To challenge a person's parenting at the park

Of course you did not overstep. Some people just don't know how to supervise kids.

I'm a big fan of risk play and have a child who's always been very good with her motor skills. There's been times when it's really irked me when people interfere for no reason.

For example, when my dd was about 15 months old she was in a toddler's part of a soft play and climbed one of those little tykes slides that's literally about a foot off the ground. I was a couple of metres away from her but could honestly see everything she was doing. A panicky parent came came over to me all panicking saying 'is that your baby? Do you know she's at the top of that slide?!' I reply 'the slide that isn't even as tall as she is, yes I do' she gave me a really judgy look and walked off. Ridiculous IMO. She was never in any danger she was being given the freedom and confidence to explore without me.

My dd is now 6 and I'm the mum who lets her climb trees and jungle gyms with minimal interference whilst other parents are fainting at the thought. Am I lazy? Absolutely not. Am I worried when I leave her to it? Of course I am! I'm getting palpitations sometimes! But I also know that she's going to struggle to develop any self-confidence or sense of self if I'm always hovering over her so I do what I think is best for her development.

As pp have said I'd never help a child up equipment. This defeats the object of independent risk taking and could put them in more danger. However, it does sound like dad was a bit disengaged so I think you were right to challenge that. It's always difficult to know when to intervene but I think if you really feel that a child is being inadequately supervised you have to challenge that. Just be aware that differenr parents will have different ideas around risk taking though

I think you did the right thing.

I remember being at the park with my twins. Obviously it's bloody hard helping two at the same time. Some woman watched my child fall - could easily have stopped her as she was right by her. Blood everywhere. I was bloody angry and said christ could you not just have caught her, and she replied, I'm not being done for child abuse, I'm not touching someone else's child.

It meant my two rarely went to the park with just me at a certain age. They had to wait til dad was home at the weekends.

Whatever happened to the village? Helping each other?

This Dad was being a shit parent and needed calling out on it.

You did the right thing OP. It is all very well for a few posters to say that you shouldn't get involved - but when this happens it can be impossible to ignore if a child is directly at risk due to lack of parental supervision.

I still remember the time I was on holiday in Greece several years ago...one set of fellow guests were a couple with a very small child. These parents spent their time sunbathing/dozing and drinking cocktails by the pool and ignoring their child, who was left to his own devices...clambering in the pool (risking drowning) and wandering off. Once we returned from a day out & the first thing we saw was the child on his own in front of the hotel, next to the main road, no parents in sight.

We felt we had no choice but to keep an eye on the child as he wasn't safe. So I spent a lot of my holiday as an unpaid childminder (despite no DC of my own at that time) due to useless neglectful parents. But I was a lot younger then & unassertive, felt unable to confront the parents or complain to staff which I obviously should have done.

the little boy ran full speed out of the park and headed towards the car park, right past the man. I waited for him to jump up, but he didn't for a few seconds so I thought, oh he must not be the dad, I should go and make sure the boy doesn't leave the park.
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At that moment the man got up slowly, stretched and casually hops over the bench. He slowly makes his way over to the toddler.
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I decided to say something. I said 'excuse me, your little boy was playing in the big kid's area and nearly fell several times. You should really watch him more closely'.
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He looked sheepish and gestures to his son, 'This one?'
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I quickly gathered my kids and left, shaking a bit as I don't like confrontation. As I did this I noticed him following behind his child very closely.

I’d be wondering if he was the dad tbh

I don't think it's just down to age. DS was competent with play equipment very young and it was annoying to have other parents telling him not to climb things when I was watching and knew he was fine.

Obviously different to this scenario, I just mean the idea that a two year old shouldn't be playing on certain equipment or needs a parent a metre away in case they randomly dive off.

If DS wanted to go down a fireman's pole he would stand at the top and look for me and I would see him and come over to help him, he wasn't going to jump off.

I will look out for other people's kids but look at ability not age as to whether I need to look for a parent as they are all so different.

I would have done the same but probably not been as polite about it

You did the right thing OP.

Im just wondering about the sister after he followed the little guy out of the park … he was basically leaving her there. Honestly think phones should be banned in playgrounds. The London nannies used to sit on their at certain parks.

He could have been snatched, your a perfect stranger and he latched onto you. You absolutely did the right thing.
I was almost neurotic when mine were small, if they left my eye line I was panic stricken, and that was when they were 4 and 5, younger than that I didn't leave their side.

We should all be looking out for neglected children. It’s all they have sometimes. Poor little thing.

There is a balance- kids need to take risks without a parent always hovering but from what you’ve said I’d have been concerned as well and the dad sounds like he was being negligent by letting the toddler on something well beyond his capabilities. My youngest was fearless with zero sense of danger at that age and she would have needed to have been within an arms reach as she often made a beeline for high things to follow her older sister.

Absolutely agree you did the right thing. Jesus I’m still nervous turning my back for one second when my (in 2 weeks) 4 year old is at the park!

I hope that was just a one off from the dad and I hope what you said made him think - he didn’t argue with you or get defensive (which I think is what we fear when we call someone out) so hopefully he knows what he did was wrong and won’t do it again!

You shouldn't have touched the kid, you should have looked for the parent right away.

Yes of course it’s fine if it’s a kid in your care @Lifeomars What is not fine is helping this unknown toddler who you don’t know, up the ladder. The OP had no duty of care so what if she then got called away by her own kid getting hurt, and the toddler was stuck/fell.

fine to help your own kids up and down but you shouldn’t be getting involved to this extent with strangers’ children. Find their parent sooner if you’re worried about them.

Yeah you did the right thing calling him out and did so very politely in my opinion! I have a 2 (almost 3) year old and would never leave him on a climbing frame, even a small one. I never sit where I can’t see my kids even the 6 year old. You see a lot of parents like this sadly.

I do agree that you shouldn’t have got involved by helping the child, as it’s down to the parent, if the kid falls that’s on them. You should have either tried to find them earlier and got them to watch their kid or ignored it.

I had similar at the beach last year this little girl was about my kids age, the sea was quite choppy and she was getting scared went bit far out she screamed help so I helped her back to the shore. Her dad came running said thanks etc but I thought what If I hadn't been there. I don't blame you for saying something a toddler shouldnt be unsupervised in a park. I see lots of parents on their phones when out 🙄

How else are they going to learn and gain confidence if they are not helped up and down a ladder.? I did this when mine was young and have done it recently when taking a friend's little one to the park. This applies to all park play equipment, at first you help them on and off, then as time passes and they grow and change they are able to do it by themselves.

You did the right thing and it was fortunate for that little boy that you were there to look out for him and possibly prevent him from having an accident. You were polite and concise when you rightly spoke to the parent.

You did what I would have done. I have 3 DCs and when they were younger I couldn’t spread myself thin enough to help all 3, other parents at our local park are great with this and I will happily help with young children, but if I saw a parent being lazy and a young child not supervised I’d say something. I would be careful though about how I’d say it depending on the type of person I’m talking to.

The main park we use goes from 40mph to 20 mph right outside the park, lots of fast cars go past, it would be so easy for a small child to run across that road. I think it’s completely irresponsible to say not my child not my problem if you see a young child unattended.

your comment obviously shamed into looking after his child, so well done.

OP, I think you did the right thing.

I'm haunted by something that happened decades ago when I was an 18 year-old university student.

I was waiting for a bus on a busy city road. There was a greengrocers behind the stop, and some tomatoes had rolled down the pavement and were embedded in a huge dog poo (it was the 198os, when it wasn't so common for it to be picked up). I little girl - no more than 2 and a half (I wasn't much good at estimating ages in those days) wandered over to pick the tomatoes up and eat them. I was horrified and looked round for her parents. They were very young -probably my age - and engrossed in each other, totally ignoring the child, who was also dangerously close to the very busy road. I spoke to the child and said 'Oh, don't have those -they're dirty!' but she ran off to the parents, who continued to ignore her.

The bus came and I got on, but I was so upset by the thought of this child's home life, if her parents could neglect her to that extent. I was a pathetically naive 18 year old and wouldn't have known who to contact (and what good would that have done? I had no idea where this family lived).

I think of this child frequently and hope her life was OK.

You didn't overstepped, at all. You did the right thing, of course. There are so many negligent parents out there... it's heartbreaking 😔
Another thing: by accompanying this child, with empathy, you may have showed him a glimmer of how things should be for him (a lovely and protective adult presence by him). That is huge for someone who doesn't have that kind of presence in their life: it may seem insignificant to you but, believe me, you have left a really good mark in that little boy's life. Thank you 💐

You did the right thing watching out for this toddlers safety and it's disgusting dad wasn't given they need close supervision at that age and couldn't even clearly see to watch from a distance proved by how distracted they were they didn't even notice their child leave and run into carpark. I do wonder if he had noticed you earlier and was reassured someone else would keep an eye out for him so he could be lazy & watch sport. You politely highlighted he was a twat and he's lucky as I'm sure if the kid had ended up in hospital there would be some questions from authorities.

I can imagine a male may feel concerned about being labelled as a perv by interacting with a strangers child so be more inclined to mind their own business.

We need lots more people like you. You should be proud of yourself.

'excuse me, your little boy was playing in the big kid's area and nearly fell several times. You should really watch him more closely'.

Wow - you really tore him off a strip 😂! That really isn't "challenging a person's parenting" OP, it is gently (and correctly) telling a man that he is a twat.

As is your husband, and the reason that 30 years after Jamie Bulger, people generally STILL have no balls to call people out because they risk getting shouting at, so would prefer to tut/raise their eyes/ walk away than say something.

You did the right thing, don’t overthink it.