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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is he paying enough?

207 replies

Havett · 16/05/2024 15:15

Ex earns over double what I earn. He’s on 85k.

Cms calculates this as 860 a month. He pays 1,000. Nursery is 1,200.

I feel like he should pay more given his high salary. I know legally cms says 860 and he’s already paying more. But he does zero for dd. Literally nothing. Would you ask for more given he’s earning so much

OP posts:
Scallops · 16/05/2024 20:49

The idea behind child maintenance I believe is that the dc are kept as close to the standard of living that they were when the couple was together.

Basically they're penalised as little as possible.

So I don't think the premise is half the money should come from each parent.

RacketsAndRounders · 16/05/2024 20:36

Is he reasonable enough fir you to sit down and point out the obvious to him?

If not, perhaps go round toward the middle or end of the month and ask if he has some tinned food he can give you as you can't afford to feed dd. See of he cottons on or increases it to try and put yu off spontanous visits at inconvenient times making him "look bad".

Original poster
Havett · 16/05/2024 20:30

crumbpet · 16/05/2024 20:26

What does she pay ?

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@crumbpet well I’m doing 100% of the care so should I be paying for that as well as doing it?

OP posts:
crumbpet · 16/05/2024 20:26

Sunnnybunny72 · 16/05/2024 20:22

So she should. What he pays equates to about £1.39 an hour. Including overnight care of his child.
What's a joke.

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What does she pay ?

Sunnnybunny72 · 16/05/2024 20:22

PixieLaLar · 16/05/2024 15:46

YABVU
Sounds like you’re more bothered about how much extra money you can get out of him rather than DD having more time and a better relationship with her Dad.

So she should. What he pays equates to about £1.39 an hour. Including overnight care of his child.
What's a joke.

Whatthefuck3456 · 16/05/2024 19:56

He pays £1000
you pay 200 towards fees
do you pay £800 towards your daughter a month? Or do u expect him to pay everything? He might not do much for her but he provides

MsCactus · 16/05/2024 19:55

I earn 87k and take home £4.8k a month, so if he's paying you £1k and has a 1.5k mortgage he has around 2k left over. He should easily be able to afford to pay you more - I wouldn't push it too hard though as he's paying above what he'd have to given via CMS. But I would ask if I were you

Coconutter24 · 16/05/2024 19:48

Havett · 16/05/2024 15:25

He often says money is tight. He has a 1.5k mortgage and then pays me 1k. But surely he has more spare? I don’t earn close to that so I don’t know

You’re coming across really grabby! Money might be tight you don’t know his financial ins and outs, he won’t just have the above 2.5k and the rest free money, what about his bills food etc? He pays you £1,000, then you then pay £200 towards nursery and the food costs etc fall to you, that’s sounds fair as you both need to be contributing to the child’s nursery and food etc

Original poster
Havett · 16/05/2024 19:18

QueenOfTheLabyrinth · 16/05/2024 19:17

Is nursery £1200 after the £500 you get quarterly (tax free childcare) as per your other thread? Or before?

@QueenOfTheLabyrinth It’s before tfc account pays in

OP posts:
QueenOfTheLabyrinth · 16/05/2024 19:17

Is nursery £1200 after the £500 you get quarterly (tax free childcare) as per your other thread? Or before?

ZestofCoffee · 16/05/2024 19:07

crumbpet · 16/05/2024 19:01

Ah yes we had that.. the I'M GOING TO CMS. Submitted all the paperwork asked for. All completely above board no sneaky tactics. And lo and behold they said she would get less! And he could apply for a deduction in milage if he wanted!

As it is he just pays their initially agreed amount adjusted in accordance to his salary.

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Funny thing is when DH said she’d get less she said “that’s ok - I don’t want to owe you anything and I want it all to be fair so I’ll let CMS calculate” and then when it was less I dared him to ask her for what she was “owed”

Disclaimer - he didn’t it was just a conversation between us as a married couple.

PixieLaLar · 16/05/2024 19:05

Havett · 16/05/2024 17:47

@Ilovecakey its not lucky for your child’s dad to pay towards you child.

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I imagine that PP meant lucky in the sense that your ex is a high earner so can pay a large amount. I would say you are fortunate that he is paying above CMS but apparently that’s not good enough for you…You haven’t said you actually need the money just that you feel like you should get more even though you aren’t entitled to it. Comes across grabby tbh.

crumbpet · 16/05/2024 19:02

Notamum12345577 · 16/05/2024 18:22

Often easier said than done!

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I know that I'm not stupid. But she clearly thinks she needs more to support her child so she could try.

crumbpet · 16/05/2024 19:01

ZestofCoffee · 16/05/2024 18:40

She said she wanted more money, he warned her the CMS calculation was less and lo and behold it was £400 pcm LESS than he was giving her.

A bit like the OP - some people chance their arm. She was convinced DH had more income than he did, hence fabricating it to CMS. She should have kept quiet.

Edited
Show quote history

Ah yes we had that.. the I'M GOING TO CMS. Submitted all the paperwork asked for. All completely above board no sneaky tactics. And lo and behold they said she would get less! And he could apply for a deduction in milage if he wanted!

As it is he just pays their initially agreed amount adjusted in accordance to his salary.

ZestofCoffee · 16/05/2024 18:55

Havett · 16/05/2024 18:53

@ZestofCoffee its pretty low to make a woman go through cms to receive money towards the upbringing of a child. Which is what your post suggested.

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I didn’t suggest that at all, I was merely commenting on the incompetence of CMS.

Im not clear, why, having established that wasn’t the case you’re still taking a tone with me like I am guilty of depriving women of CMS somehow??

Original poster
Havett · 16/05/2024 18:53

ZestofCoffee · 16/05/2024 18:45

Also who said he did the dirty? They were separated 8 years and divorced 5 years when we met. I wasn’t the OW. Not that I should have to justify myself or defend myself to you.

Edited

@ZestofCoffee its pretty low to make a woman go through cms to receive money towards the upbringing of a child. Which is what your post suggested.

OP posts:
ZestofCoffee · 16/05/2024 18:45

Also who said he did the dirty? They were separated 8 years and divorced 5 years when we met. I wasn’t the OW. Not that I should have to justify myself or defend myself to you.

ZestofCoffee · 16/05/2024 18:40

Havett · 16/05/2024 18:34

@ZestofCoffee

why has your husband’s ex been forced to go through cms in the first place?

I despair. Hope he doesn’t end up doing dirty on you too.

Show quote history

She said she wanted more money, he warned her the CMS calculation was less and lo and behold it was £400 pcm LESS than he was giving her.

A bit like the OP - some people chance their arm. She was convinced DH had more income than he did, hence fabricating it to CMS. She should have kept quiet.

Original poster
Havett · 16/05/2024 18:34

ZestofCoffee · 16/05/2024 18:26

My husbands had the opposite problem. They fabricated £40k of extra income PA on his exes word and then demanded he pay arrears. He sent all the bloody evidence of income and 5 months later a case worker admitted they had received it but not “added it to a worklist” the whole place is dysfunctional. It’s awful.

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@ZestofCoffee

why has your husband’s ex been forced to go through cms in the first place?

I despair. Hope he doesn’t end up doing dirty on you too.

OP posts:
ZestofCoffee · 16/05/2024 18:26

Miracleasap · 16/05/2024 18:14

Where did you read this? I've found CMS utterly useless tbh! They don't enforce a single thing!

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My husbands had the opposite problem. They fabricated £40k of extra income PA on his exes word and then demanded he pay arrears. He sent all the bloody evidence of income and 5 months later a case worker admitted they had received it but not “added it to a worklist” the whole place is dysfunctional. It’s awful.

Notamum12345577 · 16/05/2024 18:22

crumbpet · 16/05/2024 15:33

Maybe you should look to earn more?

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Often easier said than done!

Miracleasap · 16/05/2024 18:14

Willyoujustbequiet · 16/05/2024 15:21

They are bringing in new legislation so that CMS won't be based on income only but can also include things such as savings, property and other assets. Long overdue.

It may be worth waiting until its in force.

Where did you read this? I've found CMS utterly useless tbh! They don't enforce a single thing!

Miracleasap · 16/05/2024 18:12

TheAceWoman · 16/05/2024 15:23

You are paying for everything for your daughter. The least he could do is pay for her nursery to enable you to work to pay for everything for her. I would ask. He may say no but he is her father and can afford to so he might say yes. I would if I were him.

I don't agree with this OP. I say that as a single mum also. Are you actually struggling OP? He pays you £1000 so he really can't be that unreasonable because if he didn't want to pay there's NOTHING you could do. I say this as my ex is faffing around with money lately and has gone from a higher earning to paying £0.... just to give you a reality check. In the grand scheme of things I would usually say its not a race to the bottom but YABVU!!

ZestofCoffee · 16/05/2024 18:06

Assuming he pays into his pension (at 10% is what I’ve calculated) his take home is around £4.5k.

£1k maintainence
1.5k mortgage
he’s left with £2k which isn’t a fortune. Assume he drives a nice car on that salary? £500, he probably doesn’t have loads of disposable income after bills.

£840 CMS doesn’t sound right on that salary either. I’ve just ran it on the calculator and it’s £739pcm on £85k (no pension) if you allow for 10% pension so £76,500 income is £675.00 pcm.

Original poster
Havett · 16/05/2024 17:47

Ilovecakey · 16/05/2024 17:31

That's a lot of money! More than most people get. I would just think yourself lucky tbh

@Ilovecakey its not lucky for your child’s dad to pay towards you child.

OP posts:
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