Husband furious, think that this is the end

as i found out the hard way - the highest cause of abuse in the home is step-parents (apparently that's a fact as said to me by a very nice lady who saved my life (literally))

I agree. Shocking. Ops son is highly vulnerable. He is in genuine need of support, love and compassion. This is such a tough journey and op will need all the help she can get. The locking you put of your own bedroom feels abusive op.

There is a prominent lack of understanding of psychosis on this thread.and a palpable lack of compassion. No one advocates tough love & pull self together for CA, or MS. Yet with mental health it’s a unsavoury behaviour to be modified and obliterated. This lack of empathy & pull self together is why stigma is so deeply felt. The lack of compassion causes individuals to feel stigma and shame and potentially conceal how they feel what they experience because they know there’s a palpable disapproval and misunderstanding in many people

I don’t think you have any influence over this situation. I found your lack of compassion shocking.

As hard as it is to deal with, your son is unwell.

Your husband is simply a brat.

As stated elsewhere, irrespective of how he feels about your son, your husband should be supporting you and not throwing a tantrum. You don't need this attitude and maybe you need to tell him to man up.

Please don’t speculate like this. MH issues are complex, and you do a disservice to those with issues by trying to randomly assign blame to others based on nothing.

I’m sure you’ve had enough messages to the same effect but, your son isn’t choosing to be ill. The effect your husbands words will have on him will be very detrimental to your sons wellbeing too. He’s dealing with enough, he doesn’t need someone who doesn’t believe him and isn’t on his side living in his own home whilst he tries to heal.

There are clearly numerous posters here who dont understand what psychosis is. I'm so sorry that you are getting a hard time on this thread OP.
I agree with @ChicDreamer that @DrFroggy's post was very good.

Why would what I read or say here, or the fact that a stranger on Mumsnet doesn't agree with me, stop me sleeping at night? In what way am I even remotely responsible for any outcome of this situation? Do you imagine I am secretly Victoria Atkins and have some sort of power here?

Very helpful comment, thank you for posting this.

It sounds as if you are in a strong position financially seeing as the house is 80% yours. Although I notice your husband is behaving as if he owns everything with the locking you out etc!

You have absolutely no idea op and I don't mean to be harsh with that comment but there are some people on here that have been very honest with you. Your son has an addiction problem, the addiction the weed has probably brought on the pychosis, it's a bit of a viscous circle. Good luck.

just because someone is mentally unwell does not give them the right to behave in a certain way,

He doesn’t get to choose how he behaves.

He’s not a little bit sad or in need of a kick up the bum. But whatever helps you sleep at night.

Do you not think that some of the people that op is defending herself against have probably been through the same scenario and are offering advice that they think might be helpful because they have been there done that and wore the t shirt?

And those that are yes bin the husband have possibly not been through the same situation? This will be affecting the whole family not just the son and the op just keeps defending the son and therefore I wonder how that makes her partner feel? Op might take all their advice onboard and ditch the husband and then end up worst off with a much bigger problem and nobody to lean on, ops husband might be at the end of his rope with everything the son has done.

It's very easy to say yes son has been self medicating but the stealing ect is a behaviour and it's very important to realise the difference because just because someone is mentally unwell does not give them the right to behave in a certain way,.

What an ill-informed comment. I’m embarrassed for you.

This “behaviour” is an illness. Have some compassion.

Would you advise OP not tolerate cancer sympathise with her DP because there’s too much drama and it’s totally draining trying to cope?

You're between a rock and a hard place OP. Your husband should be offering you support, not an ultimatum. Your son is, of course your priority but if you're constantly defending his poor behaviour I can (just) understand your husbands frustration. Would you consider mediation as a couple to deal with this situation? Since you seem to find communication regarding your son difficult
Some types of weed can and do cause psychosis ,which unfortunately doesn't disappear immediately even if the drug use stops.
Your son has overstepped so many boundaries already I would be concerned for your physical safety as well as for your mental well being. Behaviour becomes so unpredictable you will feel that you're constantly waiting for the next "incident".
I would suggest you talk to your local police community engagement officer (if such a thing exists in your area)They should be able to suggest contacts for you to offer support and counselling for you and your son. I would suggest contacting family support services at your local health and care Trust.
I don't think your quite in need of the "tough love" approach yet , throwing him out and leaving him to sink or swim on his own but it's something you might need to consider soon. He's in his 20s, you can't keep being his buffer against real life forever.

@strugglingflower I am so sorry that you’ve had to come on here and defend yourself. I really have every sympathy for you … he sounds like he had a great future ahead of him ( and I am sure he will once these issues get sorted).
Mental health is one of those things that when on the outside looking in is so easy to judge.
You came of here also in despair at the state of your marriage. I hope things are settling down … he should not have locked you out of bedroom and added to your distress.

With all the will in the world, mental illness including psychosis is much much harder to deal with than physical illness. And yes, I would put my own well-being ahead of an adult child who had cancer or an accident if caring for them was going to implode my life and marriage. It’s not ‘kicking them out’ it’s helping them to develop a support system that isn’t you. But some people can’t or won’t put their own life first.

I think your best bet OP is to lose the cave man, his way of dealing with things is not at all useful in the modern world.