To Feel the school mums dislike me

There was also a swingers group (maybe it's disbanded now!) between our school and a nearby one!

A DJ friend unwittingly played at a birthday party for one of them, and when she took a loo break late into the night, she found all the doors were closed, and each one she opened she found multiple couples going at it.

I'm not making this up...big coastal city in the South East...

Agree.

Kerching, it’s me,not them. That’s basic

as I said there are recurrent themes and retorts used to minimise & diminish reported experience of mean parents
I haven’t stopped anyone posting and naturally some posters will disagree, that’s inevitable
The thread is proceeding unencumbered with a range of views.

Judging by your responses to this thread I think it probably is you.

Oh let’s just agree with everything everyone says and not offer any alternative opinion that would try to help them feel less judged or bullied or whatever.
yes OP that group of women definitely stood there smirking and giving you bitchy looks because they clearly think they’re better than you.
Better?

because it is a possibility? Your posts are pretty odd, and quite frankly derailing the conversation. Your sort of going around policing everyone's comments.

What I gather from MN is that groups are cliques if you are not in them and friends if you are. But no doubt that is gaslighting.

The sleeping with each others husbands sounds very exciting and Jilly Cooper.

Every time. Every Thread. The tired defensive tropes,they’re not mean. Are you sure. Hey maybe it’s you

This has always been alien to me. Why do you care? Surely by the time you are old enough to have kids starting school you have a core group of your own friends and school mums are just hi and bye acquaintances, maybe the odd play date? Don’t overthink it, focus on your life away from school and just show up for your child when necessary.

OP I really feel for you. When my DCs started primary school I was expecting to casually extend my social circle with the type of lovely friends I had already.

Within the first week I realised that wasn't going to happen - it was a shock. I came across so many bitchy, judgy, ridiculously competitive women - the wealthier ones were the worst.

It was a quite horrid, toxic environment that took me about five years to navigate (DCs are three years apart).

In the end I made four lovely friends that I'm still close to. I'm friends with one who still associates with the biggest, bitchiest clique, and they're still going strong - sleeping with each other's husbands, ostracising people on a whim etc. I've never come across anything like it!

Ignore the gaslighters op.

But surely there aren’t any cliques? Just misunderstood mums under the narcissistic gaze of self important others who can’t read a gaze, and get things wrong

The only power you have is to stop caring. I say that with kindness, I really do.

It takes practice but it's very freeing.

I don't understand the "cliques", surely they are just a group of mates?

They sound horrible though, I'm sorry ❤️ focus on the 3 lovely mums instead xxx

Isn't OP in a clique with the mums who are friendly to her? Or is that a friendship group?

Yeah I have those one on one chats with some and they definitely gossip about other people. It’s not a dynamic you want to be a part of. I actually regret speaking to some because now they have something to say about me or my DC. Wish I’d kept my bloody airpods in.

unnecessarily critical of @INeedAChange22 . Why are you so defensively seeking to diminish & minimise her experience. Self centred? You’re critical and undermining her post and character to vehemently argue there are no mean parents. The its not them,it’s you attack.

I don't really care about the other mums on the school run. I happen to live in a small village and we all met in some way or other prior to my child starting the nursery. It's just general chit chat and bye. I have one playdate arranged for my 3 year old but only because the other mum happens to have twins as well like me. Don't let the mean ones occupy so much space in your mind

Just concentrate and get to know the mums that were friendly. Please don’t try to be with the in crowd. It will all fall apart which I witnessed at primary school and you will have a solid friendship group.
I have met up with friends I met at primary school over the last 10 years since my youngest left primary. We are not part of a group,just made friends individually and met every few months for coffee/ wine etc.

Oh yeah definitely happens, I’ve met some lovely people and the cliques as well. Focus on the lovely people. Honestly don’t let these people live rent free in your head. Be pleasant but don’t go out of your way. If they don’t say hi don’t bother.

Because we all go through the world thinking we are more important than we are. It is the human condition.

I do agree @SpringerFall , it is quite self-centred to think that you are so interesting or important that out of all the mums at the school gate, you are the one that the "Queen Bees" have chosen to make the target of their bitchy smirks. What makes you so special?

It's Occam's Razor. What's more likely - a hardcore of mums who have decided to be actively mean and nasty, or a group of mums who have their heads filled with all sorts of other stuff and the "bitchy smirk" is actually them trying to work out what they will cook for dinner, where they recognise you from, or whether you're Dan or Donna's mum.