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Original poster

To challenge a person's parenting at the park

157 replies

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 16/05/2024 08:07

Sorry for the long post, don't want to drip feed.

TLDR is that I confronted a man for not supervising his young toddler at the work and my husband thinks I should have minded my own business.

Last week I was at the park with my kids. While there I noticed a small child, maybe around 2 or a little younger, completely unsupervised. I saw him close to the edge of play equipment high up several times, and assisted him down/warned him to be careful. This happened several times. Some of the drops were pretty significant. He also requested my help to climb up ladders etc. I felt a little uncomfortable as I was obviously a complete stranger to this child but I did so.

I was able to follow him around a bit as I was a little worried. My kids and their cousin are 7, 7 and 4 so I felt ok to let them run around while I followed this child with my 9 mth old in a pushchair. It just seemed unsafe to leave him.

For context, the park has a very dense play structure and you can't see through it to the other side very easily. There are also three areas designated by recommended age. This child was in the 'big kid's' area. There is only one entrance/exit to the park so I sometimes feel comfortable sitting there with my baby as I know I will see my boys if they try to leave the park. But definitely not when they were small toddlers. A large part of the big kid's area is not visible from the entrance.

Anyway, I eventually figured out this boy had an older sister (maybe 5). I saw her bang her head and be comforted by another family. Again, no parent in sight. Then I started to get really concerned.

After about 20 minutes of this I was ready to leave but I felt it was unsafe to leave this boy unattended. I asked the boy where his parents were, but he was too young to understand what I was asking. So I started looking around for someone who was the guardian of this child.

I went to the entrance of the park and saw a man sitting on his phone watching some kind of sporting event on his phone (I could hear it). He was completely engrossed. He was the only adult there not obviously supervising a child. As I debated whether to approach him, the little boy ran full speed out of the park and headed towards the car park, right past the man. I waited for him to jump up, but he didn't for a few seconds so I thought, oh he must not be the dad, I should go and make sure the boy doesn't leave the park.

At that moment the man got up slowly, stretched and casually hops over the bench. He slowly makes his way over to the toddler.

I decided to say something. I said 'excuse me, your little boy was playing in the big kid's area and nearly fell several times. You should really watch him more closely'.

He looked sheepish and gestures to his son, 'This one?'

I quickly gathered my kids and left, shaking a bit as I don't like confrontation. As I did this I noticed him following behind his child very closely.

My husband thinks I may have overstepped.

OP posts:
SwordToFlamethrower · 16/05/2024 14:31

You did the right thing

jannier · 16/05/2024 14:30

I think I might have stood with the child shouting out who's with this child? Rather than helped him up more stuff...then said I've been watching him for 20 mins I had to catch him from that as he fell he then.....etc.
Effectively what your husband is saying is potentially stand aside and let a child get seriously hurt it has nothing to do with you..I couldn't do that

shepherdsangeldelight · 16/05/2024 14:21

I think the man should have been supervising more closely.

But it also sounds like OP (and others?) were encouraging the child to go up ladders etc that he couldn't manage by himself. Without knowing the park it's hard to say, but perhaps he wouldn't have been able to access the more dangerous parts without the "help" of adults?

coxesorangepippin · 16/05/2024 14:19

Bloody feckless parents

You did the right thing

RoseUnder · 16/05/2024 14:14

Well done OP.

Anyone who just stands by and watches a toddler run across a busy carpark or fall from high up on a playground is partly culpable. We all have a basic human duty to stop harm - especially to children - if we are able to.

But the absolutely rubbish, selfish, lazy, uncaring 'dad' is to blame. What a waste of space. Hope he took your gentle words to heart and does better next time.

Katemax82 · 16/05/2024 12:37

Maybe he wasn't his father, but an uncaring stepdad or uncle even

wellington77 · 16/05/2024 11:57

If you had minded your own business the child could have got seriously hurt. So actually well done you for stepping in

Goldenbear · 16/05/2024 11:41

You did the right thing my friend’s child was on a children’s ward where a poor little boy had lots of fractures from a climbing frame fall, the nurse said that playground equipment injuries were one of the most frequent reasons for children being admitted at that hospital.

Leah5678 · 16/05/2024 11:35

If the child fell and banged their head he could of died. Watching his phone the whole time. Wow. I'm starting to understand what people mean when they say the occasional time a father does some parenting hes treated like father of the year but the mother is expected to do everything

Dibbydoos · 16/05/2024 11:03

Bad things happen when good people do nothing is true, so well done @HuckleberryBlackcurrant

The guy couldn't give a fiddle could he? What an AH.

crumbpet · 16/05/2024 08:58

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 16/05/2024 08:27

@crumbpet

I probably should have looked for a parent sooner. I kept waiting for someone to appear and then I was dealing with my baby and trying to prevent my 4 yo from taking off his shoes at the same time haha. Also the little boy kept running off and I was just kinda following him at a little distance. It's a pretty good sized park and I didn't want to lose track of him so I was waiting until he came around to the entrance where other adults were. Park was pretty empty so no adults in the area we were in initially.

Yeah in don't think you have to over analyse your response here. You acted appropriately but you do need to protect your self from should an accident happen with someone else's child. You're not a trained play supervisor so if you're seen to encourage them to use the big kid equipment then that's the only "overstepping" you've done but it's really not THAT big a deal

ChaosAndCrumbs · 16/05/2024 08:33

Definitely agree with PP. It needed pointing out. You did it politely and then left, he can think it over in his own time and it sounds like he realised he should have been watching once you spoke to him.

Original poster
HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 16/05/2024 08:33

@Yozzer87

Yea, I think that's where I overstepped.

OP posts:
Original poster
HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 16/05/2024 08:32

@Didimum

A lot of parents do it at this park because of the way the entrance is set up. There are benches and people relax there as it's the only way for kids to leave. So I've seen this scenario before but never with such a young child.

OP posts:
Yozzer87 · 16/05/2024 08:32

You did the right thing in finding his parent and saying what you did. But in future don't get involved in playing with other kids at the park. It's It's not appropriate.

Emotionalsupporthamster · 16/05/2024 08:30

The child wasn’t safe, you were absolutely right to point that out.

Original poster
HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 16/05/2024 08:29

@HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear

Yes I think you are right. I shouldn't have helped him up the ladder because that encouraged him to keep going up into the big kid's section. Idk what I was thinking.

OP posts:
Original poster
HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 16/05/2024 08:27

@crumbpet

I probably should have looked for a parent sooner. I kept waiting for someone to appear and then I was dealing with my baby and trying to prevent my 4 yo from taking off his shoes at the same time haha. Also the little boy kept running off and I was just kinda following him at a little distance. It's a pretty good sized park and I didn't want to lose track of him so I was waiting until he came around to the entrance where other adults were. Park was pretty empty so no adults in the area we were in initially.

OP posts:
HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 16/05/2024 08:27

Right to confront the man politely.

Wrong to help a child up ladders - I specifically don't help mine up things, since if they can't get up, they won't be able to get down either!

Hopefully the man will have learned his lesson!

Didimum · 16/05/2024 08:27

I started reading this perhaps thinking you’d turn out to be a busybody, but absolutely not. That poor little boy. I wouldn’t even leave my two six year olds with that ignored in a park.

Original poster
HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 16/05/2024 08:25

@ladykale

I think the reason I was doubting myself was at that point he was with his child so I was thinking maybe I just leave it

OP posts:
crumbpet · 16/05/2024 08:25

I decided to say something. I said 'excuse me, your little boy was playing in the big kid's area and nearly fell several times. You should really watch him more closely'. I think that's fine you haven't had a right go at him and you've clearly made him think. I don't get your husbands issue. Personally I would have tried to find the parent at the stage the kid kept asking me for help.

Thepeopleversuswork · 16/05/2024 08:21

You absolutely did the right thing.

ladykale · 16/05/2024 08:21

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 16/05/2024 08:07

Sorry for the long post, don't want to drip feed.

TLDR is that I confronted a man for not supervising his young toddler at the work and my husband thinks I should have minded my own business.

Last week I was at the park with my kids. While there I noticed a small child, maybe around 2 or a little younger, completely unsupervised. I saw him close to the edge of play equipment high up several times, and assisted him down/warned him to be careful. This happened several times. Some of the drops were pretty significant. He also requested my help to climb up ladders etc. I felt a little uncomfortable as I was obviously a complete stranger to this child but I did so.

I was able to follow him around a bit as I was a little worried. My kids and their cousin are 7, 7 and 4 so I felt ok to let them run around while I followed this child with my 9 mth old in a pushchair. It just seemed unsafe to leave him.

For context, the park has a very dense play structure and you can't see through it to the other side very easily. There are also three areas designated by recommended age. This child was in the 'big kid's' area. There is only one entrance/exit to the park so I sometimes feel comfortable sitting there with my baby as I know I will see my boys if they try to leave the park. But definitely not when they were small toddlers. A large part of the big kid's area is not visible from the entrance.

Anyway, I eventually figured out this boy had an older sister (maybe 5). I saw her bang her head and be comforted by another family. Again, no parent in sight. Then I started to get really concerned.

After about 20 minutes of this I was ready to leave but I felt it was unsafe to leave this boy unattended. I asked the boy where his parents were, but he was too young to understand what I was asking. So I started looking around for someone who was the guardian of this child.

I went to the entrance of the park and saw a man sitting on his phone watching some kind of sporting event on his phone (I could hear it). He was completely engrossed. He was the only adult there not obviously supervising a child. As I debated whether to approach him, the little boy ran full speed out of the park and headed towards the car park, right past the man. I waited for him to jump up, but he didn't for a few seconds so I thought, oh he must not be the dad, I should go and make sure the boy doesn't leave the park.

At that moment the man got up slowly, stretched and casually hops over the bench. He slowly makes his way over to the toddler.

I decided to say something. I said 'excuse me, your little boy was playing in the big kid's area and nearly fell several times. You should really watch him more closely'.

He looked sheepish and gestures to his son, 'This one?'

I quickly gathered my kids and left, shaking a bit as I don't like confrontation. As I did this I noticed him following behind his child very closely.

My husband thinks I may have overstepped.

Of course you did the right thing.

Frustrates me how much in British culture people are expected to turn a blind eye even when kids are in danger!

Original poster
HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 16/05/2024 08:20

@TeenDivided

You're probably right, he had started following me around by that point and was playing with my kids but yea, I shouldn't have encouraged him I suppose.

OP posts: