Is he paying enough?

He should pay all the nursery fees and half your household expenses including rent/mortgage. He should also pay for all his child’s ancillary costs clothing, shoes, text books etc etc etc until the child finishes education. He’s getting an amazing deal, he pays only £1000 a month and has no childcare responsibilities. He’s not paying you, he’s paying for his child. Conversely, he should take on 50/50 childcare responsibility in exchange for a 50/50 financial arrangement.

To all you lovely hardworking single mums out there, stop letting these men tell you they “can’t afford it”. They have the money, and it’s easy for them to get it when they dont have childcare commitments. Men are very resourceful, they can get the money if they have to. Xx

when you say he “does nothing” do you mean he literally has zero contact with her in any sense whatsoever?

Yes, fair enough. But that's not the case here. This dad does not put his DC first, he doesn't even see her.

That's a bit harsh to be fair,she's has not stopped him from seeing the child he has made the decision not too.but he has a responsibility to provide for the child that doesn't stop beacuse he won't see his daughter.

I think the op is being very reasonable childcare costs are absolutely extortionate she's not living the life of Riley she's a single mum doing her best to make sure her child is provided for

@LittleMousewithcloggson
Good sounds a lot like my friend, who was always very fair.

A lot more than what I get for two kids

Yes he did
But only because of the behaviour of the ex and the fact he had already given her 80% of the family home sale (so she had no mortgage to pay in the place she now owns outright)
He has put the extra he was paying into a savings account in his child’s name instead

@Beezknees
Yes it was some years ago
But either way I would have made it work.
As long as we both put our dc first that was the important thing.
I didn't want to drive him into ground financially, well because, he was my child's father, and she loved him.

@LittleMousewithcloggson
Did your friend reduce his payment?
My ex didn't.
We just carried on.
I think it worked for us because we always dc first.
As long as she was ok.
She had holidays , clothes and toys from ex.
My friend gave his ex wife a large pay out from the house on the understanding that the maintenance would be 'x' amount. Then the csa came along .....

Doesn’t suggest this at all
My friend was paying £750 monthly for his child - offered this straight away and has never missed a payment - but his ex went to CMS as thought she was entitled to more. Not his fault at all
(incidentally the CMS then said he should only be paying £340 a month….)
Anyway, my point is you can’t assume that someone was “made” to go to CMS!!

With all due respect, if you have grandchildren this was obviously a while ago. The cost of living has ROCKETED since Covid, with rent costs in the thousands for most people, my energy bill is £200 a month.

It doesn't make you a better parent not taking money from your ex. Love doesn't pay the bills or put food on the table. It's great that you managed without it, but it's not a bad thing to want financial support for a child that two people helped create.

Sadly the right thing, in my case , was not to get divorced.
But that was his choice.
All the money in the world could not change that.
I had no interest in his money after that.
I provided my child with everything she needed.
And some years later I was lucky enough to meet a good man who I eventually married. And later had another child.
It's all ancient history now.
3 grandchildren later.
It was never about the money.

I never got any CM was offered it via csa but i turned it down.

Like you it was not about money i just loved being a mum.

I didn't even want maintenance.
I was happy to have my wonderful daughter with me in a house I could afford.
I did receive some.
Years later csa came along and put the amount down.
Ex paid the same
Then csa then put it up and I said to ex - paid the same ( and if csa asked I'd say he was paying it)
Because it was never about the money.

Genuinely interested, for those adamant he should pay more, because of his lack of interest in the child - what’s the magic formula?

Uggh this thread is unbelievable.

I hope OP has long gone.

Some of the replies on this thread are shocking. I can’t believe there are women here telling another woman she is being grabby for expecting the other parent to contribute as much as she is and the shaming is extraordinary. Of course it’s not ok for one parent to have ZERO involvement in childcare. I don’t care how much he pays. He could pay 20k and the mother - working herself AND doing all the parenting- would still be disadvantaged because she has a child in tow for life. Honestly mind blown at how shitty, nasty and race-to-the-bottom some of the comments here are. It’s totally irrelevant if someone else recieves 25p. No one should be receiving so little! Never mind telling others to be grateful because so and so’s ex pays nothing. Best of luck to you op x

I don't hasn't paid it since November 🤣

At least you get £7 a week!

Do you normally struggle with reading comprehension?

And the fact that he doesn't see his child is not a separate issue, in fact it's very much linked because if he saw his child he'd be paying less. That's how it works.

The thing is though, if he actually saw his child he wouldn't have to pay so much! So I have absolutely no sympathy about him paying "a lot of money". If he was a decent parent then I'd have more sympathy, but actually I DO think that men who don't bother with their kids SHOULD be left destitute.

Yes, he is. Maybe it’s time for you to stop whining and increase your own income.