Husband taking kids abroad

I’ve been thinking about the language of this one. The fact that OP seems to believe she’s in a position to stop them going doesn’t sit right with me when they appear to be in a stable, happy marriage (yes I’ve taken into account her DH has been away but classic drip feed to support her view imo). If we had a similar post saying someone’s DH wouldn’t “let” them take their kids on this trip would be littered with claims of abuse and LTB.

My friend’s husband flatly refused to fly. They did actually do a Spanish holiday by ferries and trains. So there are other ways to get to Greece if need be..

Echoing everyone else and saying do something about this fear. It's irrational and you know it. You should all be there together. You're being completely and utterly selfish and for absolutely no reason. Do a course, take drugs, whatever, but knock this shit on the head for your family's sake.

My mates wife was like this. Her daft fears got to the point where she wouldn't even go out of the county. Completely clipped their wings. He always hoped she'd get help but she just fobbed him off with false promises. Then he died before he was 40. Fucking waste.

I think some people are missing that the DH has been away working in another country for 6 months. Unless they've been flying him back weekly he's been pretty much absent from both kids lives for that time. OP is their main caregiver, and may not see her DHs family much. If OP doesn't go and kids don't go, the kids massively miss out. If OP doesn't go and sends the kids they're also missing out. They're in a strange place with people they haven't seen very often, their own father included. It will be fun, exciting and stimulating, probably overstimulating. And what young children need in an overstimulating environment is comfort and reassurance from primary caregiver.

OP needs to work out a way through for the sake of her kids, not just accept she won't be going.

I get your fear of flying but what I don't get is why you don't go anyway. It's Greece and not Australia you can drive/train/bus it.

Clearly you're someone who doesn't understand phobias, so this is incredibly unhelpful.

Phobias are not rational. They are very debilitating.
OP is not being irrational for having a fear of flying (unless she has failed to get this treated). She is however being irrational for getting in the way of her family doing something because of it.

That is the most ridiculous and unkind post I have seen on MN.

I wholly understand how debilitating a phobia is. I have one that does affect my everyday life to some extent, and it's not a case of getting hypnotherapy or CBT and it magically goes away. So hugs to you OP.
I would look into trains and a boat. It's doable.

You should absolutely let them go. They will have a brilliant time.
Work on your fear of flying and if you can't you'll need to learn to wave them off with a smile and let them enjoy this holiday and those in the future that your husband may want to take them on. Having a fear is awful but you shouldn't hold others back because of it

They should go and so should you. Your fear is irrational.

I am much more frightened on busy motorways than on a flight. I understand your fear though and Îm sorry you have to live with it.

How can you not 'allow' them to go? Are they solely your kids, he's not their father? If he is, what right do you have to forbid dad taking his kids to holiday/wedding? By that logic, what if the next time you want to go somewhere as a family (within UK, say), your husband can't (work/whatever), so he'd just 'forbid' you too, as he 'cannot be separated from his kids for so long'. Would that be ok?

I would let the 5 year old go and keep the 1 year old at home - they will probably miss you the most as too young to understand what’s going on and will probably struggle with a wedding environment - they’re not fun for a child that age.

I think it would depend on how much time your husband can spend with your youngest between now and September. I think at minimum your husband and oldest should go, but perhaps keep your youngest at home as it sounds like it would coincide roughly with when babies develop separation anxiety (9-10 months) so it might not be that great for any of you if he goes and is inconsolable. Also, if your husband has been away a lot it's great for your 5 year old to get some quality alone time with him too.

DS will be 11 months actually at the time so I would be a lot happier if he could stay with me if unable to go. Does this sound reasonable?

YABVU

Why should your DS miss out, or his sibling, dad and wider family miss out on him being there, just because you’re not going.

Stop being selfish.
If I was DH I would be very upset that you think I’m a bad parent.

To put your mind at rest, why not get DH to book the same flight as other family members so they can help with the kids.

You are being massively unreasonable. I get you have a real fear of flying and cannot go but it would be extremely selfish of you to stop your children going. It wouldn’t be fair on your DH,
your children or his family. Why would you even think it would reasonable for them to suffer because of your phobia?

Surely this is the perfect opportunity for the dad to step up if he hasn’t seen the 1yr old much. He’s the father, if you don’t trust your husband with his own child I think there are bigger problems. I think it would be a great opportunity for him to have some quality time with his children if he is away a lot.

not sure about 11 mont old bit young seeing as dad isnt around much an having a picture is a crap reason

you can get medication or or a fear of flying course you have time

Hopefully this is a wake up call for you about how your phobia can affect your kids. What if there are more group holidays? MIL gets an inheritance and wants to take all the families to disney world for 2 weeks? They miss out. Be it on the experience or on having you there with them for it. Your husband has been away for 6 months on and off so presumably not been there much for 5yo either. Your poor 5yo either misses out or has to go without his main caregiver.

You can get to Greece by coach. I did it a lot when I was young and before the days of budget airlines. It takes about 3 days.
I don’t think there is any need for your youngest to go. It won’t get anything out of it. So maybe your husband could just take the oldest.

I think 11 months is too young to go, your DH will have a hard time parenting a 5yr old and a baby (I would say this about a mum too). If it was MY DH I would be very confident he would be fine with the 5yr old as he is safety conscious and aware, but I find a lot of dads are not so good assessing safety sometimes and especially if he is not used to looking after them alone.

The problem with being at a family event is that everyone thinks someone else is watching the child and that’s where accidents can occur or the child can go missing. I would be really concerned if there is a pool for example.

Have you tried hypnosis to help you get over your fear? It would be a real shame if it kept getting in the way of lovely family experiences in the future.

Note that option 1 on this list describes a direct train from Paris to Milan. That's not possible at the moment owing to a major landslide that happened last year. However you can get there by going via Zurich. DH and I did it last month when we travelled to the Italian Lakes by train. The journey from Zurich to Milan was great through the Alps and past Lake Lugano.

Yes, unreasonable. He is as much your husband’s child as yours.