Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To challenge a person's parenting at the park

157 replies

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 16/05/2024 08:07

Sorry for the long post, don't want to drip feed.

TLDR is that I confronted a man for not supervising his young toddler at the work and my husband thinks I should have minded my own business.

Last week I was at the park with my kids. While there I noticed a small child, maybe around 2 or a little younger, completely unsupervised. I saw him close to the edge of play equipment high up several times, and assisted him down/warned him to be careful. This happened several times. Some of the drops were pretty significant. He also requested my help to climb up ladders etc. I felt a little uncomfortable as I was obviously a complete stranger to this child but I did so.

I was able to follow him around a bit as I was a little worried. My kids and their cousin are 7, 7 and 4 so I felt ok to let them run around while I followed this child with my 9 mth old in a pushchair. It just seemed unsafe to leave him.

For context, the park has a very dense play structure and you can't see through it to the other side very easily. There are also three areas designated by recommended age. This child was in the 'big kid's' area. There is only one entrance/exit to the park so I sometimes feel comfortable sitting there with my baby as I know I will see my boys if they try to leave the park. But definitely not when they were small toddlers. A large part of the big kid's area is not visible from the entrance.

Anyway, I eventually figured out this boy had an older sister (maybe 5). I saw her bang her head and be comforted by another family. Again, no parent in sight. Then I started to get really concerned.

After about 20 minutes of this I was ready to leave but I felt it was unsafe to leave this boy unattended. I asked the boy where his parents were, but he was too young to understand what I was asking. So I started looking around for someone who was the guardian of this child.

I went to the entrance of the park and saw a man sitting on his phone watching some kind of sporting event on his phone (I could hear it). He was completely engrossed. He was the only adult there not obviously supervising a child. As I debated whether to approach him, the little boy ran full speed out of the park and headed towards the car park, right past the man. I waited for him to jump up, but he didn't for a few seconds so I thought, oh he must not be the dad, I should go and make sure the boy doesn't leave the park.

At that moment the man got up slowly, stretched and casually hops over the bench. He slowly makes his way over to the toddler.

I decided to say something. I said 'excuse me, your little boy was playing in the big kid's area and nearly fell several times. You should really watch him more closely'.

He looked sheepish and gestures to his son, 'This one?'

I quickly gathered my kids and left, shaking a bit as I don't like confrontation. As I did this I noticed him following behind his child very closely.

My husband thinks I may have overstepped.

OP posts:
Mnk711 · 20/05/2024 10:47

You absolutely did the right thing. Hopefully that dad will think twice next time!

ScreamingBeans · 20/05/2024 10:42

MorningSunshineSparkles · 20/05/2024 08:16

It’s like they say, stick your nose where it doesn’t belong and risk being bitten. I’d have kept out of it, not your business and not your job to go about reprimanding people that don’t parent the same as you.

He wasn't parenting differently though, was he. He was endangering his child by ignoring him. That's a form of parenting that isn't just a difference in emphasis or priority, it's neglect and it's everyone's business.

Sahj123 · 20/05/2024 10:39

You did NOT overstep!!! Are you joking!? I’d have lost my sh!t with that sperm donor…
Who the F leaves A BABY unsupervised in a park? In a big kids park no less… what if he had fallen? What if he broke his neck? What if he was paralysed? What if he picked up rubbish and tried to eat it? Or choked? Or 2 older kids led him away like in the case with Jamie Bulger!?

British culture is to just look away, even if a child is in danger, but it is that EXACT attitude that led to little Jamie being tortured to death. How many people thought it looked suspicious but DID NOTHING? How many witnesses were there that just assumed he was their baby brother so left him crying with them?

NO. British culture is sh!t. It’s frighteningly Sh!t actually and it’s only since being married to a Canadian that I’ve even noticed, as he happily challenges and calls out bad behaviour without any fear at all! He even jokes ‘how did you guys conquer half the world when you’re all so passive aggressive and sheepish!’ Lol

You absolutely did the right thing xx

StopStartStop · 20/05/2024 10:28

OP, you didn't overstep. It's neglect and very risky.

caringcarer · 20/05/2024 10:06

You are nicer than me because I'd have told him he was endangering his child by not being with them and his child could have been hit by a swing or fallen off play equipment and he needs to be close by watching him.

Nanny0gg · 20/05/2024 10:05

MorningSunshineSparkles · 20/05/2024 08:16

It’s like they say, stick your nose where it doesn’t belong and risk being bitten. I’d have kept out of it, not your business and not your job to go about reprimanding people that don’t parent the same as you.

He wasn't parenting AT ALL!

I couldn't live with myself if I saw a child on their own and then something I could have prevented happened to them - even though that would have been down to the parent

tattygrl · 20/05/2024 09:52

I think you did the right thing. It really does take a village to raise and mind children, and when a child is in a public place I personally believe it's the responsibility (to varying degrees) of every adult to step in if they see a child at risk. There obviously can be a fine line between this and busy-bodying, and I think some degree of freedom and positive risk taking is great with children and their play, but that's very different to a tiny toddler being completely unsupervised.

Okaaaay · 20/05/2024 09:34

Absolutely the right thing - I still keep eyes on my 4 year old in an open park, never mind a 2 year old where you can’t see them. I would probably have said a bit more than you did tbh!

SeriaMau · 20/05/2024 09:33

You could have saved a child’s life. Not sure there is much more I can say, other than thank you.

PinTibble · 20/05/2024 09:31

@HuckleberryBlackcurrant

I’ve seen similar situations in parks, and my instinct would have been to do the same as you.

However, I bet that child (if they don’t have an awful accident) will actually learn to become very physically able and have no
fear in taking risks.

T1Dmama · 20/05/2024 09:22

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 16/05/2024 08:17

Sorry, it's meant to say at the park not at the work.

My husband thinks I should have minded my own business and I was also worried about getting in trouble following around/touching a stranger's child.

Do you know how many people saw Jamie bulger being walked away by his two killers?…. LOTS! lots of people have come forward and said they thought it was suspicious but didn’t want to get involved. Thought they should mind their own business.
personally I think saying something was the right thing to do… you’d feel much worse if you’d ignored him and he’d fallen and broken his back!

Poettree · 20/05/2024 09:13

Definitely the right thing to do. Kids that age need to be shadowed at the playground or they can really injure themselves. The dad needs to step up and put down his phone.

Manthide · 20/05/2024 09:10

JMSA · 20/05/2024 08:06

I think I'd have phoned the police when I didn't see any sign of a parent.
He needs a kick up the arse before something goes seriously wrong.
He deliberately placed himself away from the play park so that he wouldn't be needed, and so that he wouldn't be interrupted on his phone.
His children deserve better.
Anyway, OP, you sound like a very kind person and were totally RIGHT to say something.

He probably expected the 5 year old sister to look after the 2 year old! I'm so glad my dc are too old for parks as a lot of parents think it's a good place to socialise with other parents and ignore their dc.

ThinWomansBrain · 20/05/2024 09:00

Other than not assisting a small unattended child climb a slide for older children, I don't see the problem.
You felt the parent should have been supervising more closely and told him, he wasn't rude or aggressive, appears to have taken your comments on board.
Hopefully going forward he will pay more attention to his child & focus less on his phone.

Bordesleyhills · 20/05/2024 08:57

MorningSunshineSparkles · 20/05/2024 08:16

It’s like they say, stick your nose where it doesn’t belong and risk being bitten. I’d have kept out of it, not your business and not your job to go about reprimanding people that don’t parent the same as you.

Which is great till something dreadful happens then it’s could, would , should if someone had stepped in then we might not have had some of the dreadful cases we have had. Unsupervised children are a massive risk.I'm not a helicopter parent at all I agree we parent differently but basic safety if you haven’t got that what have you got?

awaynboilyurheid · 20/05/2024 08:52

Well done! Sounds like you spoke to the Dad politely and handled it well, I’d have been a lot more confrontational but I don’t mind it when it comes to children. I’ve spoken out couple of times and I don’t regret any one of them.

Bordesleyhills · 20/05/2024 08:52

Honestly it takes seconds for an accident or someone to take a child- well done

JumalanTerve · 20/05/2024 08:49

Within the borders of the playground it would take a hell of a lot for me to get involved - so I wouldn't have intervened with a child on play equipment like you did OP, for example. But anything related to running to the road is completely different and you totally did the right thing there - the man needed a serious telling off

LLMn · 20/05/2024 08:35

God bless you! If there were more people like you, this country would have been a better place.

QueenCarrot · 20/05/2024 08:26

Your husband is being unreasonable. If he saw a small child about to run into the road would he just ‘mind his own business’?

Wolfpa · 20/05/2024 08:24

So you don’t like correcting a child but you will correct a parent?

you encouraged that child to play with you from the sounds of it on equipment that was too advanced.

the dad should have been playing closer attention but you helped in creating the situation.

TheThreeCheesesOfTheApocalypse44 · 20/05/2024 08:21

You were a lot more polite than I was last week when there was a baby of around 18 months toddling around London Euston Station.......3 adults having a good chat and nobody watching him. They didn't have a bloody clue where he was as they had their backs to him.

In your situation I'd have phoned the police stating there was an unsupervised child with no parent in sight........the shock of that happening may have given the kid a chance of surviving until adulthood.

MorningSunshineSparkles · 20/05/2024 08:16

It’s like they say, stick your nose where it doesn’t belong and risk being bitten. I’d have kept out of it, not your business and not your job to go about reprimanding people that don’t parent the same as you.

Nextdoor55 · 20/05/2024 08:10

Yes you did the right thing & parent needs reporting

JMSA · 20/05/2024 08:06

I think I'd have phoned the police when I didn't see any sign of a parent.
He needs a kick up the arse before something goes seriously wrong.
He deliberately placed himself away from the play park so that he wouldn't be needed, and so that he wouldn't be interrupted on his phone.
His children deserve better.
Anyway, OP, you sound like a very kind person and were totally RIGHT to say something.