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AIBU?

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Original poster

To do a PHD just to be able to use Dr?

119 replies

Confortableorwhat · 16/05/2024 12:36

Unfortunately, I don't really think that's an option for me, but I need a title to use.

I currently use Mrs, have done for 30+ years, alongside late DH's surname. I married very young and TBH it never crossed my mind not to take his name and use the title, although I wouldn't do it now.

Anyway, I've been a widow for several years, I don't like using Mrs because I'm not married, I'm not a "Miss" and whilst I understand Ms is a solution for some, I don't actually know anyone who uses it IRL and find it awkward.

Is there a good option?

OP posts:
StMarieforme · 16/05/2024 18:15

Confortableorwhat · 16/05/2024 12:36

Unfortunately, I don't really think that's an option for me, but I need a title to use.

I currently use Mrs, have done for 30+ years, alongside late DH's surname. I married very young and TBH it never crossed my mind not to take his name and use the title, although I wouldn't do it now.

Anyway, I've been a widow for several years, I don't like using Mrs because I'm not married, I'm not a "Miss" and whilst I understand Ms is a solution for some, I don't actually know anyone who uses it IRL and find it awkward.

Is there a good option?

I use Ms all the time. Have done for 20 yrs. my surname is that of my late exh but same as DD. But I'm not married and so don't don't want to use Mrs.

WhotheHellisEdgar · 16/05/2024 18:07

When I order items online I sometimes address it to Lady Edgar..... why not? Who cares? Certainly not Amazon or the like.

MelifluousMint · 16/05/2024 18:04

newusern99 · 16/05/2024 17:50

Ah well. I didn’t look at poll results. Just based “most people” off the comments I read. Glad to see the majority of people understand there is more than one kind of doctor.

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I think it was the same 2 posters, posting again, and again… and again 😁

MelifluousMint · 16/05/2024 18:02

Just use Ms, it’s totally normal

Or do a phd, why not

MumbleOrange · 16/05/2024 18:01

I don’t use Mrs or Dr though I am both. I prefer Ms.

msbevvy · 16/05/2024 17:59

AmiablePedant · 16/05/2024 13:38

I'm always surprised when many Brits seem oddly reluctant to use Ms. When it came into being in (I believe) the 1970's, the whole point of it was to prevent women having to define themselves through their married or unmarried status in a world where all men were Mr. It's very common in the US, especially among women in the professions.

This is why I have been going by Ms all my adult life, single or married. I don't find it awkward at all as my username will testify.

newusern99 · 16/05/2024 17:50

DrSpartacular · 16/05/2024 13:04

You've got that the wrong way around! 72% thought it was absolutely fine to use the title Dr if you have a doctorate.

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Ah well. I didn’t look at poll results. Just based “most people” off the comments I read. Glad to see the majority of people understand there is more than one kind of doctor.

Mumofteenandtween · 16/05/2024 17:30

Phial · 16/05/2024 14:39

Maybe we could call medical doctors "medic" from now on, and leave Dr for those with PhDs (including medics with PhDs).

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Both my best friend and her husband have both PhDs and are working doctors. I call them “Doctor Doctor”. Except her husband is actually a surgeon so left behind his “Doctorness” long ago and is “Mr” again. Becoming a doctor from his PhD would be a demotion!

I think that the Op should become a Dame. I’m not sure exactly what one has to do to become a Dame but I do know that Laura Kenny got one for her 5 Olympic golds - would that be a possibility Op? 😂

PanicAttax · 16/05/2024 17:28

In all honesty though, would the form checkers ever know? I mean if your utilities company thought you were Dr it isn't a biggy really, is it?

FloofyBear · 16/05/2024 17:19

Confortableorwhat · 16/05/2024 13:23

I thought I'd made it clear the Dr idea wasn't entirely serious....

I seem to fill in multiple forms a day where I have to tick a title box and it makes me wince a bit every time.

I also work in school, so my title is used all the time. No one uses Ms and in the odd case someone prefers it, it rarely actually gets used - mosy staff and students will use Miss for someone young and Mrs for someone older, but we do have a couple of Drs and that is respected.

I used to teach in a university and they still call you Miss 🤪

Quiteavibe · 16/05/2024 17:10

I agree in that I don't use 'Dr' in everyday life, and no-one addresses me as Mrs/Ms, it seems the main place for titles is on bills and websites, it would be great to drop titles altogether, and I say that as someone with a good title. No need for them in everyday life, fine in a work context.

CurlewKate · 16/05/2024 17:08

@RookieMa "
I wouldn't call someone Ms in conversation I'd use Miss or Mrs but on paper Ms is very common"

Why on earth not?

sarahc336 · 16/05/2024 17:01

Dp has a phd and works at a uni and most of his colleagues as well as himself never use dr as they feel it suggests they're a medical dr and they're not. also it can take years to complete a phd and costs thousands. I'd just use ms

Quiteavibe · 16/05/2024 16:58

I have only ever gone by Ms and Dr. No Mrs for me! I'd rather be Ms than Mrs, I'm a widow too and it is very annoying to have to keep ticking those boxes.

RookieMa · 16/05/2024 16:58

Loads of people use Ms on paper

I wouldn't call someone Ms in conversation I'd use Miss or Mrs but on paper Ms is very common

PanicAttax · 16/05/2024 16:58

I use Ms happily because I don't think anyone should know anyone else's marital status in this day and age. If it's important to you and you ask me, I get to judge you.

Smellsoddinhere · 16/05/2024 16:58

Surely if anyone can identify as anything these days you could just choose not to use a title.
if asked, I just say my name. If I have to tick a drop down box I’ll say ‘other’ or tick one of the other options if I’m feeling mischievous, Lord, Lady, Dr whatever takes my fancy. I hold no truck with titles and prefer just to use my name

Paninaro94 · 16/05/2024 16:56

I never changed my surname and have been “Miss” or “Ms” Paninaro my entire life. “Mrs” is so outdated, it should just be “Ms” for all or, even better, no title whatsoever

AgnesX · 16/05/2024 16:56

When women get to a certain age they default to Mrs in anything f2f especially in the NHS. I think I've been a missus since I was 21😀

Really, you stick with what you prefer. People will call you whatever they think is the most common status.

DinnaeFashYersel · 16/05/2024 16:54

Years of work just to change your title? Really? It is hard, its a lot of work, it will cost a lot of money and it will take years.

If you want to learn and enjoy the intellectual pursuit of it. If it will further your career then go for it. To change your title - its a rather silly.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 16/05/2024 16:52

I specifically did 'O' level Biology and English because I thought I could put OBE after my name. Apparently you can't.

With hindsight it would better to become a 'Lollipop' person at a school crossing to get that accolade. 😕

AngeloMysterioso · 16/05/2024 16:49

I’m a Ms. Didn’t change my name when DH and I got married.

Spaghettily · 16/05/2024 16:47

AdaColeman · 16/05/2024 16:44

You could buy yourself a title @Confortableorwhat , would you like to be Lady Comfortable? I'd quite like to be Contessa Ada!

I know someone who suddenly started adding Lady to their name, she says it helps when booking restaurants etc!!

That was my first thought.

Spaghettily · 16/05/2024 16:47

newusern99 · 16/05/2024 12:51

There was a thread the other day where most posters thought it was a ridiculous idea to use the title Dr if you have a PhD, as apparently you are not a real Dr.

Except it was stated several times that the title ‘Dr’ was always for academia and medics took it on but don’t actually train to doctoral level.

AdaColeman · 16/05/2024 16:44

You could buy yourself a title @Confortableorwhat , would you like to be Lady Comfortable? I'd quite like to be Contessa Ada!

I know someone who suddenly started adding Lady to their name, she says it helps when booking restaurants etc!!