His comment when the bill came ....

@nfkl did you mean pillock or do you use fish to insult people? 😂

I don’t mean this unkindly, but you’re going to need to toughen up / raise your bar for mortification if you’re trying internet dating.

This obviously wasnt very nice behavior from him, but it’s at the very mild end of what you can expect when internet dating, I’m sorry to say.

It’s been years since I did it, but I can’t imagine things have got any better. I’ve been single for 7 years and it’s this kind of shit that keeps me single! I haven’t got the endurance/ patience I had in my 20s!

You are a better person than me @mrprott .

Firstly, I doubt I would have had a meal with him (my iron clad internet dating rule was coffee or drink only on a first date).

Secondly, if I had had a brain fart and agreed to endure a whole meal, and he was as twatty as you described and then asked me the question in the way you make it sound, I would not have been able to resist accepting his offer to pay. (If the date was horrific because the person was unpleasant I had no qualms about letting them pay, although the true horror shows rarely offered. I'd always go 50/50 otherwise).

He sounds like a bullet well dodged.

*He

His was blunt rude, and for all his millions(?), he wanted you to know that he wouldn't be taken advantage of🙄 Just awful.

Is it the norm to make it clear at the beginning that you'll be splitting the bill?

He sounds rather ungracious and arrogant. You're well shot of him. What a way to phrase it 'or what?' He would have been well served if you'd said, 'Well actually, I was going to go halves but seeing as you're such a rich dick, you can pick up the tab. Bye.'

I always offer to pay, but given he was being a dick when he said “do you want me to pay for this or what” I would have been sorely tempted to play dumb and just answer breezily “that’s so generous, thank you”

Maybe then he’ll rethink his attitude towards the next woman.

Agree.

"This one is on me," said with a smile, or "Shall we split this, then?" said with a smile, were his two options. Belligerently daring her to let him pay the bill in full was just being a dick.

No, I get it, OP. There's the guy who wants to split the bill (fine), and then there's the guy who makes a huge awkward defensive scene about splitting the bill because he's more concerned about letting his date know he won't be tricked or something than he is about being pleasant company.

It's the same attitude as people on OLD whose profiles are just exercises in ranting about everything they hate about men or women than in trying to present themselves in an attractive or appealing way. The whole attitude is one of "you won't get one over on me" rather than "it's nice to meet you, let's make the date pleasant". You can split the bill without making a boorish, defensive statement about it.

He was rude.

I'd go for yes, thanks, on this occasion. Don't fancy a "what"!

Mildly uncomfortable for the three seconds it'd take to say "no thanks let's go Dutch"? Sure. Absolutely mortified? No. That's dramatic as hell.

And no I can't pick up on his tone and body language as I wasn't fucking there, and the way OP has described it has changed at least twice so it's not exactly easy to interpret.

I think I would have been unable not to say “ No, no, this one’s on me” just to see the look on his face. 🙂

Why would any of us be 'sad, jealous little ladies'? OP didn't enjoy her date, no one is sad or jealous (I am very much not little, either. Wish I was.). Most people are just asking what was so bad about the man's tone, because his words seem fine?

Exactly.
If a first date, he should have paid full stop.
That's just me, though.
Glad I'll never need to bother with "dating" ever again. Neither do I want to.

The waiter was out of order with that one. It's normal to present the bill to the diner who asked. But ... perhaps the staff at this venue are really, really tired of hearing this man barf on to a succession of women about his big house, shiny car and internet bank account, and reckon he owes them dinner for putting up with him!

..'do you want me to pay for this or what?'

"Let's go halves, shall we?"

Job done.

Really? Are you a robot?

You really don’t see why it might feel uncomfortable being spoken to like that? Or can’t you pick up on his tone and body language as op has described? Infuriating.

I would have said he was crass, both in his boasting and showing off then his snidey way of talking about splitting the bill. I would have just said something like - are you happy to go 50 50 or shall we pay separately? The blatant assumption in the way he phrased things was poor but to be honest if he is on the dating scene he likely has been taken for a bit of a ride, but he is misdirecting his feelings about it

There are certainly some deliberately obtuse snarky people on here today.
It's perfectly obvious what OP meant unless you are an idiot so I'm assuming that's what the rude people are.

Haha
Well at least you don’t have to waste any more time on this tight, unattractive twat. Win win. 👍

I don't understand it either. Why were you mortified. Just say no I'd rather we split it. Or that would be kind if you take care of it this time. Nothing mortifying about it.

He phrased it badly and it sounds rude.