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Original poster

Is too much expected of women now?? How do you cope with working full time and managing all the childcare??

31 replies

Onionbhajisandwich · 15/05/2024 16:40

After several years of managing all the housework, the childcare and working full time (including looking after 2 small children whilst I worked at home during the school holidays) I came very close to having a breakdown in 2022 and 2023. My marriage has been destroyed and I lost my job.

Having taken some time off work, I’ve gone back to a new full time job in the last couple of weeks as I can’t afford to work part time and am feeling the strain again already. I’m still alone when my daughter refuses to go into school every single morning and now I have the added pressure that I cant afford that time to mess about because I need to be across town for work every morning. If I don’t work, I can’t pay my bills and it’s likely I’ll lose my rented accommodation. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to manage this on my own. The kids dad sees them regularly but isn’t (doesn’t want to be) available to help with the issues getting DD into school each day.

How many times do I need to tell people I’m
struggling before someone take it seriously??

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 15/05/2024 16:59

Momstermunch · 15/05/2024 16:45

It's not so much that too much is expected of women but not enough is expected of men..

Working full time as a mum is perfectly doable if you have a second parent sharing the parenting load.

It's shouldn't be this hard for you - it's grossly unfair.

This.

I’m sorry OP your situation sounds very tough. And sorry if you feel this is derailing but you need to reframe the question.

Instead of asking if women are being asked to do too much, you need to ask if men are doing enough?

Whenever this question comes up someone will tip up to say “women can’t have it all.” Well, actually they can. It’s hard and expensive and sometimes demoralising but they absolutely can. But more to the point, no one ever tells a man he “can’t have it all.”

Its a simple equation. If a woman is doing too much it’s always because a man isn’t doing enough.

I appreciate that may not help you immediately and I don’t know your personal situation in detail. I realise it’s hard. But please don’t let this spin into another “women can’t have it all” thread. You owe it to yourself not to buy into that patriarchal garbage.

NotTheReal · 15/05/2024 16:53

My MIL genuinely told me that if DH and I split (it’s a real possibility) that he should be able to drop the DC off with me to do all the childcare to enable him to keep working. I work full time too.

But nope all childcare should fall to me. Fuck my life.

I don’t know OP. It’s unfair.

Momstermunch · 15/05/2024 16:45

It's not so much that too much is expected of women but not enough is expected of men..

Working full time as a mum is perfectly doable if you have a second parent sharing the parenting load.

It's shouldn't be this hard for you - it's grossly unfair.

Octavia64 · 15/05/2024 16:44

Unfortunately there is very little support out there for school refusers.

I had to go part time in a similar situation although the financial impact was not as bad.

How old is your child? Schools are a lot more aware of this as an issue these days and as a result have things they can offer.

It is very emotionally tough through.

Therageisreal · 15/05/2024 16:43

I hear you. Are you a single parent because if you aren’t it isn’t me who needs to hear you.

5128gap · 15/05/2024 16:42

I hear you. Is it an option to go part time with UC top up?

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