His comment when the bill came ....

I know! Seems as if that one phrase has been analysed to bloody death, given a million different meanings, bit ridiculous really.

I agree with the observations here too.

I find the perusing of the bill a total embarrassment but some people think it’s only fair. I do have a friend who I know keeps track of what everyone is having. Sometimes if someone orders, say, an extra drink she will say to her DH “ well in that case you might as well get another too” because she’s worried they will “carry” it if the bill is evenly split. I now mentally regulate what I order by matching it to hers because I know there is such an issue around it for her. Yet I’d far rather we just split and I couldn’t care less if they had an entree and I didn’t, but paid 2.75 towards it. For me the social lubrication that comes from it has value in itself. I once went to a meal with a large group and a woman crossed everything off as people paid then stood up, clapped her hands and said” someone hasn’t claimed the samosas. I don’t think anyone else wants to pay for it and I certainly don’t!” The awkwardness that followed was indescribable. My friend then said “ it was me.” I asked if it was and he said “ no it wasn’t but I didn’t know how much more of that silence I could endure.”🤣
So everyone feels differently about these things and, with shifting etiquette, it’s created a need to ask, not tell, what is going to happen.

Completely agree.

Honestly, if you can’t just state your preference without second-guessing the other person or lying to try to impress them, and can’t just say “Oh, I’m on a bit of a budget so can we each pay for our own” or take longer than 20 seconds to state your preference for splitting the bill without tiptoeing atound, then as I first stated, you are not mature enough to be dating.

I hesitate to say this, because last time I mentioned it someone didn't like it, decided to hold me personally responsible for the truth of the fact I was stating and started stalking me all over the site...but fuck it. This is why etiquette/protocol exists; so that people know what to do in certain social situations without causing awkwardness or offence. If there was a set standard for what to do with the bill on a first date, everyone would relax more because following the protocol means you don't create awkwardness.

Traditionally I think the rule is that whoever does the asking pays and I don't think this is a bad rule...but if a lot of people are finding it disagreeable, perhaps it's time for one of those shifts in etiquette that happen over time as society changes.

I don't think a man is obliged to pay for a woman just because he's the man, but I do think he won't mind if he wants to see you again.

Because it's a minefield of social rules and niceties that are easy to misjudge and the next thing you know someone's really offended/embarrassed. In your example - "The bill arrives. You look at each other" Already it's awkward - you're looking at each other, trying to gauge the correct response.

"One person or the other says “Let me get it this time” But it's never that straightfoward because the speaker might just be being polite in saying that but doesn't really want to pay the whole thing, so if the other person just says "Really? Ok thanks" they might have permanently pissed off the first person. Or the second person might feel they're being patronised, or as others have said, 'bought'.

“Shall we split it right down the middle” Now one of you might be thinking 'but I had less expensive meal so a 50/50 split isn't fair.'

“How do you prefer to split it?” Cue lengthy discussion with verbal tiptoeing around - gives me a headache just thinking about it.

Yes these are exactly my thoughts. Also that the less than ideal wording could have been awkwardness about the topic.

Even in the mirror write-up which had been edited to showcase the issue , rather than a string of posters with differing views, I was left thinking it’s a bit like a joke without a punch line.

I get it that he was a “ test” on the date generally, but I can’t honestly say that comment was a big deal imo. I guess maybe you had to be there …

🤣

Yeah but it’s not hysteria levels like this. I mean yes it was blunt, but they clearly didn’t like each other and were not going to see each other again. He could have phrased it better, but I really don’t get this whole extreme sensitivity.

For all those not seeing the issue here, it's the or what?

Now do you see? 🙂 Fucking rude, full stop.
That's it in two words.

I don’t get it. You are not seeing him again the?

I am. And I do.

Is a thing that you just made up.

A chicken Kiev! 🤣

Surely that is an entirely different conversation. And if the woman is concerned that her date might want sex in exchange for a chicken Kiev, she would demur gracefully and say she would prefer to split the bill.

because some twats think if they get dinner they get something else, as they paid. They don't want to take turns paying for dinner - they want sex for paying for dinner - she did say he was a twat

You dodged a bullet. He sounds rude and arrogant.

then proceeded to suggest I pay him Cash while he used Revolut to pay the total. Honest to fuck 🙄

so he could take the cash and put it on expenses? ffs

I'm confused.

I thought it was anxiety over paying the bill etiquette.

But neither of you seem to have any etiquette.

He's flaunting his jag, photos of palatial home and is self-boasting millionaire.

Along with "Do you want me to pay for this or what?"

So he's not into social niceties, or being gallant, or being graceful, or being articulate or paying a compliment.

And you don't come from a wealthy background either.

Your viewpoint is the ethics of paying 50/50.

He's just asking you whether he needs to splash the cash.

I understand why the waiter was backing away.

I don't understand why people say they don't 'get' it.

Yes, OP, he was clearly an absolute 'test'. I've never come across that kind of behaviour either! (Not because he wondered who would pay the bill - because of the way he did it.) I hope you're not seeing him again 😳

Well the mirror thinks this is newsworthy

https://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/sex-relationships/relationships/woman-mortified-over-dates-rude-32823252

No loss. Oh dear

It therefore isn’t just a given that you should grab it and say “it’s on me.” That works better if it’s been a lovely evening and you know you both want an excuse to do it again soon - or if it’s genuinely getting romantic. The guy had to ask if they hadn’t discussed it, he didn’t know her, and the date hadn’t been an obvious success.

Okay, so don't say, "It's on me." Say, "Shall we split the bill? Does right down the middle or each pay for ourselves work better for you?"

Instead the guy said, "Do you want me to pay this or what?" Putting all the awkwardness onto the OP and in kind of an aggressive way. He was rude, and he didn't need to be, when there are so, so many other ways to handle this conversation.

I’ve got a friend who genuinely gets panicked if she thinks there is a risk of one of the rest of us picking up her share of the bill. If she needs the loo she sits jigging in her seat and rubber-necking for the waiter’s attention so she can pay hers ( to the penny) before she goes, just in case it comes while she is away from the table and one of the rest of us pick it up. I know what she’s afraid of: it’s that we will say “no don’t worry about paying me back; you can shout me next time.” She’s worried the next time the bill will come to more than her one on this occasion - or, to be fair, doesn’t want to budget for two meals the next time she goes out. So some people are genuinely not a fan of running up a perceived debt or letting the paying split get “out of control.” It therefore isn’t just a given that you should grab it and say “it’s on me.” That works better if it’s been a lovely evening and you know you both want an excuse to do it again soon - or if it’s genuinely getting romantic. The guy had to ask if they hadn’t discussed it, he didn’t know her, and the date hadn’t been an obvious success.

So say, “I’d like to get this one if it’s all right with you? You could get the next if you like?”

And if the woman gets sniffy about being “bought”, you think, “Wow, she’s kinda hard work, I think I’ll keep looking.”