more comfortably which helps with the cough and two if I can't sleep because of the cough I can pop the TV on for a bit to keep me company!

Coughs are one of the few reasons my DH and I would sleep apart. Drives me to distraction if he’s coughing in the night, and when it’s my turn I’m so stressed trying not to cough.

We sleep better apart in these circumstances

My boyfriend had the most annoying cough that went on and on and on last year, I made him to go the drs and off he went and if still lingered and it really was irritating but not his fault obviously I think I slept through it at night though but it was even annoying him by the time it settled down. I’d never have sent him to the couch and wouldn’t go.
go back to bloody bed 😳get some rest and feel better soon

I had a horrific cough before Christmas. There was no point in both of us being disturbed so I’d take myself off to the sofa prompted up with cushions if after 30 mins of lying in bed meant I was still awake and coughing. Similarly at the moment I’m in intense pain meaning I’m tossing and turning all the time so have been sleeping in the spare room.

3 of the past 4 winters I have been plagued with a persistent night time cough , so I often take myself off to the sofa, not so much to give DH peace ( although Im aware his sleep is being disturbed ) more so that I can get some sleep myself as sleeping sat up helps

Just prop myself up with pillows so Im at a slight recline, and sleep really well

Yes OP, YABU

You are going to have a rubbish nights sleep no matter what, why ruin two people’s nights?

stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about your cough.

Is it annoying when people aren’t sympathetic when you’re ill, yes. Is it annoying when people
are ill and impacting others but don’t listen to your suggestions for how they might make everyone have a better sleep, yes. Can I therefore see this from both sides, yes. That annoyance doesn’t mean you can rewrite what happened in your head though so your husband is the bad guy. You sent yourself downstairs and then accused him of sending you downstairs.

Why did you choose to martyr yourself like that?

What good came out of it?

Guessing the OP isn't back as she's having a lovely cough free sleep?

Tbh you can't offer to do something and get upset when you then need to do it - don't make the offer in the first place!

You can’t call him passive aggressive then offer to sleep on the sofa in a huff then complain that you’re sleeping on the sofa and that he didn’t beg you to stay 😂
Honestly it’s annoying but it’s shit for you both to miss out on sleep when only one ‘needs’ to. My husband had this crappy cough earlier this month and he opted to sleep on the sofa as he could see he was waking me. I didn’t ask him to but was glad of the good nights sleep!

My husband and I have just had back to back colds with annoying sleep disturbing coughs. On at least one night each, we chose to sleep on the sofa to help the other.
We’re adults.

A persistent cough is so annoying when that person won't try to help themselves. If I was unwell and annoying people I'd move to the couch.

He offered sensible solutions to be fair. And also told you you wouldn't be comfortable on the sofa which is him thinking about you. Seems like you're looking for a reason to be mad at him tbf.

My DP offers to sleep on the guest sofa when I am sick or dealing with period cramps (and accidentally wake him up).
I usually decline and go to sleep on the sofa, btw...

He wouldn´t want to disturb my sleep and I wouldn´t want to disturb his. Sleep deprivation is awful!!

You need a better sofa, OP.

What was the alternative? Stay coughing in bed and have you both awake?

Your cough was keeping you up anyway and you weren't willing to try any remedies so it made sense you go to the settee, no point staying in bed if you couldnt sleep. At least there you could read or watch tv and hopefully drift off if the coughing eased.

If I was the cougher I'd definitely do that, and my husband would do the same if it was the other way round. No point both of you being kept up.

Being "the wife" makes no difference in the situation either.

AIBU to think a man shouldn’t have his unwell wife sleeping on the sofa so that he can sleep uninterrupted?

Why not?

I think moving to the sofa was the right thing to do. No point both of you being awake.