Husband furious, think that this is the end

For heaven’s sake. Her son had psychosis and was in mental health crisis.

Her son literally had a full-on psychotic breakdown. You don’t just recover from that overnight. He may never recover fully. You can’t fix that level of illness with ‘tough love’ ffs.

The ignorance on this thread is truly incredible.

If your husband is asking you to choose between him and your own son (who is clearly severely unwell after what sounds like a serious psychotic breakdown - it’s pretty clear the weed was an attempt to self-medicate, isn’t it?) and locking you out of rooms in your own home, then your husband is an abusive prick. No decent husband behaves like that.

Why is your son vomiting? Is it toxicity to the tablets? Is he on Lithium

It depends how old your son is I knew a family like this but the son was almost 40 never held down a job had a baby the woman left him had another baby with someone else who also left him he had no respect for anyone and would come home and speak to his mother like dirt he’d never been held responsible in his life and if your son is grown man then he needs some tough love and you can’t start babying him don’t take this the wrong way I know you love him but he needs to know that actions have consequences and learn the hard way not be his get out of jail free card in life or he will never learn

Your son would benefit hugely from going to college or if he can’t manage that then a little part time job would be a great confidence booster.

Most friends wouldn’t bail on you for having psychosis though so are you sure you know why they have all ditched him?

I don’t think you can let your son walk the streets - but if you and your do put a united front on in the beginning he may well have not slipped as far as he has.

It is confusing living with two parents with totally different approaches-

Is he taking any SSRIs?

Why can’t he go to work? Is he lying in? Staying up late on the play station? Why was he recently sacked? Can you call his boss and explain?

I'm really sorry, it would be my son every time.

@strugglingflower
Let your husband have his night alone. Tomorrow is another day.
I'd leave him be tonight but tell him you want to discuss this over the weekend.

Your son has done well to stop taking drugs and as his mental health improves can apply for another job and reconnect with old friends.

Your husband has to understand that as his mother you cannot just abandon him.
Obviously his choices and behaviour have not been great but he is now engaging with medical professionals and is feeling ashamed of himself. He is displaying awareness of his actions.

Your son needs you on his side OP and I know you are. Keep believing in him and he will start to believe in himself.

Your boy always 💙

Fuck your husband to be totally honest. Any man who would ask me to pick between my son or them is a massive cock.

Are you DH?

Tell him to pack his stuff while he’s in there.

What kind of person can’t find a shred of sympathy for a lad who’s just been in patient in a psych hospital. That’s not old school, he’s uncaring, unfeeling, heartless and cruel.

Also, he’s asked you to choose between them. This was your red flag that this man is bad for your son and it was selfish to ignore it.

DH shouldn’t have thrown a tantrum and locked the bedroom door.

But as PP have said he’s in a very difficult situation. You haven’t said when you got together but I’m guessing it was a while ago and your son was probably a child. If so, DH probably imagined that after a few years your son would grow up and leave home, and then it would be just the two of you. Instead, he finds himself living with a very troubled young man, with severe depression, unable to hold down a job, recently addicted to drugs, who absorbs a huge amount of his wife’s time and energy. It sounds like there’s little prospect of your son moving out soon, so from DH’s perspective this might be starting to seem like a life sentence. It’s almost certainly not what he thought he was signing up for when you got married. In the circumstances, I’m not surprised he’s upset.

I’m sure you can save this OP. But it’s going to require some difficult conversations, and firm boundaries with your son. If he’s going to live at home, he’s got to treat you both with respect - no shouting, no violence. He’s got to contribute to household chores, and generally be clean and tidy. He’s got to work at holding down a job, even a part time one. Agree those boundaries with your DH. It’s presumably his house too.

You yourself need to ensure you’re not giving your whole self to your son all of the time. You need to leave something for your DH, and also some energy for yourself too. When did you last go on a date with DH, or a weekend away just the two of you. Don’t say you can’t because of DS. Make it a priority. Make yourself a priority as well, and give yourself rest and time with friends, so you can be calm and unstressed when things get tricky.

Good luck

In your scenario OP, I’d support your ds. He is the more fragile person in your life. Your dh needs to ‘man up’ and support your choices.

Please look after your son, he is obviously hurting and needs you desperately.

Your husband is behaving like a spoilt bastard because he cannot cope and clearly does not want the hassle.

I would choose my son.

If your son is in this state you have bigger worries than a DH you need to ask to leave. I hope your son gets well.

Horrible situation and I empathise as I ended my relationship with father of DS2 and DD due to how he was with DS1 (not his son). It was no way to live, when he had gone it was a different household. My ex knew I would chose DS1 over him easy and I think that’s why he started it all up. Your husband is being horrible to your son, he has no sympathy for the fact he is mentally ill and I think I’d slap him myself if he told him to man up in my presence. Wishing you strength

I think both your son and your husband are at fault. Your son has brought a lot of this on himself by smoking weed in the first place. I wouldn’t give up on my marriage if I loved my husband because my adult son was a drug user. You can fight for both!

I'm not sure you know what psychosis is OP. It doesn't cause theft and abuse.