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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sending your unwell wife downstairs

167 replies

Navymamma · 17/05/2024 01:21

I’ve got a nasty, persistent cough. It’s annoying but I’m unwell. DH is getting audibly annoyed because my cough is keeping him awake. He suggested I put on some Vicks or try sleeping upright. I told him there was no point because I know from experience it doesn’t make a difference. He testily said fine then, do nothing. He’s been so passive aggressive about it, so I said, I’ll just go sleep on the sofa then. He pointed out that I wont be comfortable. I said, well of course I wont be comfortable but it’s obvious you’re annoyed about my cough. He said nothing. I’m now on the sofa uncomfortable while he sleeps upstairs.
AIBU to think a man shouldn’t have his unwell wife sleeping on the sofa so that he can sleep uninterrupted?

OP posts:
ThinkingOfMe · 17/05/2024 10:29

Navymamma · 17/05/2024 10:24

Gosh, that sounds awful! I haven’t seen a GP. It’s impossible to see an NHS GP where I live so I use a private GP service and their go to is to prescribe antibiotics that make no difference. I’m ill around every 3 months atm and it’s always the same. I will see a GP this weekend though if I’m not any better.

Show quote history

Don’t leave it too long. I feel your pain about GPs, we also have to use a private one as it’s impossible to get an appointment with our NHS one. Maybe get some bloods done too, there could be something underlying.

Take care.

Original poster
Navymamma · 17/05/2024 10:24

ThinkingOfMe · 17/05/2024 10:11

Have you seen a GP, do you not need antibiotics?

Is there any way that you can rest? When I had a dreadful chest infection, in the end I spent about 5 days in bed, sleeping 20 hours a day. That was on doctors orders, my third lot of antibiotics and the threat of being admitted to hospital.

You must look after yourself. 💐

Show quote history

Gosh, that sounds awful! I haven’t seen a GP. It’s impossible to see an NHS GP where I live so I use a private GP service and their go to is to prescribe antibiotics that make no difference. I’m ill around every 3 months atm and it’s always the same. I will see a GP this weekend though if I’m not any better.

OP posts:
Original poster
Navymamma · 17/05/2024 10:17

Eistigi · 17/05/2024 10:08

Is your DH working today?
If yes, then he should have stayed in bed to sleep.
If you're as sick as you say, you shouldn't be working and should go back to bed now to sleep.

Yes, he’s working today.
I am as sick as I say but sadly I am also working today about double the hours that DH is working!

OP posts:
ThinkingOfMe · 17/05/2024 10:11

Navymamma · 17/05/2024 10:03

I have taken two inhalers, ibuprofen and drank lots of water to help my cough. Those are the things that help. I just don’t think Vicks or sitting up helps much. I get so ill because I’m overworked and run down - and he often tells me I would get better quicker if I slept more!

Have you seen a GP, do you not need antibiotics?

Is there any way that you can rest? When I had a dreadful chest infection, in the end I spent about 5 days in bed, sleeping 20 hours a day. That was on doctors orders, my third lot of antibiotics and the threat of being admitted to hospital.

You must look after yourself. 💐

Eistigi · 17/05/2024 10:08

Is your DH working today?
If yes, then he should have stayed in bed to sleep.
If you're as sick as you say, you shouldn't be working and should go back to bed now to sleep.

Original poster
Navymamma · 17/05/2024 10:03

I have taken two inhalers, ibuprofen and drank lots of water to help my cough. Those are the things that help. I just don’t think Vicks or sitting up helps much. I get so ill because I’m overworked and run down - and he often tells me I would get better quicker if I slept more!

OP posts:
MariaVT65 · 17/05/2024 10:03

Yeah sorry op, i’m also team YABU.

I had a bad cough for my entire third trimester of pregnancy due to the position of my baby, and voluntarily slept upright on the sofa for the entire time. No big deal.

Gollumm · 17/05/2024 10:01

YABU. You offered to go downstairs. You didn't try to help your cough in any way so I'm not surprised he's pissed off!

needsomeadvice22 · 17/05/2024 10:00

You're being very dramatic. I'd be pissed off too if my DH didn't bother to at least try and do something about a bad cough keeping me awake all night.

Hope you've got some sleep and you're not usually this dramatic. Grin

Kentuckycriedfrickin · 17/05/2024 09:56

One thing I've learned over the years is to never argue with your partner when you're both tired, it's pointless and both of you will just end up feeling pissy with one another.

Hope you've gotten some sleep OP.

ThinkingOfMe · 17/05/2024 09:53

Navymamma · 17/05/2024 09:39

I’ve been unwell with a chest infection for a while so I feel awful. There’s definitely some martyrdom going on because I’ve had to work through it and am knackered and wanted nothing more than to sleep in my own bed. DH is not sympathetic when his sleep is disrupted and it tends to rub me up the wrong way when I’m unwell as I’m unfailingly sympathetic when he’s unwell. If he was unwell I would never have allowed him to sleep on the sofa on the basis that the sick person needs their rest and I would have taken myself downstairs instead.

Oh well, I was clearly being unreasonable!

That’s rubbish OP. Years ago I had a chest infection that only got better after 3 lots of antibiotics. I’ve never felt worse.

It’s also rubbish that your husband isn’t sympathetic despite you being sympathetic when he’s ill, so I can see why you’re pissed.

Can you go to bed now?

faceoff2000 · 17/05/2024 09:53

The title says 'sending'. He did no such thing, maybe you're imagining things due to your cold!

CharSiu · 17/05/2024 09:53

We always sleep separately if we are ill. We unfortunately don’t have a spare bedroom. So we bought a very lovely reclining sofa, DH is very tall whereas Im small so I am the one that has the sofa, he just can’t quite fit on it. I did have an awful cough for six weeks just after Christmas and slept with it partially reclined which was perfect. So if either of us is ill I’m downstairs.

Austrocock · 17/05/2024 09:50

YABU.
I'd be tetchy and annoyed too if you were keeping me awake with your coughing and you refused to do something about it, or at least try something, because you claim it won't make any difference.
Have you been to the doctor or been to the pharmacist? If not, why not?

He didn't send you downstairs. You said "I’ll just go sleep on the sofa then" and he said that would be uncomfortable and then you went downstairs and tried to sleep on the sofa.

You're being selfish with your coughing. Get it sorted out by getting a suitable remedy.

Dearg · 17/05/2024 09:50

Just saw your latest update Op. sorry you feel so rotten and tired. We all get a bit martyr-ish in such circumstances.

If you have not tried it, ask the pharmacists for a night-time Cough mix. If it’s a dry cough, you want a suppressant, otherwise an expectorant. Emphasis the lack of sleep.
Hope you feel better soon.

Theothername · 17/05/2024 09:48

In my house the sick person gets the bed and the one who needs more sleep goes downstairs. And we both make big sad eyes at each other as though we’ll never be together again.

puss in boots cat eyes GIF
Merryoldgoat · 17/05/2024 09:46

@Navymamma

What are you doing to relieve symptoms?

Merryoldgoat · 17/05/2024 09:45

DH or I always go downstairs if unwell and disturbing the other.

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/05/2024 09:43

Persistent coughing drives me nuts, sorry, I agree with your husband.

Next time, go downstairs, make a warm drink and take co-codamol: codeine is very effective at preventing coughing.

KikiShaLeeBopDeBopBop · 17/05/2024 09:39

Navymamma · 17/05/2024 09:32

This made me laugh. Yes, it was dramatic but it was very early in the morning and I was tired and fed up!

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Sounds like you're both very tired & fed-up.

Original poster
Navymamma · 17/05/2024 09:39

I’ve been unwell with a chest infection for a while so I feel awful. There’s definitely some martyrdom going on because I’ve had to work through it and am knackered and wanted nothing more than to sleep in my own bed. DH is not sympathetic when his sleep is disrupted and it tends to rub me up the wrong way when I’m unwell as I’m unfailingly sympathetic when he’s unwell. If he was unwell I would never have allowed him to sleep on the sofa on the basis that the sick person needs their rest and I would have taken myself downstairs instead.

Oh well, I was clearly being unreasonable!

OP posts:
ThinkingOfMe · 17/05/2024 09:34

Navymamma · 17/05/2024 09:32

This made me laugh. Yes, it was dramatic but it was very early in the morning and I was tired and fed up!

Show quote history

Don’t worry about it OP. Hope you’re feeling better today.

Original poster
Navymamma · 17/05/2024 09:32

GalileoHumpkins · 17/05/2024 09:19

You've won the award for most dramatic thread title of the day and its not even half nine yet 👏

This made me laugh. Yes, it was dramatic but it was very early in the morning and I was tired and fed up!

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 17/05/2024 09:31

It sounds like he wanted you to try to do something to help yourself-medicine, trying different sleeping positions, but you refused, then said you would sleep on the sofa-which he told you wouldn’t be comfortable!

Sleepysendco · 17/05/2024 09:27

I had a horrendous cough for months and slept on the sofa for all of it. It was interrupting my sleep anyway. Why would I want my husband to have a bad night’s sleep too? At least one of us was ok with me downstairs!