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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

His comment when the bill came ....

332 replies

mrprott · 15/05/2024 13:54

I went in a date recently.
I was a little anxious before hand about the discomforts of f the bill situation but was and am adamant about splitting bills on dates bar coffees or waters etc.
I knew midway through meal that he was a test so decided to enjoy rest of meal and put it down to experience.
I suggested at the end we call for the bill. It came. He looked at it , sat back on his chair and with a swerve of his hand pointing at the bill said ..'do you want me to pay for this or what ?' In a really nonchalant voice ..
I nearly died 😂🤣🙈
I was so shocked at how he spoke to me.... this boastful, popular , millionaire( his words ? with his jaguar and photos of his palatial spread ....
The waiter caught sight of this and got awkward and left ..
I said of course we're splitting it but in my fifty years of living on this earth, I have never been asked anything like this in such a way and I was mortified.
He didn't understand this at all???
Shrugged his shoulder and that was that ..
AIBU ?

OP posts:
Peaceandquietandacuppa · 15/05/2024 22:33

What an arrogant tit. Well rid OP 😂

MyFirstLittlePony · 15/05/2024 22:32

Haha he was not a millionaire 😄

nobody who us really rich flashes their wealth like that. He’s a wannabe

TheWeeDonkeyFella · 15/05/2024 22:31

Calliopespa · 15/05/2024 20:40

She’s already said he wasn’t particularly.

Show quote history

😆

MistyMountainTop · 15/05/2024 22:29

I've had the same tenner in my purse for over a year - haven't used cash for that long, everything goes on a card!

CheekyHobson · 15/05/2024 22:19

Theothername · 15/05/2024 22:04

If I can offer a dating tip- never pick up any shame or embarrassment that rightfully belongs to your date.

There was nothing in this exchange that should cause you a flicker of mortification.

I know this will seem like I’m picking apart your phrasing, but women are conditioned, from childhood, to accept responsibility for men’s bad behaviour, through language among other means.

And the best protection from negging, boorish behaviour and any other undesirable carry on, is recognising that it’s always about them and not you.

So so true. A good response to his rudeness would have been (perhaps deploying the classic Mumsnet tinkly laugh), “It’s not clear to me from what you just said whether you’re offering to pay the bill, but regardless, I’m happy for us to pay for ourselves today.”

WalkingaroundJardine · 15/05/2024 22:11

Yes, I agree that sounded rude.

DodoTired · 15/05/2024 22:08

He was rude, so yes. A twat

Theothername · 15/05/2024 22:04

If I can offer a dating tip- never pick up any shame or embarrassment that rightfully belongs to your date.

There was nothing in this exchange that should cause you a flicker of mortification.

I know this will seem like I’m picking apart your phrasing, but women are conditioned, from childhood, to accept responsibility for men’s bad behaviour, through language among other means.

And the best protection from negging, boorish behaviour and any other undesirable carry on, is recognising that it’s always about them and not you.

GingerPirate · 15/05/2024 21:56

Dancehalldarling · 15/05/2024 21:29

Never occurred to me 😂 I have a jaguar I wonder if people on my road think I’m a millionaire 😂😂😂

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Depends what THEY drive and where you live 😊
This guy though is really a waster 💭

Papyrophile · 15/05/2024 21:53

The correct answer on a first date is always let's go Dutch.

NonPlayerCharacter · 15/05/2024 21:46

ChampagneLassie · 15/05/2024 21:16

I really don’t understand what you’re upset about, obviously it must have been something that you’re not conveying here. You wanted to split, he asked if you’d like him to pay or something else? What did you want???

She wanted him to split the bill without making defensive, rude, adversarial and completely gauche scene of it so that it was no longer merely splitting the bill and was in fact a display designed to make OP uncomfortable and subtly insult her.

There's not actually a single poster who doesn't understand this. You know it, we know it. So I guess the real question is: why are so many people pretending to think that this is an acceptable way to behave?

Dancehalldarling · 15/05/2024 21:29

GingerPirate · 15/05/2024 21:27

😂
I think they might be in the range....

Show quote history

Never occurred to me 😂 I have a jaguar I wonder if people on my road think I’m a millionaire 😂😂😂

GingerPirate · 15/05/2024 21:27

Dancehalldarling · 15/05/2024 21:01

Yuck 🤢

side note- are jaguars aspirational cars?

😂
I think they might be in the range....

ChampagneLassie · 15/05/2024 21:16

I really don’t understand what you’re upset about, obviously it must have been something that you’re not conveying here. You wanted to split, he asked if you’d like him to pay or something else? What did you want???

Yousay55 · 15/05/2024 21:12

Lucky escape. Onwards and upwards!

NeedToChangeName · 15/05/2024 21:12

Worriedpanda50 · 15/05/2024 14:18

What's Revolut?

@Worriedpanda50 it's a bank

Butchyrestingface · 15/05/2024 21:11

Well, regardless of the rights and wrongs of the situation, it doesn't sound like you like him much so well done for finding that out on date 1 rather than wasting any more time on someone you're not compatible with.

If everyone managed to do that, this site would have virtually no users.

orangeN · 15/05/2024 21:07

I think from your conversions he figured out you would give him a pass, so he does not want to pay for you, although could do it more nicely

Dancehalldarling · 15/05/2024 21:01

Yuck 🤢

side note- are jaguars aspirational cars?

WalrusOfLove · 15/05/2024 20:55

It's hard to get the tone from just reading it. I took it like he was probs trying to avoid that awkward moment by saying "I can just like pay for it if you want?"

But you were there so if you say he was obnoxious I'll believe you. But surely it's hardly surprising he was twat if he was flexing wealth and cars. I'd not have gone on a date full stop.

Calliopespa · 15/05/2024 20:44

Rosebel · 15/05/2024 20:39

Well OP wanted to split the bill so if he'd just paid it she'd still be unhappy. And posters on here would say hes a misogynist bastard and she should never see him again.
I don't think men can ever win , but in MN world anyway.

Show quote history

I’m afraid I agree with bits of this.
And I think it’s his awareness of these undercurrents that has made him approach it a little awkwardly.

I’m all for an anti-misogynistic world but I do feel in some ways we have become a rather prickly, touchy, sex inclined to flare a little indiscriminately at times.

BananaLambo · 15/05/2024 20:42

He wanted you to say, ‘Let me.’

take10yearsofmylife · 15/05/2024 20:42

You both probably think of each other as lucky escape... dating will becomes very costly for the man if he is expected to pay every single time, quite clearly he is aware the date won't go any further...

Calliopespa · 15/05/2024 20:40

eggplant16 · 15/05/2024 20:32

Was the grub nice?

She’s already said he wasn’t particularly.

Rosebel · 15/05/2024 20:39

ohthejoys21 · 15/05/2024 14:50

If he thought you were for him, he would never have asked the question just dealt with the bill. But he didn't and was being rude because he just didn't care.

Twat.. lucky escape for you there.

Well OP wanted to split the bill so if he'd just paid it she'd still be unhappy. And posters on here would say hes a misogynist bastard and she should never see him again.
I don't think men can ever win , but in MN world anyway.

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