Husband furious, think that this is the end

Wishing you strength @strugglingflower . What a horrible time you are going through. I'm sorry that your husband is not supporting you. 💐

You are making the right decision to help your son. Is your son's dad around? Can he offer some support?

Choose your son. Please.

as someone who suffers with mental health, having those who are meant to love you not advocate for you is so debilitating. I really hope your son can get the help
he needs x

Your son has had an admission to hospital for psychosis, he shouldn't be looking and going to work while he's recovering. An episode of psychosis is life changing, and it's early days for him!

He needs to put in a claim for Universal Credit/Contributions based ESA and PIP. Hr needs to get to a healthy state. He should look at whether there is an early intervention psychosis team locally. And start some voluntary work if he feels able to.

Your husband sounds like a dick, even though your son has been hard work, he still needs and deserves love and compassion. And to take the medication for as long as he's told to.

Get your husband to listen to some of the excellent mental health podcasts on BBC Sounds. Especially the ones with people explaining their experience of psychosis. It's such a horrific thing to go through.

And also have a listen to Eleanor Langdon on TED. He may have been heading for a psychotic break before he was smoking weed and that contributed.

This sounds like my brother in law. He developed psychosis after smoking work long term. He was told by doctors, the weed triggered it. I would encourage him to get a job where he lives on sites e.g. butlins/haven he'll make friends and have people around him, it will be easier for him to get to work etc. He is a man now and needs help finding a suitable job. Once he's settled he'll meet someone and move on with his life. Staying at yours unemployed isn't helping him at all.

Actually you’re wrong. Psychosis causes a number of issues and can and often does cause reckless behaviour.

I think you know the answer OP and I'm glad you're standing by your son, but sorry both of you are going through this. I'm not saying parents have to martyr themselves their entire life if their grown up children have problems that they don't properly seek help for well into adulthood, but....I think there's a degree of your parents are the people who are 'supposed' to love you unconditionally even if you fuck up, and for anyone who's ever messed up (everyone) knowing you have the unconditional love and support of a parent can make so much different to your future life chances (and obviously sadly so many people are not that fortunate to have that).

Your son is still a very young adult and fragile so yes, having the unconditional love and support of his DM will make so so much difference to his recovery. If your 'D'H was really a supportive partner he would be supporting you AND supporting your DS in his recovery, not getting mad at both of you which just piles on shit when you're already coping with a difficult family situation.

Your son's MH could have been declining and the drugs and other behaviour could have been the sign of that / a coping mechanism. It doesn't excuse the behaviour of course but does explain it to a certain degree. How is your son doing now apart from the job issue? If your son is engaging with the professionals for treatment and trying to get better I would have a chat with your husband and explain all of this to him.
Locking the bedroom door though is inexcusable.
Best of luck OP for you and your son.

I grew up in a house where my mums husband was a twat to me. She never picked me over him. My mum did end up leaving him after I moved out. I love my mum to bits but putting me through all the growing up has really damaged me. For your sons sake leave your husband and concentrate on your son

He has no Psychosis thoughts now, is engaging with all medical professional he is ashamed and depressed now, he lost friends because of his behaviour.

My son started to display signs of illness 10 months before his psychosis, he was down and depressed and it snowballed. I tried everything including taking him to the doctor but he was good at not telling the truth, finally after the death of a family member and not passing the prohibition of a dream job, he started smoking weed constantly and within 5 days he was in psychosis.

So, this is the actual issue; your son has a long history of not being able to cope during difficult periods, used drugs to try and make himself feel better, abused you, stole, had a mental breakdown, lost his friends and is now unable to cope again.

I know someone like your son - they had a psychotic break at university - and although I've stayed in touch, they are exhausting. Everything is always against them. Nothing ever goes their way. Enter drugs/depressive thoughts. Spiral again. Lose friends - more spiralling. Gets clean. Something else goes wrong. Back to drugs/depressive thoughts.

It's great you want to support your son, but this is never going to improve. This will be your life for the next 30-40 years and I can see why your husband can't cope.

I'm sorry, OP. But I don't think you'll get any help from this thread as it's not a black/white yes/no matter. Yet, lots of people have experience with psychosis/serious MH illnesses - and none of us have ever stolen or abused our mothers. And you seem to be unable to accept that.

I also have a 40year old schizophrenic brother because of cannabis psychosis in his late teens. He hasn’t touched cannabis since but too late damage was done. He still lives with my mum. My dad died 12 years ago so it’s just her and him and he honestly has ruined her life. He has never been abusive or stolen. I think you need to think carefully about what your own boundaries are towards your husband and son. Rethink mental illness offer excellent support around psychosis.

This 100%.

Also, I have a friend whose son suffered psychotic episodes and who was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. He’s stable now and working again, but her suffering has been immense and I know that she felt lucky to escape with her life on more than one occasion. Getting him the right help was a nightmare.

You’re an amazing Mum, hang on in there and good luck.

I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this OP- how extremely difficult.

Ultimately- OF COURSE- you choose your son. Your DH has clearly had enough and I can totally understand that- it’s a very hard situation but I’m afraid an ultimatum for me would always mean choosing my child.

While it’s extremely difficult I do feel your DH should show a little compassion because:

1. Your son is UNWELL- psychosis is an acute symptom of mental illness. So it’s not just like he’s messing about here or being a little shit- he’s very unwell.
2. DH is married to you & loves you so he should try and understand & support you here however hard. He should think of you in all this.

Yes there’s a point DH has to look after himself too and clearly he can’t take anymore but his attitude of your son should “man up” rather than seeing him as he is- unwell at the moment- is misaligned with you and reality and lacks compassion. To the point he’d rather end his marriage. He should never ever put you in the position of- choose me or your child.

I think OP I would give it a final shot sit DH down & ask if he can stretch his understanding & compassion towards you and your son at this difficult time. But I think you should make sure you show that you appreciate DHs feelings too and how hard it’s been for him too. Is he feeling unheard in all this? Could you work something out for save your marriage?
More importantly what can you do to address this situation with your son? What other support can you call in professionally and family? Your son needs professional help but I see you’ve tried a lot if things. Would he see a drug counsellor for example once not in psychosis? You’re obviously a good mum. Best of luck with it all.

Having had (well still have) a brother that had episodes of psychosis in his 20s (brought on by smoking weed) who is now early 40s and is a paranoid schizophrenic living in sheltered accommodation you have a lot to think about here.

Your husband is behaving appallingly as he should be supporting you BUT by helping your son like you are you are enabling this behaviour and speaking from experience it is a cycle that will never end!

You will lose your husband over this I fear, as I said his behaviour towards you is appalling but you will also lose your son - there isn’t enough MH support in the U.K.

I am speaking through experience

he started smoking weed constantly and within 5 days he was in psychosis.

@strugglingflower so he had a psychotic episode after excessive usage of pot?

The absolute cheek of your husband locking you out of your bedroom.
If he doesn't like it, I'd tell him that he and his 20% can move along. (You have another man experiencing grandiose ideas in your home.)

Your son has an illness and your hubby acts like that. Your story is exactly what happened one of my brothers I'm so glad both our parents even tho not understanding at the time of the illness coming out were supportive,kind and caring. I would hate to imagine what could happen should son have a very very bad day and your hubby pushes him with his behaviour. Mental health stings but even worse so do people who try to pretend it doesn't exist. Your doing a great job in support

You choose your son as you so rightly say. You will find the strength. You will get through this. Use the wisdom and power of the women of MN and any therapy you can get your hands on to move on from this marriage.

Words fail me.

The whole point is that her dh has said she can’t

He has given her an ultimatum. Either she fights for her ds or her dh. He won’t allow her to do both

Hi OP, I know what psychosis looks likes. My brother believed someone was trying to climb the walls to his apartment to kill him, and believed he was getting messages thru the tv from a then famous tv personality. In a lucid moment he called me crying that he needed help. By the time I got there he was well back into psychosis again. I was able to get him help.

My heart goes out to you. Please, Just know people have been in your position and have also struggled with helping their loved ones and keeping them going. You seem to have done extremely well in getting your son the help he needs. You sound like a great mum. The world is often not very understanding of these things and it becomes apparent very quickly how help is often so hard to find and organise.

I’m afraid it probably is over between your husband and yourself. No one should ever ask a parent to choose them over their child. Marriage is about good times and bad times and sometimes the bad times are very bad. it seems your husband is not willing to do his part. All your worries and fears for your son are very valid and you need support, and if your husband can’t do this for you now, he’s not that good of a man imo.

Do you have friends and family you can turn to support? You do need some emotional/practical help to in order to support your son. Can you arrange to see a therapist for yourself? Are there any groups you can join that help to support the families of the mentally ill?

My son had a sudden change of personality, headaches etc and they diagnosed psychosis. It cleared up as quick as it came.

3 years later, again headaches and vomiting. This time they did a brain scan. It was in fact a massive benign brain tumour. Emergency operation in 2019 and he is right as rain.

Im not saying your son has, but I always implore people to check every possibility

You sound like a lovely mum . I hope things at home have calmed down a little for you .
Some of the comments on here are awful .

Weed can cause psychosis, it doesn’t medicate it.