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Original poster

FIL 'took' Our car!

358 replies

LostMyCar · 15/05/2024 21:16

Evening all,

I'll start by saying that I've NC as I don't want this linked with my previous posts. This is a long one so I do apologise in advance...

Dh and I live abroad and will be visiting the UK for a couple of months next month. We've been looking for a cheap car to use for the month with the intention of reselling when we leave.

FIL has been kind enough to help with the search and the other night found a good deal. He went to view the car and arranged to buy it the next day. FIL had 1k of our money (from selling a car last year) and we transferred the remaining balance of the car over. We're excited that we've got a good deal and BIL mentions that he might want to buy the car off us when we leave. Great!

The next day DH gets a message from FIL to say that he and BIL are on the way to collect the car. All good. Then BIL sends a message to the group chat saying he's going to need to borrow our car whilst his car is getting an MOT. He doesn't ask, he assumes.

Bit of backstory - BIL (by Dh's own admission) is an immature man child who is often reckless and verbally abusive when he doesn't get his own way. He can't hold down a job and FIL is constantly bailing him out of messy situations. FIL is definitely his enabler.
DH says no I'm really sorry but I don't want you using my car. I'm not buying it for someone else to use. FIL gets angry at this as asks why BIL is good enough to pick the car up then? DH says he thought FIL would be driving our car and BIL would drive FIL's car back. Had he have known this wasn't the case, we could have asked someone else to collect the car.

Anyway, it's all blown into a huge argument. FIL phoned DH and did nothing but shout and scream. How can he not trust his brother? He's trying to get his life together! DH reiterated that he didn't want to upset BIL but he doesn't want him having access to our car. It ended with FIL telling DH to go fuck himself and to get someone to come and collect our car off his drive way that night. Whilst all this is going on, BIL sends a message to DH saying our car drives like a dream to further antagonise the situation.

I phone my parents and ask them (1.5 hour round trip) if they would mind collecting the car from FIL and driving it to MIL's house as she has space in her garage for it. My parents kindly agreed to do so. DH messages FIL to say that my parents will collect the car from him when he's ready. A few minutes later, FIL messages DH and says that the car isn't ours, it's his. He's keeping it and then he transferred our money back to us. So now we have no car.

We suspect FIL will end up giving BIL the car. We now also suspect that BIL was probably always going to use our car instead of his own (on its way out) secretly before we return to the UK.

AIBU to think FIL and BIL have both acted like twats? DH is really upset that his father has treated him this way and I'm furious at the way FIL has spoken to DH. I'm sure in time, DH will forgive them both which is fine but AIBU to want nothing more to do with them?

Thank you if you've made it this far 🙏

OP posts:
AnxiousRabbit · 16/05/2024 08:47

beenwhereyouare · 16/05/2024 07:46

She said BIL said he might want to buy it. Whoever they sell it to; they're not going to want to sell it for less than they paid a couple of months before. Unless the car is in worse condition than when it was purchased, they have every right to sell it for what they paid for it.

I can see we think differently about this issue. Thank you for explaining what you were thinking.

Show quote history

If it was a car they had found, bought, owned and kept and left on FILs drive while away for a couple of months I would totally understand them being annoyed if FIL just let BIL use it.....but it's not. All they have done is provide some money all of which they will get back one way or another.
It shifts the balance toward a PPs point....I don't understand everyone getting so angry so quickly and falling out over it.

SoupDragon · 16/05/2024 08:30

Massive over reaction on both sides IMO.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/05/2024 08:26

EmmyPankhurst · 15/05/2024 22:05

It's only cheaper because you have relatives running around to buy it for you, collect it for you, store it for you and then sell it for you at the end.

I think YWBU.

I agree

PoppyCherryDog · 16/05/2024 08:18

QueSyrahSyrah · 15/05/2024 21:31

It's only a second hand car, wouldn't letting BIL use it for a day or two have been much easier than all this conflict & drama?

This just let him use the car. I don’t understand the saying no part. So much drama.

Also just hire a car!?!

AlltheFs · 16/05/2024 08:15

I think you all sound absolutely crackers.

We hired a car for 1 month from Enterprise for £900. I can’t see the point in buying one unless you know you can spin it for profit. My DH used to be in the trade and is good at buying stuff on auction but it’s not something to do on a trip.

I’d say you all need to stop being so dramatic.

CountryShepherd · 16/05/2024 07:59

JudgeJ · 16/05/2024 07:50

When we lived abroad and came over for the summer holiday, about 7 weeks, we did this a couple of times and it was much cheaper than hiring!

Show quote history

We went to France with my parents one year. Instead of taking two cars via the eurotunnel, plus all the fuel we bought a people carrier for the fortnight and sold it at a profit on our return.

Renting a similar vehicle was hugely expensive.

TinkerTiger · 16/05/2024 07:57

Knittedfairies2 · 15/05/2024 21:27

Wouldn't it be cheaper and easier to hire a car for a month?

I presume bc they intend to resell it and this claim back some of the money, which wouldn't happen with a rental

Shinyandnew1 · 16/05/2024 07:56

Would the BIL been insured on the car?

mitogoshi · 16/05/2024 07:53

Can't help with the family squabbles but a tip for renting a car - I found there's companies that will rent a minimum of a month for significantly less than the normal well known hire companies. They typically rent to businesses who have staff coming in from overseas temporarily etc. the place I found was in Bristol but they must exist elsewhere. The cars were mostly 3 year old cars that had come back off long term lease before they got sold off though during covid I snagged a brand new car for 6 weeks because I was trying to buy one and garages were closed, they even delivered it.

ALovelyCupOfNameChange · 16/05/2024 07:51

Given the amount of help you need from the family to save you hiring a car yabu
it works both ways. Your putting them out expecting all this, so it’s only fair if they need something in return

mangochutneyjar · 16/05/2024 07:51

InSpainTheRain · 16/05/2024 07:05

I dont see the issue - why are you pestering FIL and BIL to help you get a car if you dont eant to involve him. BIL had to be involved on the trip to get both your car and FILs car back. Make your own arrangements then they can't drive your car if you don't want them to. Unless BIL has reckless driving records whats the issue,

I agree. How was FIL expected to get both cars back without help?

You cant ask people to help you out massively then get pissy when they ask for a similar favour back.

If you want full control over this situation then do it yourself and stop involving others.

JudgeJ · 16/05/2024 07:50

BarcardiWithGadaffia · 15/05/2024 21:35

Buying a cat for a month sounds like madness, after you've taxed and insured it wouldn't it be cheaper and waaaaay less hassle to hire one?

When we lived abroad and came over for the summer holiday, about 7 weeks, we did this a couple of times and it was much cheaper than hiring!

mrschocolatte · 16/05/2024 07:49

bloodyplumbing · 16/05/2024 07:44

@mrschocolatte I think you've misunderstood the whole situation and how this couple use people!

Particularly asking others to get in on ex a do a three hour round trip!

Bloody cheek!

INo, I don’t believe I have. I believe the FIIL is out of order and behaving like a prat. But that’s just my opinion. You’re entitled to yours and I shall respect that.

beenwhereyouare · 16/05/2024 07:46

AnxiousRabbit · 16/05/2024 06:39

Because OP said BIL would buy it off them.
So they pay £2k upfront. Use it for 2 months, then BIL pays them £2k to keep it

Show quote history

She said BIL said he might want to buy it. Whoever they sell it to; they're not going to want to sell it for less than they paid a couple of months before. Unless the car is in worse condition than when it was purchased, they have every right to sell it for what they paid for it.

I can see we think differently about this issue. Thank you for explaining what you were thinking.

bloodyplumbing · 16/05/2024 07:45

bloodyplumbing · 16/05/2024 07:44

@mrschocolatte I think you've misunderstood the whole situation and how this couple use people!

Particularly asking others to get in on ex a do a three hour round trip!

Bloody cheek!

Should say get involved

bloodyplumbing · 16/05/2024 07:44

@mrschocolatte I think you've misunderstood the whole situation and how this couple use people!

Particularly asking others to get in on ex a do a three hour round trip!

Bloody cheek!

Toptotoe · 16/05/2024 07:43

So long as BiL was insured comprehensively, I can’t see a problem with him using the car.
I also think it would have been a lot easier to rent a car though . . .

mrschocolatte · 16/05/2024 07:41

bloodyplumbing · 16/05/2024 07:39

@mrschocolatte your post said that FIL was a controlling bully and treated her DH like shit?

That's what you said.

Are you suggesting that he's had a complete personality change and they didn't know his traits before?

He got them a good deal "they were excited about" it was going to save them money, blah, blah.

Well they're back to square one, then can go and stove their own car.

They even had the cheek to involve other people and ask them to do a 3 hour trip to get the car?

Users!

I misunderstood your original response. I thought you were referring to the BIL so responded as such.

bloodyplumbing · 16/05/2024 07:39

@mrschocolatte your post said that FIL was a controlling bully and treated her DH like shit?

That's what you said.

Are you suggesting that he's had a complete personality change and they didn't know his traits before?

He got them a good deal "they were excited about" it was going to save them money, blah, blah.

Well they're back to square one, then can go and stove their own car.

They even had the cheek to involve other people and ask them to do a 3 hour trip to get the car?

Users!

mrschocolatte · 16/05/2024 07:32

bloodyplumbing · 16/05/2024 07:25

But they still involved him with a car purchase etc?

They sound like users TBH, do this, do that.

Show quote history

I may have read this wrong but I don’t believe they did. OP and DH only dealt with FIL. It was FIL that brought the BIL in to the mix.

kitchenhelprequired · 16/05/2024 07:29

@OPOPONAX4 Keith Michaels is a good option for a car owned in your own names as non UK residents with non UK driving licences.

socks1107 · 16/05/2024 07:27

I think you've all made a drama over nothing. Your fil and bil sorted out between them collecting it so would it have been sick a big deal to let him use it. You created a huge fuss.
They should've asked not assumed but then tbh you'd never have known anyway if they hadn't told you

bloodyplumbing · 16/05/2024 07:25

mrschocolatte · 16/05/2024 07:16

I’m on your side OP. You know your BIL better than any of us so trust your gut instincts on this one. If you feel he is untrustworthy based on your history with him then he probably is. People seem to be glossing over the fact that your FIL treated your DH like shit which is not acceptable. He sounds like a control freak and bully to unilaterally make these decisions without consulting you and then throwing his toys out the pram when you pushed back.

But they still involved him with a car purchase etc?

They sound like users TBH, do this, do that.

Doingmybest12 · 16/05/2024 07:16

You were happy for everyone to do all the running around for you, yes maybe he was rude the way he went about it but it makes total sense for him to use the car. Its sitting there.

mrschocolatte · 16/05/2024 07:16

I’m on your side OP. You know your BIL better than any of us so trust your gut instincts on this one. If you feel he is untrustworthy based on your history with him then he probably is. People seem to be glossing over the fact that your FIL treated your DH like shit which is not acceptable. He sounds like a control freak and bully to unilaterally make these decisions without consulting you and then throwing his toys out the pram when you pushed back.