Men still get away with this. Why?

Oh of course and there are statistics that indicate that the children of men have "better outcomes".. right now my son who grew up without a father is on course to do very badly in important exams. One run in with police under his belt.

But I wonder about "better outcomes". Does it mean more fearful of father as opposed to more connected to mother.

My son had no respect for me, so if the male children of single mothers have poorer outcomes, that is down to young men also having a total disrespect for women, but yet, men, the few men who are single parents are recognised as having children with "better outcomes".

I think it's down to a stronger power imbalance between a man and a boy.
Women don't have that at home with a teenage boy.

The problem is that single mothers make so many sacrifices for their sons (and daughters) but end up disrespected by men and yet men pat themselves on the back when they see stats proving children of single dad's after "better outcomes"

Could be wrong but I personally feel that when single fathers are bringing up children alone. There's things said such as. He's bringing them kids up on his own, he's doing so well etc etc.

When its the single mother i feel like. People still look down their noses . Not so outwardly like it would have been many years ago. But it kind of feels mum is to blame sort of thing.. don't know if I'm making sense 🤣

There is a whole culture of men doing it and thinking it's ok to do it, women might do it too but it's much more rare as you well know, there's no culture of this among women.

We all know that's true from experience. They are deluded x

Agree with what you said. Exactly. My mum had me and did not receive one penny from my father all my life bless her. When I did eventually catch up with him he bought me one coffee. Wow. A lifetime of emotional, mental and practical support, budgeting and saving every last penny.
I think that women should also be able to back claim any support for half of what they have spent. Seems fair to me if they are taking on all the management, budgeting and responsibility, it's the least a "sperm supplier" can do.
It makes me sick and this is still going on and acceptable nearly 50 years later.
The patriarchy won't see a problem til it affects them so unprotected sex should lead to consequences. That would cool their ardour and coercion.
Plus the woman and child is stigmatised. "Single mums are to blame for this, that and everything in society" was a regular story in The Sun.
They are the innocent ones who a human male effectively leaves for dead. The naming and shaming should be on him.
Look at Boris and all the entitled dicks in the government. They are the cultural leaders of what's acceptable and we enable them to get elected when they are morally bankrupt.
Am totally with you. They are despicable humans. Imagine leaving a Mother when she is at her weakest and needs the most support and then imagine leaving an innocent little baby and skipping off onto the sunset with no/little consequences?
That's the patriarchy accepting a man's perspective and not even registering the woman's? 🥲

Take no notice, this poster and a few others seem to be entertaining themselves posting various versions of ‘women are the problem’ on lots of threads.

Advanced search is interesting for some posters. 😉

Up to what percentage of the baby's growth cycle should the woman be able to kill it?
Match that to when the child is 18 for the man and see how that feels for you.

It isn't only men that can walk away, don't be daft. All breakups create a single parent household, at least for a time. Then bear in mind that our legal system then ensures that in almost cases, if the woman wants the child, she gets it.

So it it really a surprise that most of them are headed by women? You have no evidence of how many of those are from the father actively walking away. I certainly know enough who don't get to see their kids as much as they'd like, because the woman prevents it.

She never paid her mortgage/rent therefore keeping a roof over the kids head? Of gas/electricity bill to keep them warm, provided them with food and entertainment? Water bill? She never bought them any food? Etc. Because you do realise the maintenance money would have been used towards that?

I don’t know your circumstances but I’ve heard quite a few men claim that their exes are spending all the maintenance on themselves because they dare to have a night out or their nails done.

My friend has 2 teens and gets £600 a month maintenance from their dad. He tells everyone that shes spending it all on herself. It doesn’t even cover the kids hobbies never mind anything else.

Parents should morally pay for their children. They should be hounded. I.know it is usually men.who don't pay. Tax payers should not have to.foot the bill

There’s also the social issue where it’s seen as odd for women to hand over the parenting reins, and they get judged for it.

brother’s daughter got a place at an excellent 6th for 10 minutes walk from his house. It meant her moving in with him m-f.

he was delighted.

his ex was horrified. Said point blank she would not pay maintenance because she was not “paying to have my child taken away”. She, her family and friends all thought a child should be with mum, and it wasn’t normal for that child to live with dad. Even if they were nearly 17 and completely their choice.

eventually the child was talked out of it because mum would miss her too much. No one even stopped to think hang on, this is how her dad’s been feeling the last 10 years. Paying every month, more than enough. Seeing his child on weekends, not being allowed to be a full time dad.

child went to a not so great 6th form 1.5 hours on public transport. The opposite direction to her dad’s house so she had to stop popping in after school. That was the beginning of the end of their relationship.

No one is denying women do it sometimes, but it is mostly men who abandon kids.

I know of women who have done it, 2 of them in fact. But I know of many, many more men who have done it. There’s not a huge societal problem of women abandoning children, not seeing them, or seeing them rarely or not paying properly for them. When women do it they are judged harshly. There is a massive societal problem with men doing it. It’s undeniable.

Theres no reason for good fathers to be offended by stating the truth. If you’re a good father, you should be as disgusted by these arseholes as we are. And yes, you can be disgusted by any woman that abandoned their kids too, but there’s no where near as many. That’s just how it is.

It blows my mind that it’s become a social norm for men to not see and/or not pay properly towards their children.

I think most decent people find it disgusting when it’s someone close to them, but when we hear a random mum say ‘their dad doesn’t see them’ or ‘he sees them once a month’, we’re so used to it that it hardly registers.

When we hear the much rarer cases of women not seeing their kids much, or at all, or not paying for them, almost everyone is appalled. Their faces contour and you can see their confusion and disgust. Rightly so, but men that do it need to be shamed by society in the same way. It needs to become socially unacceptable.

And it’s nothing to do with not being married, but everything to do with being a decent person. We never got married but my partner has been just as involved with our kids as I have from day one. If we had ever split, there is no way that he wouldn’t have seen and paid towards our children, both out of complete love for them as well as duty.

A friend of my partner cheated on his pregnant partner, stopped seeing his already existing child, and being self employed, fiddled his accounts to pay less maintenance. Bastard. My partner and the rest of his friends stopped speaking to him over the whole thing. Cheating on his wife, leaving her with a toddler and pregnant with their second, and if that wasn’t enough not seeing them or even paying properly towards them, sickened them all that they cut him out completely. He tried to contact his kids as older teens, conveniently not long after splitting with the OW and they told him where to go. They’re team mum all the way and the three of them are very close. The bloke lost his kids and all his long time friends. Very satisfying!

You chose this man to impregnate you and chose wrong.

Of course he should pay his share and is by all accounts.

However you chose to go through with the pregnancy and therefore it's only right that you bare the brunt of the long term consequences.

Like most single mums you desperately wanted a kid and ignored the red flags this dud was almost certainly waving.

It's biology that dictates that a men and women have choices at different stages to not have a baby, men and women before conception and women after.
That's just the way it is, it's how sex and pregnancy works. It's a fact of life in the same way a woman carrying the child and giving birth is.

And when do you implement this choice for men? At what point can they choose to walk away? After the abortion cut off? Birth? 1 year old? Forever? It's pretty much the system we have now isn't it? Only men manage to walk away at whatever point they want and with very little concequences - even after a committed relationship and planned family.

@ArthurTheBadger I take it then that your ex had absolutely no income of her own then? That the only income she had for the children and herself was the maintenance? Because that's the only way she could have been exclusively spending maintenance money on her social life.
You sound like a good father who has invested in the relationship with your children to good end, but you also sound bitter that your ex dared to have a social life because you were paying money to her for the children. I never got a penny in maintenance, yet still managed a modest social life at times - was that allowed because I wasn't getting any money from a man for the child we created together?!

What!?
So what happens when they bugger off after the baby is born, infanticide?

Men complain when women have abortions and when we don't. They also complain about single mothers being a burden on the state, yet do nothing about the fathers who create that problem.

More men should sort out not impregnating women they have no intention of becoming fathers with.

I quite agree. Only a scumbag would abandon their children.

However, if women should have the legal freedom to kill them (her body her choice), then men should have the legal freedom to not provide for them (his body his choice).
It's the fair thing, distasteful or not.

In my world, people would be doing neither of those things (except in fringe cases), and then the absent parent would have their wages garnished or go to prison.

You should be furious that men get away with this then?
Why aren't you out there calling them out? Calling for change?
Do you feel like a chump or something, because why on earth would you come on here to declare NAMALT and ignore the majority of single fathers who are?

And the man arrives to say NAMALT.

This is really unbalanced. So many comments say that "men" are unreliable etc. No. Some men are. Some are not. Some Women are. Some are not. I managed to parent my children despite not being the resident, and I watched their mother spending the children's maintenance on her own social life, therefore having to support them twice over. I paid maintenance in full, on time. I never missed a time when I had the children, and dedicated the entire time to them. As a result, I have a superb relationship with them now they are adults. So stop generalising.

I wouldn’t dwell too much on the 50/50. Its merely a starting point. If you brought the property into the marriage, unless the marriage was decades long and he completely sacrificed a good career to be a SAHD, then its extremely unlikely he'd get half of your house.

I'm not talking about individuals or small groups of people who choose to stay single and not have kids though am I?

I was responding to a comment from a poster who said she works as a supervisor in a facility with 250 men under 40 and that NONE of them want to get married and have children.

Reading it again as 'facility' I'm wondering are they not allowed to leave this place and their jobs are just to keep the facility going because apart from that yes it would be extremely odd to work with 250 men and none of them want kids because they're worried about women screwing them over. 🤔

You don’t need to be “independently wealthy”.

i owned my house and had a decent job. That’s all.

i did get married due to family pressure.

however it has left me vulnerable as should we split I have to buy dh out my own house as he is entitled to 50%.

had I not got married the house is mine and he would have left with nothing.

i can support myself and the kids on my salary easily. If I had to remortgage to pay him off I’d be in the shit.

If a man isn't committed enough for marriage it's a warning sign that he won't be committed to any kids. Unless the woman in independently wealthy, babies outside marriage are usually not in her interests.

We need a system like many other countries have whereby child maintenance is taken directly from the paycheck, from employers. If you aren't employed by PAYE company you should be investigated regularly to check you aren't living beyond what you are claiming to earn. We do it for other tax evasion and this has a bigger effect on the economy and benefits claimants nationally.