Is he paying enough?

I know its hard raising kids but i cant help think you just want money sorry op i have to be honest.
A grand a month and still want more co-mon.
I read up thread that you said the cost of furniture as well you need to pay for that.
Its like you want him to pay for the whole upbringing so you can bank your money live in luxury with his it dont work like that.

I’m not judging either. I’m judging the hypocrisy.

Hopefully the son will have the emotional intelligence to realise that gift comes from both his parents as we all know you can’t feed, house, clothe and educate a child on £70 a week.

Hopefully the gift will also be lovely enough to make up for all the fun extras he missed out on during an unnecessarily frugal childhood.

I don’t think this petty bullshit helps the child at all and I’m surprised another woman would be so supportive of this behaviour.

Don't do that. Clearly the ex started the claim to try and get the additional money from the fabricated income.

Sorry you feel hard done by but don't take it out on others.

I know someone that got £5 a week CM.
You are very lucky but if you keep asking for more you may end up with less.
Happened to my sister enough was never enough so he paid a lot less through cm.
I also know a man that stopped paying his ex and started saving in an account for his child she went from 800 a month to £35 a week cm she was not happy.
The money she was getting was not all going on his child she was spending it on her self.
But his son will have a lovely gift when hes 18.
He also pays for clubs etc direct to the clubs so money is handed over.

really hope he doesn’t have any more children because you will be getting a lot less than the £1000 you’re not happy with.

That’s a really shitty comparison and neither deserves judgment. Many women are carrying the load and not getting a break - it’s hard whatever the set up.

I understand your frustration, but your choice is accept the £1000 or it drops to £860. There is nothing you can do.

Of course it's zero break. OP will be WORKING while her child is at childcare. Taking the odd day off barely makes a difference. Are you a lone parent?

The pile on at OP or any parent for wanting to be rewarded for caring for their child is just breathtaking.

In another 10 minutes, a SAHM will be along with a thread and MN will be wanging on about family pots, getting DH to pay her pension contributions, equal access to money, dad’s turn to take over childcare when he gets home.

Why the difference? A SAHM is basically being paid by her partner to care for the kids and gets a break. Yet OP has be grateful for whatever she’s given and gets no credit for doing all the work.

Oh for goodness sake! She doesn’t resent her child, she clearly resents the man for walking away. He is the one who resents the child or he’d see his own child.

OP I can hear your anger and I agree with you - it's not fair that some parents (mostly men) are able to create a child and walk away.

Then be hailed as kings if they at least provide a bit of support financially, whereas you do everything, all the mental load, all the day to day care and get no praise whatsoever and if you dare complain or god forbid, ask for a bit more help in whatever way you can, you are slated.

I really do get it and society really sucks with a lot of peoples mindsets to this kind of situation.

I'm sorry you ended up with a deadbeat as your child's father. I hope you are able to eventually find peace with it.

This thread has become a pile on and I think the OP would be well advised to step away

He's not paying you to care for her! That's ridiculous. You aren't an employee.

You don't have zero break. You have child care. Take a day off.

And? She doesn't have to. He can walk away so can she if she resents her child that much.

It isn't 'throwing money' it's relieving some if the financial pressure seeing as he does not take his fair share of pressure elsewhere.

The additional money can relieve some of the disproportionate stress on OP... meal deliveries, activities to keep DC entertained without having to do it on a shoestring, getting decorators in instead of DIY, having a cleaner etc. It helps balance out the unfair workload of parenting on her.

How are some people on here giving props to a man who has nothing to do with own child? Because he is paying a bit more than CMS (notoriously crap btw) have deemed this man should pay...what a true prince among men.

Raise the bar, for fuck sake.

OP, I think there is no harm in asking. If he drops the money down because of this, it seems he would of probably done that anyway at some point if you pissed him off.

Well personally I hate this mentality that throwing money at the situation will somehow make up for the DC not have a Dad in their life.

OP has not said once they actually need the money or is struggling financially, just that they think they should have more and I think that is pretty off when they already get above CMS.

But each to their own…….

I know someone that had this scenario. He then paid just the required amount through CMS. So she lost money overall.

The OP has confirmed that they both planned and wanted their child.
Would it be ok now if she just made 'some contribution' because they have split.
Their DC would be removed and put in care if she behaved like he is. And people would definitely not be defending her, saying 'ah but she did at least pay some money'.

I don't think she's complaining (whingeing is such a rude choice of word).

The point is that raising their joint child is having a higher impact on her financially, physical and mental resources than his.

I hate this mentality that it's basically a woman's job to do this and if dad throws her a (much smaller percentage of his income than she will be using of hers) towards the upbringing of their joint child she should be grovelingly grateful.

Between housing, feeding, heating, clothing and entertaining her child... A hell of a lot more than that!

Of course she is, nursery is not the equivalent of being a stay at home parent, nursery aren't doing housework, shopping, cooking, life admin, night wakes etc. she is the person who has to deal with sickness etc 100%.
What a silly comment.