FIL 'took' Our car!

I've come to the conclusion that when siblings fall out over a car... it's best for the parent(s) to stay out of it. My daughter promised (in writing) to give her first car to her younger brother as an incentive for him to pass his test - extremely altruistic of her, my son was very grateful, he went with her and my father to look at an "upgrade" car for her, and was very excited.

Then her boyfriend's car broke down (minor repairs), and suddenly, my son is told that the BF is going to "borrow" the car which is, technically, his (he paid her a tenner for it, if I remember rightly). Son said that was fine, how long would the repairs take. "Oh, a few days...". Well, that was 8 or 9 months ago. What's worse is that BF lost his license for drink driving (BF's mother told me, I haven't told them that I know... and I won't be doing so. They're all adults and daughter has her own home with the cocklodger of a BF...). So now daughter is having to ferry BF around literally everywhere, whilst there are two perfectly decent cars sat rotting on her driveway., Son refuses to talk to her, took some time, saved up his wages - and bought an MG as his first car, which he and my father are bonding over as they "do it up" together. And they're having a great time with... car stuff.

Do I see this rift between siblings being healed. Probably not. And all because BF got greedy (daughter's first car was a better model, or something, than his... and he's generally quite selfish.)

@LostMyCar - if I were you, I'd advise DH to give his father a bit of time to calm down, then calmly explain to him your reasons. But you never know, your dream car might yet be waiting...

Would he think twice about having a Tinder date in the car? No. In fact, he'd probably boast about it

So what?! This is a car you literally only want to use yourself for ONE MONTH. Who gives a shit if someone else drives it? It’s a cheap second-hand car; it’s already been driven by umpteen people already.

Your DH is being incredibly petty, prissy and uptight about a complete non-issue and this is his fault.

My god. Rough as nails

Interesting.

Your FIL had done you both a significant favour, with help from your BIL (were you expecting FIL somehow to get himself to the new car under his own steam?).
You're obviously not that bothered about BIL potentially drink-driving as you were planning to sell him the car when you'd finished.
In this scenario, if my brother had suggested he should use my car while his was going through MOT my response would have been 'yes, that makes sense' - a car currently unused and that he would be buying from you in a few months.

It reads like your husband has been annoyed on previous occasions by his brother so has reached the stage where he can't react normally to him. It's all a bit dramatic, isn't it?

Tbf it's registered keeper...not owner that's important. But yes guessing that would be FIL but OP provided the funds.
The insurance question is interesting.
But also how did they imagine FIL was going to collect it if not with BIL help...in which case ask the question who is driving what.

OP and her DH are mostly annoyed because under the original plan they were paying for the car and hoping to get all the money back - at BILs expense.
Now although they haven't lost any money it sounds like FIL with gift the car to BIL so he is getting a free car and they are jealous.

What should have happened all along was FIL to purchase and keep the car with the expectation that both sons get to use it as needed.

@LostMyCar just to add - it's really important that you check who is the legal owner of the car now. They have to pay any fines incurred on the car, as well as make sure it is taxed and MOTed.

I can only assume that FIL bought the car and it's in his name and registered to his address. Possibly as a favour to his sons - and he's no doubt very upset that it hasn't worked out with both of his sons being able to use the car (as would seem sensible). As a non-UK resident I imagine it would be hard for you to get it insured - and he probably knew that so was being helpful by getting the car insured so you could use it whilst in the UK. I feel rather sorry for FIL here as it sounds like he's gone really out of his way to help you and DH out (as well as offer a car to BIL in the long run) and you don't seem to understand how tricky this would be without his help and a UK address.

Definitely don't cut off your ties with his family over this.

That's a good point... one of the insurance questions is always who is the car registered to. Would have to be to someone with a UK address.

@LostMyCar when your relative bought the car, there will have been paperwork signed to say who the new owner is. Was the new owner your FIL? In which case, he always owned it and the paperwork will be in his name.

If your DH signed the paperwork then he is the new owner. Which is it?

I'll bet the car was insured in FIL's name with DH as an additional driver (presumably BIL too). Really tricky to find insurance when you're not resident in the country the car is insured in

Was he insured?

Seems a bit petty to say no after they've done the hard work.

I wouldn't want someone I didn't trust driving a car I was going to be relying on using either. Out of interest on what insurance was BIL expecting to use the car? He (like most people who've only ever been UK resident ) probably has no comprehension of how few insurance options a non UK resident using a foreign licence has -.presumably you didn't put BIL on the insurance and he's likely to at most have 3rd party cover driving another car so you had a perfectly valid reason for refusing to allow him to drive the car.

Yes thank you this is perfect

You’re not under any obligation to let anyone drive your car regardless so what if he went and collected it. He chose to do that because he would take the huff if you didn’t allow it, FIL made this conditional sod that for a game of soldiers

Not to minimise but the having a tinder date in the car made me 😆

Yup. We had BIL’s struggles holding down a job covered in the OP - feels like a propensity to drink and drive would have been a more relevant fact to cover!

Were either of them insured to drive your new car?

Indeed! If he has form as an irresponsible driver then that changes the picture somewhat !

I feel like we’ve gone from “no relevant drip-feed” to “BIL is a drunk driver” quite quickly. That’s a very fair reason not to want him to use it, though.

I suspect you're not overreacting. My own brother has significant form for borrowing cars from me over the years, they always came back filthy inside and out, usually running on fumes (borrowed with a full tank) and if I'm really unlucky, he crashed a couple of them. My parents were no support at all for me when I was upset at the state of my car lent in good faith after having called me mean when I didn't want to lend it to him. So I get you.
I'd save yourself a lot of upset and just not bother with them any more. Family or not. Some people are just selfish shits but their parents just refuse to see that. It's awful when you're the other sibling

Exactly! What is the problem?

You ‘just because he didn’t want someone else using his car’, but he had no real reason for that.

This is a car your DH has not yet set his eyes on and is planning on getting rid of after a couple of months’ use. It holds no sentimental value. He was just being difficult.

Seems like the grown ups have gone to bed. Of course you are not being unreasonable. They don't just get to decide that BIL uses your DH's car. Their reaction to your DH's refusal is telling. It doesn't matter that they helped your DH secure the car. It is/was his car, he gets to decide who uses it. If their help was conditional, they should have said from the start so that your husband could get someone else to help or agree to BIL using the car until you arrive.

Depends how cheap "cheap" is. It's £1k plus an unspecified amount. So it may be buy a £4k car, sell on for £4k after 2 months vs £1500 gone.

I feel like I've read this before.