Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Salt burn makes me worry for poor kids at ‘posh’ unis.

317 replies

Pippetypoppity · 15/05/2024 11:56

Im beginning to think certain Universities have much wealthier students on average and a kid from a poorer background would have a hard time perhaps ? Oliver in Saltburn was almost ostracised. Dc is looking at Exeter and Bath as favs. Not going to have any of the spending money, nice things from home the private school kids there will have I’m guessing. Will they have a hard time and be excluded in any way do you think. Horrible to think that as pretty shy and socially awkward anyway 🥹.

OP posts:
TheaBrandt · 15/05/2024 19:18

The truly posh go to places like Cirencester Agricultural college or they did in my day!

Engaea · 15/05/2024 19:12

Exeter and Bath, seriously?

surreygirl1987 · 15/05/2024 19:03

mindutopia · 15/05/2024 12:05

I think you are projecting too much. Personally, I wouldn't consider Bath or Exeter particularly posh unis (sorry!). I work at one of the more prestigious Russell Group unis (not Oxbridge) and honestly, I wouldn't consider my students to be 'posh' at all. They are really just normal young people from very diverse backgrounds. Yes, they do have more privilege than someone who can't get into uni/can't afford to attend. But it definitely isn't all interrailing and ski holidays and designer clothes. Frankly, I don't think the majority of them went to private school either.

Agreed! The vast majority of students are from state school backgrounds. This differs slightly by course (English Litetature at my Russell Group uni attracted more of the posher private school types for instance) but generally you'll find most have very similar backgrounds to your own kids. I grew up in a poor family and had never been abroad etc but I fit in just fine. My kids now go to private school and actually it's more likely they'll be the odd ones out when they go to uni as a result.

Calliopespa · 15/05/2024 18:53

Meanwhile I’m terribly worried my posh, privately educated DC will bring home a state school type who will manipulate us all into early graves and dance naked through my house.

It’s just a story OP … and one packed full of stereotypes that didn’t even stack up in the movie, let alone real life.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 15/05/2024 18:51

Saltburn's not a documentary

Frangipanyoul8r · 15/05/2024 18:43

You’re being absolutely ridiculous, don’t even mention this as a thing to your child. Just tell them to go and enjoy it and meet and mix with lots of different people. Uni isn’t a time to worry about being “posh enough” it’s a time to find your own crowd.

Lordofmyflies · 15/05/2024 18:40

One of my Dc is at Exeter. 30% of students are from private education, but that means 70% aren't. Don't limit your child due to your fears - teach them to to take people on their achievements, not that of their parents. It can open their eyes and make them thankful for a solid, family upbringing and a home cooked roast on a Sunday!

Keepthosenamesgoing · 15/05/2024 18:40

LaPalmaLlama · 15/05/2024 12:13

Honestly, when I found out Saltburn was supposed to be set in the early 2000’s I almost laughed. The depiction of Oxford was ludicrous ( right down to being allowed to smoke in hall). I went to “the other place” in the 1990s from a state school and it was nothing like that and it’s even less so now. Yes there are some very wealthy students there but for the majority, just because they went to private school doesn’t mean their parents were/ are dishing them loads of cash.Some were pretty skint. Generally people rub along and find common ground/make friends from all different backgrounds.

On Saltburn, tbh I found the Oliver thing super confusing as he was actually basically middle class but made up his deprived background to appear edgy ( never quite clear but…)??

Likewise ! Nearly all my mates were from state schools. All of them were "normal", we spent most of our time eating pasta and tinned tomatoes and trying to work out which alcohol was the best value for £ /% abv!
I did meet a few posh people but no one with a title ans no one seemed to be unfeasibly rich !

tennesseewhiskey1 · 15/05/2024 18:38

Ummm Bath and Exeter aren’t posh unis…. He will be fine Op.

FamBae · 15/05/2024 18:37

My DD (from a South London working class background) did her degree at Cambridge about 15 years ago, she mentioned that she wasn't as well read as some of the other students and couldn't compete with their designer clothes; she / we were very lucky that her tuition fees were paid by her grandparents, we paid for her keep and her student loan paid for her 'Uni experience' as the students are discouraged from working; also Cambridge at the time didn't have a Primark so when someone enquired about her outfit she told them that it came from a small local boutique. She made some good friends, had some amazing experiences and left with very happy memories and a very plummy accent that now many years later comes & goes depending on her surroundings. 😄
Re pp ball gowns were just long dresses mainly purchased in Debenhams Blue Cross Sale.

feelingalittlehorse · 15/05/2024 18:32

I mean, I managed a whole 5 year degree and wasn’t mentally distressed enough to drink someone’s dirty bathwater.

So I think he’ll be fine.

Razorwire · 15/05/2024 18:29

There are posh a-holes and contextual-offer a-holes and a-holes in between.

Teach you child to avoid the a- holes. Many, if not most, posh kids are nice w normal parents.

Surprisedbuthappy · 15/05/2024 18:29

I haven't seen the film - sounds bonkers from the quick description I just read!

I was a poor kid at a posh university in the mid-2000s. My time there overlapped with royalty, so we're talking extremely posh! I remember my parents having the same concerns and my father in particular even tried to put me off going there. They were the best years of my life, hands down! I did have some friends who'd gone to private school, but we pretty much moved in completely separate circles. I made loads of other state school friends - we sometimes ran into the posh lot in the streets or at a ball (we had lots of balls) but it was completely fine.

Don't limit your child's opportunities for them! Let them make their own decisions and if they're not happy there after a year they can always move!

Lifeomars · 15/05/2024 18:23
  1. Only 6% of children go to private school
  2. Saltburn was fiction

Some kids thrive at university regardless of their background, some don't again regardless of their background. It takes a while to settle in and university isn't for everybody. Leaving home is challenging for young people, and it takes time to get to know people and find your feet. My child did fine and I brought him up by myself in a tough inner city area. Just encourage your child, let them know you believe in them and that you are there to support them in whatever way you can

Thebellofstclements · 15/05/2024 18:22

The percentage of privileged students will be higher but the majority will still be from state schools (with a significant percentage of those not being wealthy state school kids). He will find his own people in time. You can research which halls of residence would be most suitable - a couple will be stuffed with the public school crowd that your son may prefer to not live with immediately.

VerlynWebbe · 15/05/2024 18:20

I don't think this is an unreasonable worry at all! As lots of people have said, Saltburn isn't real, they massively exaggerated the ratio, but of course Oxford has plenty of posh twats at undergraduate level. Of course it has. As does Cambridge. As are several other unis like Durham, Edinburgh, St Andrews, Bristol.

But they do not rule. There are tons of other people and you find your friends, you really do. And you get to observe these strange, super-posh people in the wild, and it's educational. It gives you an understanding of how institutions are so badly run. It gives you such a healthy contempt for the establishment. You learn a little swagger.

In amongst all that there are some lovely, posh, privately-educated people who also don't fit into the category depicted in Saltburn. People are people, really, and those caricatures exist but are an absolute extreme.

I found going to a university with a higher-than-average ratio of private school sorts (as a working class girl from a single parent family, first in the family to go so absolutely no experience) was really instructive. Not always pleasant. There were moments. I was sometimes out of my depth in tutorials. There was a little sneering. But I had my friends and it was all part of life and I wouldn't spend any more time worrying about your son because he's going to get a lot out of it, regardless of whether some floppy-fringed lounging Tarquin looks down on him one time.

W0tnow · 15/05/2024 18:12

JJathome · 15/05/2024 17:54

Also op, Exeter has 65 percent from state and bath 75 percent. They both have a majority of state school students,

id also make sure you support your daughter and don’t let your own prejudices and fears limit her.

It’s a very high percentage of privately educated, given that overall in the uk 6% of kids are privately educated.

I think? Someone correct me if I’m wrong!

Spirallingdownwards · 15/05/2024 18:10

spiderplantmum · 15/05/2024 13:39

Okay. I work at Oxford University, have done for 10 years. 1) trust me, it's nothing like the film. I actually found the film annoyingly inaccurate. 2) honestly, it's like any other university, just with higher entry grades and a few odd traditions. Oxford tries really hard to shake the idea that it's just for posh rich kids (and there are some of those, but it's certainly not the majority). Also, I work with students on a daily basis and I think with everyone going a bit green and a bit more community-minded, the idea of getting in because you were rich is a bit embarrassing these days and doesn't mean you're going to be the cool kid, at all.

For most courses it actually has lower entry grades but a more stringent application process.

BloodyHellKenAgain · 15/05/2024 18:08

Should havd added, I'm as common as muck, but aspire to greatness 😂

BloodyHellKenAgain · 15/05/2024 18:07

Is UCL posh? I think is maybe is. I went there and for the first time met lots of people who had been privately educated. Never had an issue OP. It's good to meet people from lots of different backgrounds.

Brexile · 15/05/2024 18:02

aodirjjd · 15/05/2024 17:30

I think what you are missing is the tiny classes and small colleges make it harder than the average uni to find your own tribe.

of course you are welcome to find friends outside of those settings like hobbies etc but it would be shit and lonely if none of your friends are in your halls /lessons.

Yet again you describe my experience. Shit and lonely just about sums it up, although I did get used to the solitude. It was a huge disappointment at first because I was so convinced I'd meet lifelong friends at university. I did know some lovely girls from school and summer schools, but they were at different colleges and our paths didn't really cross. Social media probably helps these days.

Wineandrun · 15/05/2024 17:55

I went to Edinburgh uni from a boarding school, although my parents gave up everything to send me and there were definitely no skiing holidays. In my experience, people stuck to their own social groups but no one was ‘banned’ from making friends outside their group! When I think back, all my friends did indeed come from private schools but that was never intentional, it’s just a case of you meet someone who introduces you to someone and generally they came from the same sort of schools. I think as long as your son has something interesting to say and can make a level of small talk he will be fine.

JJathome · 15/05/2024 17:54

Also op, Exeter has 65 percent from state and bath 75 percent. They both have a majority of state school students,

id also make sure you support your daughter and don’t let your own prejudices and fears limit her.

Brexile · 15/05/2024 17:53

aodirjjd · 15/05/2024 12:37

I turned down an offer for a uni for that reason. I went for the interview and they made a big point of making you stay overnight and being shown round by current students so you understood uni life there and could check it was for you.

It was not for me. I wouldn’t have been able to afford all the balls and gowns you were expected to attend/ buy. I wouldn’t have been able to empty my room every holiday. I would have felt uncomfortable with a cleaner changing my bedding (yes really!) and I got a distinct vibe from the others on tour that let me know I wouldn’t fit in. I had 5 interviews and only that one gave me that vibe.

I went to a different red brick which still had a lot of private schoolers who I was mates with with much more life experience than me but was instantly welcoming and totally different vibe.

You were smarter than me at 18. I went to a university like the one you turned down, and it was a very alienating experience. I wish I'd at least chosen a different college, but I was too hellbent on proving people wrong by getting into the most prestigious university, course, college etc. I can't say I wasn't warned about the snobbery, either!

YANBU OP, but then I think those are quite ordinary universities and should have a fairly broad social mix.

mitogoshi · 15/05/2024 17:48

I wouldn't worry about the push kids aspect, all universities have a range of backgrounds, but Bath is expensive compared to many, city centre is lovely, there tomorrow but ouch buying drinks

Swipe left for the next trending thread