Will I ever get over my parents choosing my brother over me?

So you left the area then your brother also left and they chose to move closer to him than you - is that the issue? Do they still have friends in the original area to visit? Assuming they are now retired might they need support in future? If you moved you could presumably lose inlaw support as well as extend dh commute. You cannot have it all ways.

This is a very good point. If your parents had told you they wanted to move near to you instead, would you have tried to talk them out of it on the grounds that it would be unfair for them to "abandon" your brother?

Definitely YABU. You left, and now you're upset they didn't follow. You have your extended family nearby which is at least something. The bond between your parents and your niece/ nephew will no doubt be stronger as they are physically in each others space, but this comes naturally when one child distances themselves

God OP! Imagine i move to england and my parents its in Indonesia. Its literally on the other side of the road. I dont meet them in 5 years. I would love to if i can be like you move only 200miles away

it feels like a rejection to you that your parents are moving 75 miles closer to you?

I imagine OP would have been entirely ok with the reverse scenario, ie, parents moving closer to her and her family....

Maybe your parents are having difficulty getting over you choosing to move nearer to your dh's parents than them @Bluesunflowering

This is exactly what I thought. Does your brother live in a lovely area while you live in a not very inspiring place OP ?

I mean this in the nicest possible way but I think that this might be a you problem. They didn't really do anything wrong. Do you visit them often or invite them to stay with you? It might help if you arrange to see more of them. Maybe you just miss them.

Sometimes we spend time with people and don't even BBQ!

We sometimes have BBQs with friends, and sometimes with family 🤷🏻‍♀️

How can you feel abandoned? It was you who moved away.

What? Can't people socialise with family AND friends? We certainly do.

I’m surprised you are socialising so much with DPs, as adults I’d expect you to bbq with friends. Both you and DB.
Hopefully we won’t get more posts repeating the same comments. There’s been enough.

None of this makes any sense.

You moved away first.

They said they might leave their town eventually.

You assumed it would be to where you are?

They clearly liked the area your DB moved to better, and moved there.

You’ve not been abandoned?

A similar thing happened to me, except I didn't move away from my DPs, as they had moved elsewhere while I was at uni, where I stayed, they then moved from 2 hours away to 4 hours away, to where my sibling lives. They said they chose her as they thought I'd probably be more likely to move again. I'd been there for 9 years at that point. They have virtually no relationship with my DC and a very close one with my nieces. We can't move to where they are as there are so few jobs, yet houses aren't much cheaper. It's sad they haven't made more effort to make up for it.

You can’t always have everything you want OP. They have their own life to live and as you get older it’s a lot harder to just uproot for one thing (you and your family).
15 mins to be nearer one child is much less daunting than 200 miles for the other. Try not to take it personally.
Yes it is harder without your parents but you do at least have in-laws around. Lots of people have no family at all nearby - that is really tough.

I don't really see that they have abandoned you. They have moved away from your hometown as you did and now your brother and his wife. Maybe they just prefer the area he lives in to where you are. It sounds like they have made a choice between places not between you and your brother.

They are a bit closer to you if only 125 miles now rather than 200. That is easily doable for a day or a weekend. Or you can suggest meeting them halfway so you all only have 60 miles to travel to meet up somewhere? I can't see how they could make everyone happy as presumably your brother might not have been happy if they moved closer to you.

Is your brother younger than you? Maybe him moving away was the catalyst to make them move as they would not be close to either of you. I do think as you moved away first you are being unfair to them.

I think YABU but I think you know that op.
You left first.
You're DP's couldn't move beside both you and your DB so I'd imagine they chose the place they like the most.
I get that you feel you are missing out on the relationship they could have with your DC but the crux is you moved first so you chose to move away from them

You took a decision as an adult to move, as you say for work reasons. Your parents are also adults in their own right, and the days of them making decisions that are entirely centred on you have gone, because you are not a little child any more. They are allowed to make their own decisions, which will factor in all sorts of things (including, I’m sure, the different locations of their children, but also- their own personal preference of where they’d like to live, cost of location, services nearby, proximity to their other family members and all their friends etc etc). Viewing this as a rejection/abandonment suggests you’re still in the child mind set when it comes to them, rather than moving to an adult-adult relationship. Hope the therapist helps.

Do you think there is a history of this OP? How would you feel if they had moved 100 miles from both of you? Did they pick the area because your brother is there, or because it is particularly lovely and they like it? It seems like a strong reaction from you to what may be perfectly innocent. its sad not to have them nearby but it is an interesting reaction.

I think its good you're seeing a therapist as I don't think your being reasonable or fair. By your own admission you moved first so surely you abandoned your parents?
Life happens, people move, it's not personal

They've moved a 15 minute drive from ops brothers house. At least, that's how I read it.

This is so weird.

You moved.

What are the different areas? Maybe one more expensive or nicer? Nearer the sea? More amenities for retirees?

You could move if you really wanted to.

It's a bit of an odd thing to be jealous about.

Maybe they get on with DiL more than your DP?

Read it again.

They've moved close. A 15 minute drive away.