His comment when the bill came ....

JJathome

"Why would you tell him that? It’s not the 50s, we are equals and can and should wish to pay for ourselves. He should body swerve anyone who has their hand out for a free feed."

It's not about the money, if somebody wanted to pay for my meal on a first date I wouldn't see that as inequality I'd see that as sweet and courteous. Not because I want a free meal, I'd just acknowledge he's been raised well.

Why would you tell him that? It’s not the 50s, we are equals and can and should wish to pay for ourselves. He should body swerve anyone who has their hand out for a free feed.

'I said no of course I don't want you to get this. We are splitting the bill, if you're happy with that?
He was like ...sure.... then proceeded to suggest I pay him Cash while he used Revolut to pay the total. Honest to fuck 🙄'

I don't see the issue? He said 'sure' to splitting the bill. No one can tell what word was stressed or what the tone was in the sentence he said that upset you, but not worth a second thought if you're not meeting him again.

Who is the host, surely you both agree to meet after chatting for awhile. Life isn’t a Jane Austin novel.

Not sure why you were mortified if he was the one being the twat, you clearly didn’t click. He rudely asked if you expected him to pay, you said no, you’d already decided not to see him again, seems same back, you paid your way, nothing to be mortified about.

Ask the server at the start of the meal for separate checks. Job done.

I don't understand what people were not understanding and why the OP needed to explain. Clearly the man was rude and obnoxious when the bill came. That's not how you politely ask how its being handled.

As an aside, I don't really agree with splitting bills. The etiquette is surely that the host pays, the host being whoever asks for the date, regardless of gender.

Ohwellithappens

Thank you!

@ohthejoys21 agree.

Testina

"ohthejoys21 so you took her out? Not you mutually agreed to meet? Sure, if it’s your invitation it might be appropriate to pay. But if it was just a joint decision to go out, I’d find that really patronising. Doubly so as it’s your friend not his."

I can't even remember who asked who just a mutual arrangement. Not patronising in the slightest. Dh and I were away when we got friendly with a divorced woman.. went out for lunch and dh paid for her even though she offered.. normal!

I find it really annoying when a man suggests going for dinner, picks a place, takes control of the menu " please choose whatever you would like" then it's halves when the bill comes.
If a guy is going on so many dates that he can't afford to pay the bill in a restaurant he has chosen then maybe he should be more selective.
As for Revolut, that's a red flag, yes it's convenient but as one serial cheater told me it's a way to stop your wife seeing what you are spending on a joint account. And there used to be a free membership to Tinder included for free...

“Dh and I took out a single girlfriend of mine the other day. It wouldn't have occurred to dh not to cover her.”

@ohthejoys21 so you took her out? Not you mutually agreed to meet? Sure, if it’s your invitation it might be appropriate to pay. But if it was just a joint decision to go out, I’d find that really patronising. Doubly so as it’s your friend not his.

Well, I'm still waiting to know whether his tone and body language about the bill were 'nonchalant' or 'obnxious', which are not at all the same thing, and the OP has claimed both at different points.

You did.

Not only misogynistic but misandry too. Nice.

Seedsandseeds

"You claim you deem someone to care and like you only if they pay for your dinner. So you're basing your worth on a man paying for you to eat."

Where have I said I only deem someone to care and like me if they pay? I said that was probably how HE felt, not me! Wasn't going to see her again so why pay. Charming.

When my ds was dating I told him to always pay irrespective of if he saw a second date or not. Maybe not feminist just polite and how I've raised him I hope.

Sherlock has solved this mystery, IMO

the etiquette is to immediately reach for your purse on a date, to make it clear at once that you are willing to pay your half. It’s understandable that people get pissed off if it looks like you assume they will pay. Usually you’re batted away with “I’ll get this”.

if I were a man I would never pay for someone who wasn’t clearly offering to split!

he sounds like a total twat for all his bragging but I don’t think he’s wrong here.

He sounds like a bit of an arse with the boasting. As you were clearly not going to see him again I would have been tempted to say "Cheers, thanks" and grabbed my coat and left.

Men who insist on paying the bill don't necessarily value the woman they're paying for.

And lots of men are tight and will still pursue the woman even after she's paid the bill.

You claim you deem someone to care and like you only if they pay for your dinner. So you're basing your worth on a man paying for you to eat.

"You base your worth on whether men pay for you to eat or not? Bizarre."

Who said anything about my worth? This was dinner not anyone's worth.

I don't really see the difference in regards to the point being made. She brought up the bill then made no mention of paying when it came. Of course he's going to ask

When I was dating I always asked to split the bill but found that not one man would accept me paying my share even after insisting. It's old fashioned yes but I guess it depends on whether they're able to or not.

Dh and I took out a single girlfriend of mine the other day. It wouldn't have occurred to dh not to cover her.

No, she didn't say she asked for the bill. She said "I suggested at the end we call for the bill. It came." So she suggested they get the bill, and he must have then asked the waiter for it.

I agree. She said she asked for the bill then changed it to he asked.

You base your worth on whether men pay for you to eat or not? Bizarre.