To video call racist unapologetic SIL to DDs 1st birthday?

Also, do you expect your husband to stop talking to his sister over this?

I would let your DH have whatever relationship he wants with her. Let him be the one to arrange any communication between them. He's capable of video calling her if he wishes. You don't have to facilitate it just be sure you're the woman!

I'm going to go ahead and assume you're from India. The picture this man would have had of India is crowded trains, slums/shanty towns etc. You of course know that there are very affluent areas of India and a lot of Indian people have considerable wealth. But they don't tend to show up in social media photos. People from India who are over hear generally tend to be wealthy and well educated. The poor people are still stuck in the slums in India.

I'm Irish. Look at a globe, Ireland looks tiny. During "the troubles" in Northern Ireland anytime we spoke to anyone not Irish, specifically American, sometimes English, we'd be asked what it was like living in an area with constant bombs and shootings. They honestly believed that the entirety of Ireland was being bombed with everyone shooting each other. The troubles in the north may as well have been happening in Norway for all the effect it had on our day to day lives.

I think it was clumsy and ignorant (as in uneducated) but I'm not sure it was deliberately racist.

“You come from a poor country. Why are you in Europe?, Do you live in a slum?, Do people sit on top of the trains?”

I come from a "poor" country and lived here for over 30yrs and if anyone said that to me I'd be hurt and offended. So I'm saying OP is not being unreasonable to view this as racist. I've never experienced direct racism so perhaps I have been lucky or I give them the benefit of the doubt, but if someone said the above to me I'd be very cross.
And you SIL and DH are also in the wrong for going along with it.

It doesn't sound racist to me but I am white so I don't get to tell non white people what is racist and what isn't.
I would just do nothing at all, if your H wants to set anything up then let him but don't be a part of it

Sounds like you were the centre of attention for all the wrong reasons; has he really been so sheltered in his own life that he can't understand other peoples backgrounds are entirely different to his own? It's not your job to open his mind.
If it were me I'd continue with no contact. I hate it when people say; 'oh it's just their sense of humour' 'you need to get to know them better' etc.

Don't allow yourself to be belittled and insulted.
And dont allow your child to be either.

Would never occur to me to video call anyone on their first birthday! I mean she'll just be talking to you (or partner one would hope).
Have you explained things to your husband? If he wants to deal with his sister you can't prevent that, but talk to him about the racism.
Frankly he sounds totally ignorant. I have an American accent (I'm English) and I've had people say things to me and overheard stuff that's just totally off the wall. But it's their ignorance from TV shows obviously not racism. (Though having Trump as president was hard to explain...)

It still could be clumsy interest

🙄

It still could be clumsy interest

But if SIL didn't bother calling when DD was in A&E I doubt she's gonna care its her 1st Birthday anyway tbh

@ILikeEggsAnd don’t bother answering anymore PP’s questions about what was said. They and others will twist themselves in pretzels to portray the words as not racist. MN is notorious for this. You know in your gut it was racist so just keep it yourself.

Regarding your OP, you don’t need to socialize with racists or subject yourself to their hate. Don’t bother with your SIL or BIL.

Are you sure it wasn't just a clumsily worded question?

It's one of those which could be hugely racist (have you come to steal our jobs?) Or could be curious (I'm interested in what happened to you)

A very handsome Brazilian man came in to my clinic, we were chatting and I asked him why he was in the U.K. ( I was genuinely interested) Does that make me racist?

He said he was here for a better life as it was very dangerous in Brazil and wouldn’t be able to walk the streets with the watch he was wearing.

He was a really nice guy and we chatted for ages, I don’t think he was offended. Maybe your bil was genuinely interested in your back story

I hope you're equally pissed off with your husband for not having your back and challenging the comments.

I'm also curious why you're blaming SIL when she didn't say anything.

The worst part was my DH said absolutely nothing. Thanks to my DH being silent, I cut contact completely with SIL and her family

And divorced your cowardly, covertly racist dh presumably?

Is this exactly what he said??

I would never do that! But I would genuinely be interested to learn/understand your ways, beliefs, living, etc .. the same as I’m genuinely interested to learn/understand someone’s fascination about something I don’t have the same views on.

Have you told them outright how you feel? Have you discussed it with your dh? The crux here for me would be how your dh feels, understands, supports and works through with you. The Sil/Bil is a secondary issue imo.

So you’ve cut contact with SIL due to what her husband said? That’s a bit harsh.

for me it depends on what he said or asked. I don’t see that as being hurtful or racist, more interested in how you ended up living where you are.

I mean, he sounds pig-ignorant and mannerless, but that remark alone doesn’t sound ‘racially-charged’. I used to get that kind of thing fairly frequently as a white Irish person living in England (and yes, the type of person who said it tended to be unaware of Irish prosperity, and regarded Ireland as a backward producer of feckless navvies…)

Don't then just ignore it if she calls

I’m not sure what exactly you mean by ‘mean, racially charged things’?

Me too .. and Im afraid to say or ask anything in case it comes across as offensive, I just genuinely am interested.

It depends on what they said. I love to know about other people cultures

Just cut them out.