His comment when the bill came ....

Isn’t it suggesting she was mortified that he thought she might expect him to pay it all?

But I suppose therein lies his problem . Some women do get defensive when the guy offers to pay so maybe he felt awkward and it came out … well, awkwardly.

Im not sure I’m following that it was such a hugely twatty thing. The fact he conveyed the jaguar and palatial home sounds worse.

It's akin to a form of - in the modern parlance - 'negging', the implication hanging there in the air that you neither want to nor can afford to pay, subliminally inviting the woman to try harder to please or placate the big man.

As I said, it only needs 'shall we split this?' with a smile to be polite.

Ditto.

I get it - he sounds arrogant and rude. If he had been respectful I think you would have split the bill with no thought about it. I guess rich people dont get rich by giving their money away.

My first date with dh was in the bar of a London hotel. There was live music, we couldn't have a conversation so he suggested the restaurant. I was a single mum, it was Michelin starred and I knew I wouldn't be able to offer to pay half- and I didn't want him to feel obliged to pay a huge bill so said no. He wouldn't listen and didn't even let me see him ask for the bill.

He proposed to me in that same bar, we've been married 15 years and he's never let me pay for anything. He's not controlling in the slightest (if that's coming here) but just an exceptionally generous person- to all our family, to charity.. it gives him pleasure to give. I've told my dd it doesn't matter how much someone has, she doesn't want to be with a tight person.. that's miserable.

Perhaps you should have said “yes, you can pay “ and considered it compensation for having to waste an evening with such an arrogant prick.

The mortification came in because she was mortified. What bit do you not understand? People can express themselves with whatever words they see fit.

I would have been very uncomfortable too. He was acting as those you would be expecting him to pay the bill, letting you know he didn't want to and trying to come across as though he was offering to pay. Twat is right. I would have said the same back to him 'oh, do you want me to pay for this? I was expecting we'd just go halves.'

Mountain and molehill. After he'd asked for the bill I'd have got my credit card out ready. I'm not quite sure what OPs gripe is.. If you'd have said thank you he'd have said the whole bill presumably?

he does sound a bit rude but was he more annoyed with the waiter for putting the bill in front of him rather than the middle

I'm surprised at all the people who don't seem able to pick up what was rude about his tone.

Who pays the bill is well-known to be a sensitive subject, so throwing responsibility for making the call on whether he should pay it all (without actually making a direct offer to do so) straight at the OP was extremely rude.

"I'm happy to pay this if that suits you?"
"Shall we split equally or would you prefer to pay for what you had?"
"How about I take care of this and you take care of the next one?"
"What's your preferred way of handling the bill?"

Just a few ways he could have politely raised the subject without setting an expectation that he's going to pick up the tab indefinitely.

This is about tone, not words.

Why are you so annoyed? He obviously felt the same way as you!

What a prick

I used to ask for separate bills if I wanted to pay for myself.

Aye if he's a millionaire I'm a fucking unicorn. He's a rude arsehole for the way he spoke. Splitting is the norm I guess when on a date and you don't know them but if he was bragging before hand he obviously felt that you'd try and take advantage of his non existent weather. Plus the only jag he'll have is a dinky model of one.

What's Revolut?

It would have been much better him to have simply asked, 'shall we split this?' with a smile. There was no need for him to have been so performative about it. Ending a question with 'or what?' is neither transparent nor endearing.

I honestly don't know, I haven't been single for many years and I was a teenager the last time I was. Dating apps weren't a thing. IME one person usually asked the other out.
But it applies anywhere, if I asked my mum or my friend for lunch or something, I would expect to pay.

then proceeded to suggest I pay him Cash while he used Revolut to pay the total. Honest to fuck That's better than suggesting you pay and he does a bank transfer when he gets home/tomorrow/(never).

And you obviously have very low standards if you are judging this comment only on the aspect of splitting the bill. The problem here is the rudeness. Nobody needs to be a twat when asking for the bill to be split.

Unbelievable bad manners. He didn’t need to be so crass even if you were not expecting to pay.

I’m surprised at the amount of women who don’t see a problem at being talked at like that.

While I agree it has developed a diverse range of meanings on SM, I think when the OP writes, 'I have never been asked anything like this in such a way and I was mortified', you can easily replace that with 'embarrassed' without too much mental bendiness?

'do you want me to pay for this or what?'

How lovely of you to offer. Thank you.

Job done.

Agree that OP should have said at the point of ordering, ("I think I'll have the fish - and by the way - we're going halves on this" or at the very latest when it was time to go, "Shall we ask for the bill? And just to be clear are you ok if we split this".

If she waited until it was delivered - to him as if the waiter expected him to pay - and OP let him pick it up and look at it - STILL didn't reach for it or her purse or say anything. What was he supposed to say??? Sorry OP you asked for that.