Husband furious, think that this is the end

You have asked me to circle right back.

Er...could you translate this? What are you talking about?

I wonder. If this was a woman who's adult stepchild who was being abusive to her and her partner, presumably paying very little towards rent/supplies and introducing illegal and potentially dangerous activities into the household would we implore her to stick around? Or tell her to get out of there before she gets sucked even further into this shit show?

I do very much enjoy reading your spew though and then you attacking other posters about how they don’t know your views when you give off such a ‘vibe’.

So glad that you are pleased for me. Carry on making it up as you go along if it gives you enjoyment 😏

Well done for derailing the thread and continuing the stigma about severe mental illness.

But I am really pleased for you that you have no experience of it as it’s something I wouldn’t wish my worst enemy and their family to go through.

Yes, you are boring, I agree with you there. But if you work on it, you might improve with hard work and effort.

You've now really shown yourself up, haven't you? Speaks absolute volumes about the kind of person you are.

So you have sympathy for drug addicts but not for those with alcoholism? Perhaps you could provide a list of those who are 'fortunate' enough to elicit your sympathies. Cancer sufferers obviously don't qualify.

I have been in a similar position to your son, in psych wards etc for similar things. Your husband needs to "man up" it isn't something you get over overnight and he will need a lot of support to get back on his feet. He needs to work hard to stay clean and prioritise looking after himself. Is he under the mental health team? They may have groups he could attend when he is feeling stronger. Or local mind usually run support groups to enable him to meet other people and to get out of the house. Your husband is not supportive, of course you need to prioritise your son. I wish you well, things can get better for your son, it will take time to recover though.

So he only smoked one spliff, did he? (I presume your last sentence should say 'deserves'?) And it's all turned out really well for this man and everyone around him, hasn't it? You sound as though you are pleased!

And whether you 'don't care about the weed smoking or not' is totally immaterial. It's not solely about you and dictating your pseudo psychiatry theories, although you seem to think it is.

Wow, you can read! You're making progress with a little help from me 😂

Everyone a mental health advocate until it’s actual negative behaviours that stem from proper mental disorders. Her son can’t help it. His brain doesn’t function the way a normal brain should.

Aww you should think about becoming a counsellor or maybe the person that writes those little messages in hallmark cards.

I could never be with any man who asked me to choose between him and my child. A loving partner would never choose to put me in that position.

Wow, what a shocking thing to say!

@strugglingflower son used weed to help him cope with loss of job girlfriend and the death of someone. He wasn't coping obviously and his frustration at how unfair things were spilled over. Have some compassion fgs.

I am so glad to read he if off weed and whilst he lost his job because he's still poorly, the fact that he went and found a job knowing he was well says a lot about him.

I'd personally ask him to sign on and claim benefits for a short while until his health improves. Stress and anxiety are killers and I don't mean normal stress and anxiety I mean extreme forms. Be there for your son, he's still young.

Your DH in his own way is trying to support you, but he's handling it appallingly. Can you get some counselling so he can see what he's doing or are you no longer in love with him? If you don't love him then it's over, but if you do, I strongly recommend helping him to see his behaviour is totally unacceptable.

Whatever you decide, your son is vulnerable and comes first.

Sending a big hug xxx

Happy to oblige…

DriftingDora · Yesterday 09:09

I agree with much of this. The OP needs to accept that she cannot continue to tolerate her son's behaviour indefinitely - it will make her ill and then who will care for the son if this happens? The point about his aggression is extremely worrying, too - and OP needs to be concerned for her own safety.

I can also understand why the OP's DH has had enough. It must be totally draining coping with this situation and experiencing the drama of it all and who would want to live with that for any period of time? Drugs, aggression, stealing, losing jobs - where will it end? So I have sympathy for how OP's DH feels - he's probably at the end of his rope.

@DriftingDora Here the post you asked me to recall to prove your exact words: “totally draining” and “drama”.

It is a very unkind way to describe someone with a serious, potentially life-threatening illness.

You need to leave it now. You have asked me to circle right back. Any further interaction between us on this subject will just keep going round in circles.

I’m not making assumptions. You are obsessed with me making assumptions. I am quite factual and only respond to what I read.

I just don’t care about the weed smoking. It MAY have been a factor in the psychosis, it may not be.

Either way, He has my sympathy and I wish him well. Nobody serves to have their life turned around by a spliff.

Aren’t you bored yet?

I can see that someone might feel reluctant to take this on when it's not their own child.
But he is entirely unreasonable to not see the counter-productiveness of his ultimatum. Does he truly expect her to turn her back on her son?
Maybe I'm being unfair, he's just at his limit of what he can cope with, in which case the relationship can't continue. He can't take the heat so he must exit the kitchen asap. He is making things more stressful than they need to be, throwing petrol on the fire.

@strugglingflower will the EIS offer any family intervention for psychosis. Can he be medically reviewed. Are you aware of the negative symptoms of psychosis (positive symptoms are delusions and hallucinations) but sometimes negative symptoms can be very disabling - withdrawal lack of motivation psychomotor retardation. Not saying that’s the case at all as it’s just a forum and I don’t know your son. Honestly can I check the synopsis as I read it is a young man in his early twenties did well at school and uni no conduct issues. Became depressed smoked cannabis this spiralled to psychosis where his behaviour became erratic and he was treated and stopped smoking? I’m not sure how he’s suddenly a drug addicted abusive thug but I’d say the media has a fair amount to answer for. I’d explore FIP (family intervention) and definitely choose your son. I think it’s thirds in terms of relapse some people have an isolated episode some have recurrence and some have a more severe/chronic presentation. It’s a difficult illness to experience but there is always an element of hope. I’d be trying to get the meds reviewed too. Is there possibly any over sedation? If he’s neurodivergent (more ASD than ADHD for this point) then side effect profiles in Autistic people can be a lot more complex and often autistic individuals are more sensitive to medication. EIS should avoid overmedicating but it’s a hard balance at times.

Apologies this was a bit of a ramble but he sounds like he was on the right track and things have become very hard for him and you. How many young people use cannabis and aren’t immediately drug addicted thugs when psychosis isn’t exactly anyone’s first choice. Yes cannabis is a risk factor but no one thinks they’re going to become psychotic until they do!! It’s a bit like people casting judgement on pregnant teens as if they’re the only ones having sex! If you need some more concise information on psychosis to look at with/give to your DH there’s a good Australian website where the EI model was developed. Orygen is the name. I think everyone should go and read the fact sheets if you aren’t sure what this entails and that it’s not confined to thugs who abuse their mothers.

Sounds very hard with your son. However I think you are right to choose him. Your husband is being selfish- of course; he cannot be bothered with it all and it’s not his son. He is not giving enough to be your real partner here. You deserve better. Best of luck to you and your son xx

Common side effect from the medication he is on.

What do you do? You support your son. Surely your husband can see how difficult this is on you, he should be supporting you, not giving you ultimatums! So sorry you're going through this, wishing you & your son the best 💐