Is he paying enough?

That, along with saying money is tight (whether it is or not) doesn’t bode well for him agreeing to pay more when he’s already contributing £140 over what he’s required to pay. If you have a relatively civil relationship with him despite his refusal to see dd I’d leave it alone. £1000 a month is not terrible, given the circumstances.

I haven’t read the full thread but I’m assuming he hasn’t gone on to remarry / have more children - if he does he may well look to reduce dd’s payments, especially if the new rules take family circumstances and other outgoings into account and he could get a lower required payment and I’d venture to say this becomes more likely the longer he goes without seeing her.

In short, I’d leave it for now.

@Beezknees he's not paying the bare minimum. Who says he's not giving his child all he can. £1000 a month on one child is a lot. And that is without the mothers contribution. Add in the mothers contribution and the child should have everything she possibly needs plus a lot of what she wants.

The dad's take home pay has £2500 coming out of it before he ever spends a penny on his own expenses. OP seems to think after his mortgage is paid she should be entitled to the rest!! There are plenty of bills and living expenses that eat into wages very quickly.

The man had a baby with a woman. The woman appears to be relatively financially comfortable and managing. Yet some people here seem to think the man should make himself destitute "just because". He is paying MORE THAN ENOUGH. His daughter is not doing without. His ex is not struggling. He has voluntarily paid above what has been calculated as his contribution. He is paying a lot of money already.

The fact he doesn't see his child is a separate issue. I'm not defending that.

I'm not sure I would be rocking the boat when he's paying over CMS.

No one is saying he should fund OP's lifestyle. He should fund his CHILD'S lifestyle. A man who earns well should want to give his child all they can, not just the bare minimum.

So what would be enough? Sounds like you think nothing will be good enough he's not suppose to fund the ops lifestyle it's not a wage. Sounds like some people have kids for money.

He SHOULD be paying above what he needs to. That should be the norm! All men should.

I'm a single mum who gets way less than OP, again it's not a race to the bloody bottom! Who cares if she is better off than most single mums, all that means is that we are the chumps here.

How sad for your daughter that her dad doesn’t want to see her and spend time with her and that it sounds like neither do you. So many women are scared to leave relationships because they can’t bear the thought of having to give up their young children for part of the week whilst they have contact with their dad, and here you are saying you resent having to care for yours outside of nursery hours. Most loving parents don’t mind paying for clothes/ furniture etc and enjoy spending time with their kids. It’s awful her dad has checked out of parenting and awful that you resent him because you’re left with her. Why don’t you just put her in foster care so neither of you have to care for her and be done with it?

Bottom line is he is paying above what he needs to, op needs a reality check so yes I will mention that I only get £7 a week for mine and it hasn't been paid since November! She needs a reality check she's way better off that most single mums.

And he pays her extremely well.

I wouldn't call it "more than enough" based on his salary, but I think it's OK. Bottom line is though people need to stop with the "I only get peanuts" comments, just because your ex is even worse than OP's doesn't mean she should just put up and shut up. We NEED to keep calling this out, men earning well should be expected to pay well.

It's not ridiculous op asked if he is paying enough and the answer is yes, more than enough.

Again, it's not a race to the bottom. What you're getting is irrelevant. "At least he is paying" is a ridiculous comment, scraping the bottom of the barrel for expectations of men!

Yes he's a shit, but pursuing this could end up with you making do with less. He's paying more than CMS, he has more than met his legal requirements as DC parent. In terms of outcomes it doesn't matter how much more he earns or if he's getting away with not being a father to the child he helped to bring into the world, because legally you don't have a leg to stand on. I wouldn't risk rocking the boat and ending up with less.

This thread is insane I get £7 a week for my children, I can't imagine getting a thousand pounds a month for one child I would be extremely happy with that! And no he doesn't see my children either. Most men who refuse to have contact with their children also refuse to pay for them and do whatever they can to get out of it so it could be a lot worse at least he is paying.

So childcare after help is £700 a month. Hos half would be £350. He is paying £650 extra. Are you saying that all the extra costs for your daughter comes to £1300 a month?

Even if his share should be more than half based on the difference in income, it sounds like he is paying more than a good share of all the costs AFTER the benefits you receive, which you conveniently forgot to mention initially.

It was general comment as OP has been sniped at a lot by others on this thread.
Not all single parents are in the same situation - some kids see their dad 50-50, some see their dad once a week and some get no help. Same with money. You cannot compare 2 situations really.

What on earth are you on about. ? How's that " sniping" at women who get good maintenance?

All single parents who work full time and look after kids without the other parent being involved are in the same situation with having to do everything themselves

It's not a race to the bottom. I'm a single parent with no help from my ex and I certainly don't get £800 a month but I'm not bitter at those who do, nor do I think them "lucky" as it should be the norm and expected.

We should be raising the bar so all men contribute properly, not sniping at women who receive “good maintenance”. Maybe she - and others - should be receiving excellent maintenance!

These threads bring out the worst. Men get away with the bare minimum and society just shrugs.

@Havett You seem to think life should be fair and equal to all. It's not. Wishing it was isn't going to make it so. There are plenty of single parents left to do everything with zero help, financial or practical, from their ex.
You are getting £1000 a month. You want more. Do you need more, or do you just want more because you're doing everything else?

It's ok to be annoyed and pissed off that you're shouldering the full responsibility. But think about your cash flow. We'd all like more money - but are you struggling financially? If you ask for more you risk upsetting a working situation. And you risk him dropping back to his CMS ordered amount.

You haven't answered how old your child is. If she's very young, maybe he doesn't feel capable of taking her, when she gets older and more independent he might feel more comfortable with her. Again I'm not saying that's a fair situation but not everything in life is fair.

You've asked is he paying enough? I'd say yes. Would you like more? Of course. Do you need more? If so put your application in with evidence. If you don't, I'd advise saying nothing and be glad that you are getting more than you need.

Like all single parents then but with a good amount of maintenance thrown in

No..he is not paying enough- you might not get more, but I'd want more too.- my DD deserves more . And needs a mum that gets a break more. . I give up when people say 'oooh he is a prince. He is paying more than legal minimum '. Pah. Low expectations.

Your take home is 3k. His is 5k. When he hands over £1k- both households have 4k. But 1 household is a single adult household- adult that can work 12 hour days and progress their career, do tonnes of evening networking events, travel to conferences at the drop of a hat, has a fat pension based on his base salary ...and 1 household is a single parent family- IE covers 2 people- one a young child who costs £1200 in nursery fees alone, who can be thought of as a full time, all consuming role in itself...one adult doing a full time parenting role and a full time working role

He has opted out of any care for DD. So, coughing up 1k is all he does every month.

OP does everything else. And yes, he should pay more to her.

Its not a race to the bottom. Have higher expectations.

I dont support anyone i just hear about it.

Do people just have kids for money fuck me it sounds it.
No matter what thread it is its never enough money cant anyone love their children instead if seeing money signs.
I tell you whats gonna happen op your gonna push for more he will get fed up and you will get less.

How much have you calculated your child costs you a month, and how much do you think he should pay?
I think £1000 a month is very generous. It's far higher than most single mothers will be getting. We all have to live within our means. Yes you are doing 100% of the practical work of bringing up a child, but expecting him to contribute 100% of the financial cost is just a non runner.

You can't force him to be a part of your child's life.

You earn a reasonable wage yourself, topped up by £1000 a month. Probably coming out with close to the same take home pay as he is. Are you struggling financially? Do you need the extra money, or do you just want it?

You would need to have a very strong case for asking for more, because as others say you could actually end up with less.