Will I ever get over my parents choosing my brother over me?

They picked where they preferred to live. What an odd post x

I agree with everyone else - you moved away from them first. They probably felt abandoned initially, then just got on with living their life.
In your parents shoes given neither you or your brother are in your hometown I would pick the town I preferred. That’s probably all they have done.
In reality you would have probably felt fine about your brother being ‘abandoned’ if they had lived by you instead.
Your parents can’t cut themselves in two.

You moved to be closer to your DP's parents. Why did you expect your parents to move too, especially when there is another sibling to take into account?

Have they moved because they would rather be near your brother or do they prefer the are he’s moved to?

MIL is very close to both her kids, but much closer to her daughter. However, where DH & I live is incredibly community minded, very safe, full of activities for retired people, incredibly beautiful and generally just a lovely place to live. MIL chose to live near us because it suited HER better.

Agree with the majority. Unless there's a massive backstory, while I can understand feeling regretful that they will have a closer relationship with your brothers child and see your brother more often, the feeling of abandonment isn't rational and there's no evidence that they "chose" him over you.

As others have said, YOU moved away first and your parents never said they'd move to be close to you, just they didn't want to always live in the original place. Presumably they moved somewhere they wanted to live, the fact it was closer to your brother was probably a factor but not the deciding one, otherwise they would have moved to the exact same place.

Sounds like both your parents and your brother now live closer to you than they did when you first moved, so surely a good thing overall?

Otherwise… you moved away. You chose your in-laws over them.
Honestly, you now have an opportunity to have a great relationship with your in-laws and have your family to visit/come and stay when it suits.
It will be easier to see your brother now that visit can be combined with seeing your parents.
There are loads of positives in your situation.

I think if you're already having therapy about this you shouldn't ask if you're being unreasonable on Mumsnet, because you'll just get a resounding 'yes, stop being pathetic' without the context which presumably makes all the difference. Are you trying to feel horrible about yourself on purpose so you signed up for a kicking?

Ah both my parents shacked up with other people when I was 13, one battered my mum but she tried to have me arrested when I reported the abuse to the police by saying I was lying (they were eventually convicted) and the other persuaded my dad to kick us out the moment we turned 18 before moving to be closer to her family and I haven’t seen them since 2019 🙃

I thought your post was going to be a bit like that.

But actually it’s just about you moving 200 miles away and your parents (as is their right) not wanting to join you.

I’m sorry to sound so harsh but pull yourself together.

Not here to talk about you.

I would assume so! But it's not as if the OP were living two doors away from them before they 'rejected' her by moving close to her brother -- the OP, her parents and her brother were living in three different places already. No one is 'rejecting' anyone.

YABU. You moved 200 miles away from your parents. I wouldn’t look at it as they chose your brother over you but rather the location. Maybe it suits them better or they just prefer it.

The thing is you moving 200 miles away may have made them realise how far that is. Not just in terms of visiting your brother but also being around other family/friends. But being 85 miles away from their original base is much more manageable in terns if staying in contact with other people from their home area. It might not be about your brother but rather taking into account everything.

I understand. My parents were living in France for 6 months of the year. They kept doing this after my DDs were born.
As soon as my sister had a baby they sold the house and moved to England permanently. As if that didn't hurt enough they then provided 4 days of childcare a week (much my mum's furry as she didn't actually want to do 4 days of childcare ) until she left primary school.
I'm obviously still angry but my parents still think sister is wonderful because now she helps out as they're getting older ( I help too but whatever I say and do isn't good enough).
Therapy sounds like a good idea. 125 miles isn't a massive distance, unless you or parents live in a very rural area, can you not meet up regularly? Facetime? Not the same, but at least you'd still be able to chat to them.

They hopefully felt proud and excited for her becoming an adult and pursuing her own dreams and goals and didn’t whinge about abandoning them.

If you moved for work reasons, I'm guessing you moved to a bigger town/city? And your parents wanted to leave your hometown because it was becoming too built up, which indicates that they don't like cities ... is your brother living in a large city, so their moving goes against the reasons they said they would move?

Otherwise I'm a bit confused as to why you see this as being about you.

Sorry OP, but unless there’s a massive back story YABU. You left the area first; your DPs said they’d leave to, they’ve ended up near your DB who had a child. That’s not favouritism, it’s just the way it is. If you have a DC hopefully they can come for longer visits and you go there for longer visits. You’re being OTT about this and would be unreasonable to make your DH move.

@Bluesunflowering your dp’s are 75 miles nearer to you than they were which must help.
And you have your in-laws nearby.
Perhaps your dp’s are jealous of the extra time your in-laws have with their dgc.

Yes you moved first and logically can’t expect them to follow you etc.

But honestly I would feel the same. My sister moved to be near my parents, so a different set up, but I still felt horribly jealous of the grandparent/grandchild relationship and of the help given and just the overall closeness.

If it’s any help, I have gradually made peace with it, and we see each other plenty. It’s tough though. You might have a lot of underlying issues to pick apart so if you can afford some therapy, go for it!

You moved first? Imagine how they felt when you moved 200 miles away..

You, a grown adult, moved 200 miles away from your parents.

You think that the fact that they didn't move to the same town is abandoning you?

YABU

Does your brother live in a nicer/less expensive place?

My parents moved 200 miles away to the same town that my sister lives in. It's a lovely place and suits them perfectly. I am
A bit envious that my sister regularly sees them for coffee etc. And I am completely on my own down here. But it was the right thing for them. And that's absolutely fine with me.

YABVU - your parents haven't chosen your brother over you and certainly haven't abandoned you!

You are the one that moved away in the first place. Did you want your parents to stay in your hometown forever or is it just because they have moved nearer to your brother than to you? Do you think he would feel the same if they had moved closer to you than to him? No, of course he wouldn't.

Your parents should be free to live wherever they like, they clearly prefer the area closer to where your brother lives and at least now, they are a bit closer to you than they were after you moved 200 miles away.

Surely there’s a backstory of them choosing him over you for your entire life?!

Otherwise… you moved away. You chose your in-laws over them.

By your logic, if they’re have moved closer to you then they’d be ‘abandoning’ your brother and would have picked you over him?