to not have realised how abusive and horrible men were until I joined MN

Peculiar, rude, and rather defensive comment re single posters.

What is wrong with recognizing that one is better off single, by and large?

I'm scrambling to ask why you feel it necessary or appropriate to pepper a discussion about women's experiences of DA with info & opinions on men's experiences.

I don't know what your other hobbies are, besides misogyny, but let's say you're a TR7 enthusiast. You're engaged in a discussion about the recurrent problems with your solenoid. A bunch of other people turn up to say Alfas have a lot of electrical problems too. Yeah, you say, this is a Triumph forum. "Alfas matter, too!" they cry, spamming your Triumph talk with Alfa datasheets and manuals; "What's wrong with you? Alfas are way more interesting and require more expertise!" You don't respond, so they tell you Triumph owners are bigoted prats and continue to berate you on Alfas and their delicate electrics.

Do you and your pals immediately decide you were all wrong to lovingly rebuild your TRs and should really turn your attention to Alfas? Do you fuck!

Actually, Pistonheads usually has a few lively woman-contemptuous threads going on. why don't you piss over there and talk to people with a similar interest?

It's certainly eye opening, but at the same time OP you have to remember that people will come and post to MN often in times of desperation or for help/advice -The hardest and most troubling points in their life, not to talk about how lovely and wonderful their life and their DH/DP is.
It's kind of in bad taste to create an entire thread about how great your life is.

It's both a lot simpler and a lot less of a brag to talk about the negatives rather than the positives.

Honestly I've found any MN thread that mentions positives of their DH or even DC being little angels rather than terror's, or even just questions something not being as bad as they expected from having read anecdotes on MN will often end up getting piled on with "Oh well that's great for you OP, not all of us are so lucky!" comments etc

Even his own damn Wikipedia article says at the beginning “women are substantially more likely to be injured or killed in incidents of domestic violence”.

But the attempt to bring the conversation back to violence again and again is all part of the misogyny. This is not just about violence. It’s about being a shit to the person you’re supposed to care about. Most of the posts on here that shock me aren’t about violence. They’re women who have been abused in to a shell of their former self, but who don’t see it because their partner isn't violent. But it suits men to bring the conversation back around to violence again and again so that they can claim to be a “nice guy” if they don’t beat anyone up. If that’s your bar, it’s too fucking low.

https://www.womankind.org.uk/resource/a-femicide-factsheet-global-stats-calls-to-action/

A woman is killed every 11 minutes.

It's why we pick the bear.

You've been on MN too long....

Domestic violence is a gendered crime. Men are the perpetrators (over 90% defendants in court ONS)

People ignore as there is little point in engaging with a flat earther.

Because men you meet who you aren't in a relationship with can act anyway
They will be pleasant with woman they aren't dating and a devil to their wives

Not all of course but the threads on here don't shock me

No she didn’t. She was religious and in her particular church divorce was frowned upon. Religious women are even more trapped in their situations than normal, with more pressure to keep marriages intact.

That’s horrific. Did she leave him?

You've got to laugh at all of the toddlers throwing their toys out.

A lot of the time when they post like this I am really glad they clearly have no real life women to harass. I'd rather they all swarm here to bash out their spite than actually be inflicting their behaviour on a woman in person. They're the kind that probably already have of course, and would do if they could in a heartbeat, but at least for now they're alone. Puce with rage, they're sat scratching their stinky balls and getting angry at a screen.

Maybe instead of embarrassing yourself, get a MALT drink and get to bed.

Spent a lot of years on Reddit. Seen what men are like on there too.

I must be one of the few who over the years has heard many MN style stories in real life mostly in Australia, some in UK. I used to belong to a largish, well connected social circle, so would come to know about these cases, most of which have never reached the courts.

In a few cases, it has come really close to home. I will never forget my SIL telling me she had to go to a gynaecologist for treatment because her husband would rape her whenever angry with her. He would get angry with her for being calm! Another event happened in my daughter’s circle a few years ago perpetuated by a man who hated women - absolutely harrowing.

People saying the men they know in real life don't treat women this way.... are you in a romantic relationship with each of the men you know? Because unless you are you can't say what it's like to be their partner. It's well documented that abusive men appear charming to those outside the relationship. Domestic violence most often happens in the domestic sphere not publicly or in front of witnesses. It's in the name ffs.

Ask any woman on here who openly posts about having suffered DV. Did all her friends, acquaintance, work collègues, family etc all know? Or did she used to be embarrassed or questioning if what was happening was wrong so she didn't say anything, even actively covering it up. Then when we escape do we tell people day to day that's in our past?

I'm very vocal on here about having suffered abuse. People in my real life mostly have no idea. I used to actively cover it up out of shame but even now I know he was the problem not me I can't be open because it would be damaging to my children if they/people who know them knew this about their father.

THIS thread is about nasty, violent, toxic, controlling, manipulative, gaslighting, MEN!

MN is full of man haters

NAMALT

Don't believe everything you read on here

Obvious troll is obvious.

And yet... on each post about abuse or violence by a male partner there are hundreds of replies from women who have experienced the same at some point or know another woman or even several women who have.

Its not just about the first post asking for help/advice. It's also about ALL the women who gather to help - because they've been there too. But who haven't made a separate post about it.

Add them up and tell me it's a "bubble"
It's quite clearly not.

It’s always the same. They can’t help themselves.

Stop trying to police/silence other posters that disagree with you. You're not a moderator.

By all means report anything that violates the forum rules though..

Anyway, I'm out. I've said all I really wanted to.

Still posting, 8 posts later & counting ..

This all day long! 👏

It’s like when theres threads about dog owners being useless, not picking up their dogs shit etc. As a responsible dog owner I don’t feel I have to go and defend dog owners. I just know that the complaint isn’t applicable to me, and actually I sometimes go on the thread and agree with them because dog owners not picking up their dogs shit is disgusting.

Men coming on to a thread to tell women that they’re wrong, and going out of their way to say NAMALT are part of the problem. Walking red flags.

YANBU
But it didnt take MN for me to realise the sheer volume of shitty entitled rapey coarse violent 'pseudo nice' guy men out there. You see it all the time, just that reading on MN reinforces what you already know. I love DP he's cool but if we ever finish I'd not risk another relationship.

Sometimes I see it said here 'It's not the 1950s you know!' Whilst im thinking well it may as well be. All these sulky, violent, bullying, cheating, bone idle slobbish men still get women hanging onto them. Its the whole thing of having a man/being married forever pushed as being a sign of success I suppose.

Come to think of it why are men even on here talking about DV? You couldnt care less about it and dont support men or women experiencing it. All you care about is landing in women's spaces (but not men's, God forbid you challenge men) pointscoring 'Yeah but women do it too'. Ejaculating all over thread with unasked for manosphere musings

Growing up I was told feminism had won it was a historical movement and we now have equality. At the same time i was socialised into taking on more domestic work as women are better at it/men just don't see it/all those stupid excuses. Woman have lost out. We get to work now cuz equality by still have the burden of home duties men just don't pick up (yes NAMALT but come on enough are that we need to acknowledge the problem!).

Mumsnet has helped me understand how I've been treated isn't fair. You read an AIBU post and think this man is out of order then think yet my oh is similar and im putting up with it?!

I fear for my dd. I think in many ways equality is going backwards and so many women are not aware. Feminism wasn't a movement of the past it's a necessary responsibility all woman should understand. men will keep chipping away at our hard win rights and see us as lesser and support humans one generation of women thinking we had won has cost our next generation greatly.