FIL 'took' Our car!

Someone needs to collect the car be that BIL or FIL so all this catastrophising about what if someone crashed is a bit ott given it needed to be driven home in any case. Someone could crash into it parked on the drive!

Hmm. I understand the annoyance - this was clearly FiL and BiL's plan when they bought it, and FiL should have been honest with you about that. There's an unhealthy dynamic in many families where parents make one careful child share with the destructive sibling and their stuff gets ruined. But I am surprised you didn't see this coming.

Hiring a car for a month will cost about £1500, and it will be new-ish and reliable. How is that comparable with buying a cheapo older car that might break down, plus insurance, tax, etc?

It's only cheaper because you have relatives running around to buy it for you, collect it for you, store it for you and then sell it for you at the end.

I think YWBU.

But if you refuse them a favour because you're not comfortable (for whatever reason - you've not actually said why), why on earth should they help you?
Would have thought you buying insurance even just for a couple of months would have been very expensive since if you don't live in the UK you won't be entitled to "no claims bonus". If FIL was insuring it for you that would be "fronting".

Pretty shitty tbh.

FIL had done you a massive favour and you can't lend the car out for couple of hours?

I think then asking your parents to do a long round trip to just put it in the garage is bonkers.

Next time, sort the car when you arrive, yourselves.

Yabu. Why couldn't he borrow the car? I really don't see the issue. He was ok to help collect it!

I don’t think you are unreasonable but I often don’t like other people using things I paid for and not all my relatives are perfect.
My question is this: why on earth you did any sort of financial arrangements with your FIL when you knew about existence of BIL and FIL regularly enabling him?
You should have asked your parents .
You got money back so let it go, don’t interfere much but don’t forget.

Do you think your BIL will be irresponsible with the car? Or is it the fact FIL can't seem to say no to him?

As annoying as this is - hire a car, it will be simpler all round. Now you have the money transferred, ask YOUR parents to arrange a car if you need to buy one.

DH says he thought FIL would be driving our car and BIL would drive FIL's car back.
I think it’s fair to say this was a stupid assumption for DH to make. Why wouldn’t FIL drive his own car?

And it’s extremely cheeky (to use a kind word) of DH to be okay with FIL’s car being driven by BIL, for the purpose of FIL and BIL facilitating this favour for DH, but it’s unacceptable for BIL to drive the newly-purchased car.

Yes, BIL should have asked and not told re using the car while his was having the MOT. Maybe that rudeness set DH off but, ultimately, DH acted like a bit of a brat here and I can understand FIL being upset given the time and effort he expended.

the pair of you sound so entitled. your fil and bil have found and picked up a car on your behalf, all you've had to do is transfer over the money and the car is there waiting for you on the drive. yet you won't let your BIL use it for a few hours. I don't blame FIL for telling you to go fk yourself and keeping the car, I would have done the same

They haven’t bought a car for a “month”. Jesus, reading comprehension has gone out of the window with these comments!

OP said they’re coming over for a COUPLE of months, in a month’s time.

Surely you could’ve agreed a suitable time for him to use the car while his was in for mot, it might’ve only been a day.

Their reaction was unacceptable but there was no need to be so awkward in the first place.

We suspect FIL will end up giving BIL the car. We now also suspect that BIL was probably always going to use our car instead of his own (on its way out) secretly before we return to the UK.

You're just guessing all of this to make yourselves sound better though, you don’t know any of this.

As long as he was insured and you didn't suspect he was going to be drunk driving or something I don't really see the issue?

Very much sounds like you were happy for him to help out picking it up and for your ILs to "house" the car for a while but we're petty enough to not do them any favours 🤷🏼‍♀️

If my car was sat not being used and my brother asked to borrow it while his car was in the garage I'd say yes of course, it seems like your DH has blown up a huge situation out of nothing. FIL has done you a big favour finding this car, going to collect it and even BIL, going along to either drive your car or FILs home, surely they are willing enough to do you favours, why is it such a hardship for BIL to drive a car you're not even using for a day or two while his is repaired?
Waiting for the drip feed that he's been banned twice and has a conviction for death by dangerous driving, whilst remaining an alcoholic to this day

I wouldn’t let my bil use my car due to his dangerous and idiotic driving! There’s many people I’d let use my car and have done multiple times before.

At the end of the day it’s not their car, it’s yours. At no point in the agreement did you mention anyone having access to the car.

What if bil crashed the car? Or someone crashed into the car when it’s out and about? That’s a nightmare in itself without being carless until the claim is sorted!

In my opinion, yanu

Your BIL was rude to assume you'd be ok with him driving the car.

But I'm baffled why your DH was so vehemently against it. What harm could it have done?

FIL did you a favour. This unnecessary row has tainted your visit home which you were probably all looking forward to. What a shame.

Meanwhile, is the car taxed, mot'd and insured? Was it insured for FIL, BIL and your parents to drive?

You overreacted. Your ILs did you a massive favour. Sourced a car, done the deal and were then going to store it for you and resell it when you've gone, and you couldn't even allow BIL to borrow the car for a couple of days. When you're not even in the country.
I love driving a new/different car. It's a novelty.
Hire a car like everyone else does. Ridiculous idea to buy/sell - expect someone else to buy/sell for you just so you don't have to pay for a hire car. I expect you expected to get pretty much the full price back for it - and then complain about them.
Wow! Your BIL might be a bit of a waster and your FIL might enable him, but that doesn't automatically make them wrong in every situation.
You were wrong here.

What's the backstory here?

What would have been the actual problem of BIL using the car (providing of course it didn't affect your usage once you arrived)?
Alternatively, why not just hire a car? By the time you've paid out for insurance on your own, it probably would have worked out about the same financially.
Don't honestly think it's just FIL and BIL that have been twats unless there's more to this than has been said so far.

Based on what’s been posted, it seems very mean to have not allowed BIL to use the car when he was helping to collect it (regardless of who would be driving which car home). Pending any relevant drip feed, you and your husband sound entitled and unreasonable.

I get why you don't want bil using the car. It's your car and bil didn't ask. It's jist a repeated pattern. The reason it is so inflammatory for your husband is because he has faced this all his life. Bil being entitled and dad enabling it.

Stand by your husband.

(The worst bit is your husband will forgive. Doesn't mean you need to forget.)

Buying a cat for a month sounds like madness, after you've taxed and insured it wouldn't it be cheaper and waaaaay less hassle to hire one?

So BIL and FIL did you a favour by collecting the car and storing it on FIL’s driveway, but you couldn’t do BIL a favour and let him borrow it whilst his was getting an MOT?!