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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask why announce you've NC'd for a post...

39 replies

VestibuleVirgin · 16/05/2024 06:06

With apologies, I may have asked this, but meno-pause memory...
Read several posts who have said they were NCing because they've posted before. Why? It's an anonymous forum. I have no idea who 'littletabacbar' is, nor 'iworkdownthedocksguttingfish', so why change user name for certain posts?
Is it because you've been a 'nice' person but suddenly want to post something nasty? Or vice-versa?
Or because you've decided to contradict yourself?
I am confused (more and more these days apparently!)
Thanks

OP posts:
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DappledThings · 16/05/2024 20:38

Riverlee · 16/05/2024 19:57

So why announce it? That’s the bit I’m confused about. Why don’t you just post your question.

I literally answered that in the post you've quoted. If people NC and don't announce it then someone will inevitably jump on them and accuse them of being brand new and therefore probably a troll. So people announce they've NCd to try to head off those comments from derailing their thread.

tornmum101 · 16/05/2024 20:15

I have never announced I've name changed but I don't use this name anymore as I was honest using it that I was in a same sex marriage (my post was not about that though) and every reply was to do with my sexuality.

Now when I post under a different name I say DH, which is extremely depressing in 2024 but it seems Mumsnet isn't the place to be gay.

MargaretThursday · 16/05/2024 20:07

The main reason for me name changing is because I'm saying something that would be directly outable. So saying my daughter is on BBC this evening sort of thing.

My next reason is for something that for various reasons I want plausible deniability if someone did think it was me.
Because I'm reckoning that if someone knew me and read all my posts together, they'd probably be pretty certain. You know, ages of children, comments on a local school, knowledge of certain things, a hobby etc. If someone wanted to do that then, fine, let them waste their time, but it would be hard to deny it, and even if I did, the details would be close enough for them to disbelieve me. I don't normally post anything that would be difficult in RL if people did link it to me.

Just occasionally I have posted something about a situation I am at that time currently going through, or one of my dc was going through. I want advice without risking a "you posted it online" from others. If they only have that post, then they would find it difficult to prove it's me because it wouldn't be certain.

I have twice spotted someone in RL and both times it has been because they have put an identical post on FB. One time was a friend with a lost toy, the other was slightly more awkward-a friend answered a question on FB from one of their friends. It happened to be something I knew a bit about, and I nearly responded, then decided not to. They then put the identical post on MN.
On that occasion I name changed and answered both the FB and MN post with the identical reply. My thought was it hinted to them that they could be outed by it without making it obvious.

Riverlee · 16/05/2024 19:57

DappledThings · 16/05/2024 19:15

Yes, that's the point. People NC so older posts can't be connected and anmouce they have done so so they aren't accused of being a brand new poster and therefore probably a troll.

So why announce it? That’s the bit I’m confused about. Why don’t you just post your question.

Butchyrestingface · 16/05/2024 19:46

Mumtobabyhavoc · 16/05/2024 08:54

But what are the chances that someone who knows you irl will see your post and figure out it's you?
I tend to agree that nc-ing is more about being a certain persona under one name and an alter ego under another.
The only things I am sus about are the posts asking random q's which seem like looking for material for a journalist and the "what did you eat today" is almost exclusively competitive under eating.
The posts I secretly enjoy, however, are the "does this look infected?" Etc posts with "sensitive" images. 😱🤣 I'd likely nc for that, I guess, if I felt like I needed an internet poll about a boil on my arse. 😆😆😆

I recognise a couple of people on this site, in spite of the constant name changing in one case. And it's quite possible they recognise me.

I won't say anything if they don't. Easter Grin

DappledThings · 16/05/2024 19:15

Riverlee · 16/05/2024 18:37

But surely if you’ve name changed, you’re effectively a new person, so people won’t be able to join up the dots.

Yes, that's the point. People NC so older posts can't be connected and anmouce they have done so so they aren't accused of being a brand new poster and therefore probably a troll.

VestibuleVirgin · 16/05/2024 18:45

OnehundredStars · 16/05/2024 07:29

I didn’t NC recently and I changed a few details (of a death that had happened and the family details)
I got reported and some not nice posters looked at previous threads and said a few things

mumsnet not nice anymore most of the time (look at the Lorrraine Thread this morning)

Yes, sadly I thought this post was disgusting and reported it. MNHQ. Apparently it was deemed ok, but because I suggested it was bitchy, my post was deleted for being personal!
Perhaps I should NC!

OP posts:
Riverlee · 16/05/2024 18:37

But surely if you’ve name changed, you’re effectively a new person, so people won’t be able to join up the dots.

pizzaHeart · 16/05/2024 11:43

SapphireOpal · 16/05/2024 06:20

Because if you put one post about being a nurse

One post about living in Norwich

One post about what to wear on your 40th birthday (that also happens to mention you're 5 foot 10 and a redhead, size 16)

Then it becomes really easy to work out who you might be.

If you then want to post about how your sister has really pissed you off, your sex life or how you've got chronic diarrhoea you might not want that linked to all your identifiable info.

This^

Mostlycarbon · 16/05/2024 11:41

I'm fairly open about my life and circumstances on here, so every so often I switch user names because I think if you added up all the things I've shared about myself it could be outing (job, husband's nationality, age of children, city where we live etc). Whereas if each of these are shared by different user names it's not going to be obvious who I am.

Westfacing · 16/05/2024 11:05

PoppingTomorrow · 16/05/2024 07:29

That's exactly why they've name-changed! So those identifying details can't be linked with questions about medical issues, sex life, annoying friend, MIL issues, etc.

No but someone who has been written about, say a Bridezilla, could see that her maid of honour has said some terrible things about her!

Some of the threads mention the resort of the destination wedding, the colour of bridesmaid dresses, ages of children, occupations, etc. So even if an OP has name-changed it might be obvious to the bride who has written about her on MN.

But then many of the very detailed threads with wild scenarios are probably made-up.

Bobskeleton · 16/05/2024 09:11

This is one of my MN pet peeves

If you want to name change for whatever reason, fine no biggie. But why do you have to tell us you have name changed 🤷🏼‍♀️

Mumtobabyhavoc · 16/05/2024 09:07

crumbpet · 16/05/2024 09:01

Higher than you think. If you're a mum and talking to mum friends and then suddenly start talking about some random thing that you've posted on mumsnet in aibu then there's got to be a good chance they'll see it

If you're posting here wouldn't it be more likely that you aren't chatting to others about it?
I'm thinking about the "My fiancé bought an sti kit" type of thread. But, I take your point.

crumbpet · 16/05/2024 09:01

Mumtobabyhavoc · 16/05/2024 08:54

But what are the chances that someone who knows you irl will see your post and figure out it's you?
I tend to agree that nc-ing is more about being a certain persona under one name and an alter ego under another.
The only things I am sus about are the posts asking random q's which seem like looking for material for a journalist and the "what did you eat today" is almost exclusively competitive under eating.
The posts I secretly enjoy, however, are the "does this look infected?" Etc posts with "sensitive" images. 😱🤣 I'd likely nc for that, I guess, if I felt like I needed an internet poll about a boil on my arse. 😆😆😆

Higher than you think. If you're a mum and talking to mum friends and then suddenly start talking about some random thing that you've posted on mumsnet in aibu then there's got to be a good chance they'll see it

Mumtobabyhavoc · 16/05/2024 08:54

But what are the chances that someone who knows you irl will see your post and figure out it's you?
I tend to agree that nc-ing is more about being a certain persona under one name and an alter ego under another.
The only things I am sus about are the posts asking random q's which seem like looking for material for a journalist and the "what did you eat today" is almost exclusively competitive under eating.
The posts I secretly enjoy, however, are the "does this look infected?" Etc posts with "sensitive" images. 😱🤣 I'd likely nc for that, I guess, if I felt like I needed an internet poll about a boil on my arse. 😆😆😆

magicalglobe · 16/05/2024 08:11

NC ! lol

I've been outed in the past. Someone who knew me made a passing comment to me about something v similar to what I had posted. It was way too much of a coincidence. Whereas they never said 'I've read on MN that ..' (referring to my post), it was so obvious from what they said to me. In a way, they ruined it for themselves as they caused me to change my username multiple times now, so posts cannot be linked together. I will now also change some of the post detail eg instead of DD I put DC/DS, often refer to DH as a partner to imply we are not married. This will be my only post under this username.

pastaisgod · 16/05/2024 08:07

As pp have explained, people NC to protect anonymity. I do it a few times per week, must have had thousands of usernames.
They announce it so people don't assume they are brand new posters as they'll have no posting history under a new name.

Butchyrestingface · 16/05/2024 08:06

Well, to answer your actual thread title - it's to try and prevent other posters from saying, "Welcome to MN, OP. Interesting first post", etc.

PP have answered the other questions.

GreyCarpet · 16/05/2024 08:04

People nc because they often change small details to retain anonymity. If someone advance searches, they can derail a thread by pointing put inconsistencies and try to present the OP as an 'unreliable witness' and best and a liar/troll at worst.

Because people can advance search and piece together who someone is if they know them irl. Of course you're not going to know who a stranger is, but they might not be a stranger to everyone who is also on here.

And they announce it because, if they've nc due to a sensitive issue, there is always someone who will post "interesting first post, op" to try and derail the thread/cast doubt about their integrity.

Most people post on here as a bit of light relief from daily life, and don't really think too much about whether the poster is genuine but, for some, MN is a replacement for a real life (for all sorts of reasons) and they become quite heavily invested in outing trolls.

I don't know how genuine it was, but, in the past, peope have talked about keeping spreadsheets on posters. Most people invest what they can and don't take it too seriously. Others do. And no one wants to fall foul of that for whatever reason.

VestibuleVirgin · 16/05/2024 08:03

Thank you, everyone for replying. I didn't realise some would be playing miss marple and tracking us to pick up on our inconsistencies!
Being on MN appears to be a full-time job, and in order to stay private,mcovering tracks a national pastime!
The ability of people to make us care and angry in equal measure is fabulous!
😍😃

OP posts:
TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 16/05/2024 08:02

@SNMummy2024 it's mostly women on mumsnet. There's a Dadsnet but men don't seem to go there

Igneococcus · 16/05/2024 07:56

No, I'm sure men use MN, dp does although almost exclusively the gardening section, @SNMummy2024 but I would bet a considerable amount of money that the vast majority of posters who announce a name change are female.

Riverlee · 16/05/2024 07:49

I’ve always wondered why they announce it also. Just do it.

SNMummy2024 · 16/05/2024 07:43

Igneococcus · 16/05/2024 06:14

It's usually either because something posted is potentially identifiable and the poster doesn't want to have her entire posting history searchable to a person she knows in real life who just figured out who she is, or she'd like answers to the question posted without someone dragging up something she posted 5 years ago which has nothing to do with their current thread.
I'm sure there are other possible reasons but that's how I usually see it.

Lots of 'she' and 'her' in your post.

Do men not use this site?

PoppingTomorrow · 16/05/2024 07:29

Westfacing · 16/05/2024 07:27

I find it strange when someone announces a name-change as the story will be too outing - they then go on to tell some very detailed scenario that anyone involved in the tale would instantly recognise!

That's exactly why they've name-changed! So those identifying details can't be linked with questions about medical issues, sex life, annoying friend, MIL issues, etc.