Will I ever get over my parents choosing my brother over me?

I'm closest to my dd2 but I'm not leaving England to move to America to be near her.
How do you know that sil is 100% on board with the interaction with ils? Who knows what is said in private.

Some of these comments are insensitive to OP whole is clearly having a difficult time.
I'm suspecting that this sense of rejection does deeper than this move, I'm thinking that's this has already been an underlying dynamic with brother & parents.
I'm in a similar situation. In my case though my parents think I'm fiercely independent & don't need them, it's totally untrue but that's how they've justified their lack of input. They totally spoil & lavish attention on my DB who in turn is totally dependent on them. I'm probably better off out of it to be honest

If you and your DP live in a big city like London for work, as a lot of young couples do, then the expectation on your parents to move closer to you is naive. As soon as you get into commuting belts the house prices shoot up and it doesn’t make sense for your parents at this stage in their life to make that change.

As others have said, unless there is some back story here you are overthinking this and coming to some odd conclusions so it is good that are seeking therapy to help.

If your parents said they would move nearer to you but then chose your brother or if your brother is the golden child I could understand your feelings but if is is all as straightforward forward as described I could understand you feeling a bit miffed but not to the extent you seem to be.

I have 4 dc - 2 married with dc, one at uni and one still at school. I was thinking of moving nearer my eldest dd when youngest dd leaves school in 2 years. Atm I live 20 miles from my middle dd and 120 from eldest. Dd2 is very busy and I don't see her much, also where she lives is very expensive. DD1 lives in a lovely part of the country, near the sea, close to where I spent my teenaged years and prices are similar to where I live now. Unfortunately my younger brother died recently and it was assumed he'd be around for our parents ( he was very close to them) - we all live/ lived in the same town. My parents are in their 80s still very fit and active but I have to think about them now as I'm their only child now.

Don’t take it personally @Bluesunflowering … They couldn’t live near both their children.. perhaps they felt that as you have inlaws nearby to rely on, that living and supporting your brother and his wife was a
kind option.

Yes, that's why she has not been back

Honestly op. You need to absolutely see a therapist. It's fine to wish you lived nearer your parents and it's also. E fine to be envious of the closeness of your brothers relationship to them but it's unhinged to let it consume you like this. They've done nothing wrong at all.

You've misunderstood massively. They've moved 15 minutes drive from her brother. Who lives 125 miles from OP.

OP, your parents have moved home and now live (as you yourself said) 15 minutes drive away. That is by no means 'abandoning' you. Just because they're probably 5 minutes drive from your brother, does not mean that he's been 'chosen over you'. I'm sure 15mins drive isn't going to put you out too much to go and see your parents, or would you rather have to go 200.miles to where they used to live?

This sounds fine to me, they like it better there.

See a therapist?!

what did I just read!

Kindly, you seem jealous and childish - you are not some thirteen yo vying for your parents attention

Seriously OP? You must realise you’re being unreasonable about this?

It sounds like they're still closer to you as hometown is 200 miles away and brother house is 125 miles away so magenta they're thinking they'll also be closer to you?

Is it possible they like where your brother lives and that's why they're moving there?

@NosyJosie a very unkind comment

The poster was explaining her situation which is similar to OP's

I'm struggling to understand the issue!

They didn't promise to move near you, they said they'd move away from their hometown

I can't believe what a hard time you are getting here OP. Regardless of how or why everybody ended up living where they did, I am sure it is very normal for one sibling to have feelings about it if the other sibling spends much more time with the parents.

Personally I expect to face this soon as my wealthy sibling will be retiring probably 15 years earlier than me and will probably move close to our elderly parents while I cannot.

Did you hope they would move closer to you? Did you ever discuss it?

I'm sorry you feel sad. I feel a bit the same. My parents moved house but in my case just to another town nowhere near any of their kids and I felt a bit miffed about it. They are totally at their leisure so could have chosen to come and be closer to us but elected not to. I wish they'd done something differently but I moved away and I can't force them to want to follow me, as much as I wish that they would.

Let's console ourselves by thinking of all the irritations that popping in for BBQs and things would involve. You think of it as rosy from a distance but imagine silly annoyances and inconveniences on a daily basis. Or your mum feeling like a 'second mum' to your child and overstepping the mark with them, or telling you you should be parenting differently, or any of those things that can happen when you live too close.

'My parents had always said they would move away from our hometown eventually, as it was becoming more built up'

^^ you said it! They've always said they were going to move! Get over it.

You left your parents, moving 200 miles, 10 years ago.

Even after ds, you did not consider moving to make them more integral in you and your son's life.

You work part-time - how many weekends have you travelled with ds to see them?

How did your parents feel being largely excluded from their first grandchild's life for the first 4 years and knowing husband's grandparents were more favoured?

How excited and happy must your parents feel being given a second chance at being grandparents?

Did you ever consider what it must be like to be your parents?

How did you grow up to be so self-centred and "entitled"?

This was my thoughts too. You moved away. I think you need to change your thought process here. You did without them for years.

YABU. You moved away first, and presumably they liked his area better.

Yabvu. Your parents are allowed to live wheee they want. You are a grown up with your own family. You can visit. They can visit. Live your own life. Your brother lives in a nicer place by the sound of it. They prefer where they live not who they live close to.

So, you moved 200 miles away first, then your brother moved 125 miles from you, and your parents eventually decided to settle nearer to your brother?

How is that choosing him over you?

This has nothing to do with a favourite sibling. The way you feel is entirely your feelings and in all fairness you moved away. I moved away similar distance and made it very clear some time later when I met now hubby that I wanted to return back to family area and he was in agreement and after 3 years of marriage that's exactly what we did for us,for our kids etc and it's turned out so good and made us closer as a family