Salt burn makes me worry for poor kids at ‘posh’ unis.

This is not my daughter’s experience at all. Groups were mixed. Sure there is arseholes where ever we go. Some hating the posh kids some hating the working class but it is not the norm any more.

I don't remember reading anywhere that Saltburn was based on real-life events.

I watched Godzilla and am now scared of going to New York.

Some colleges will let you stay on in the vac — mine did. And there are always storage facilities, so you can box up your belongings out of term time. I wore the same serviceable dress to the three May balls I attended. I didn’t ’fit In’ in the sense that there were no other WC students at my college, but it stretched me and showed me new worlds, I did make friends, and actually, I’d had considerably more life experience than the richer people.

A long way back I had school friends who went to Oxford from our shitty deprived village, who quit or transferred having been made to feel like stupid worthless oiks (the expression one of them used)

That was a long time ago.

Plenty have gone since - and friends of my DC have as well - and been perfectly happy and settled.

The two at Durham say the large number of southern posh kids can be an issue - mocking Northern WC kids’ accents, mocking lack of money or travel - but that “you get wankers everywhere so I’m not letting them put me off.”

To those decrying people being wary of “posh” - there’s definitely a confidence (and in many cases arrogance?), entitlement and obliviousness to many social hardships from young people from privileged backgrounds. They have life experiences a mile away from those who have never been able to travel, go to the theatre, see gigs, own much, or have free time because of working 4 shifts around school.

That can cause a lot of obstacles for lower WC kids.

I was a state school kid at a posh uni. There was definitely segregation but there were enough other young people similar to myself that I made friends. We found each other.

Which Bath? Uni or Spa?

My firmly MC (3rd generation Oxbridge, DPs and DGPs all professionals) DD has had vile comments from a tiny number of students at her Cambridge college. Her offences are being from a comp, and having a Midlands accent. It was the same for me 35 years ago.

The difference is that now the other students of all backgrounds were absolutely appalled and made it clear that such behaviour was unacceptable. In my day such prejudiced attitudes were much more widespread and freely shared including by staff - it made the newspapers .

It isn't changing fast enough (state education statistics are misleading because selective grammars have nothing in common with comprehensive schools) but it is changing.

I was brought up in dilapidated council flat in a tower-block in an inner city with multiple drug den flats in it. It was quite normal in the morning on the way to school to find others had relieved themselves in various ways in the lift. It was also normal to find you had been burgled in broad daylight for drug money.

School was full of gangsters, drugs and alcohol, students who had been expelled from other schools, and teachers who couldn’t get jobs in other schools… the whole school was on special measures.

I was also raised by a high school dropout teenaged single mum, we were in benefits the entire time I was growing up. Eating out was a foreign concept, holidays were for other people, a fish and chips takeaway or Domino’s pizza was an extreme and rare luxury - even then only a couple of slices.

No one even spoke to me at home, let alone that I was familiar with polite conversation. Sometimes my mother spoke with her hands in the form of blows as a means of conveying “important” messages.

Somehow, miraculously, I was accepted into a top university.

I was a fish out of water, didn’t know what the hell was going on around me.
It was a difficult time. Still, I wouldn’t change it. It was good to be exposed to a whole new life and set of people.

The most important thing to set your child off to university with is a good self esteem and confidence… and that comes from loving them and being a good teacher of the world for them from day one.

I had neither of those things and it was crippling. I was able to teach myself over time. Now I am comfortable in any crowd. Wouldn’t wish that upbringing on any child.

Don’t worry, university is an excellent and necessary coming of age time for most young students, all of it generally good and teaching important life skills quite apart from the degree subject.

I agree - exposure to more privileged people can inspire and motivate people from less privileged backgrounds in many, many, ways.

As long as they're smart and confident enough not to be in awe or try to imitate them. To be their own person. This skill, you can help instil in your child.

I opened this thread expecting it to be about some university kid who had come home with physical evidence of some dangerous and painful hazing ritual...

I agree and abhor this stay in your lane mentality, we should all want our kids to learn to be comfortable across all demographics. And should not visit our own fears or social anxieties on them.

Although I did go to a RG uni and met all sorts of people there. Nice people from posh backgrounds. Wankers from less posh ones. And vice versa. I was not posh. For others to decide if I was a wanker.

Saltburn made me very glad mine decided against applying to Oxbridge ;)

Can you imagine if someone posted this the other way around?
They would quite rightly get destroyed

I was a working class kid at university. All the working class kids were trying to pretend they were used to eating out or bigging up their holidays to Spain and all the rich, privately educated kids were trying to act like they always had beans on toast and downplaying their trips to the Bahamas.

I went to uni around the same time and the two factions kept themselves to themselves bar the odd one who tried to run with the posh crowd and got themselves into huge debt doing it (as opposed to the rest of us with our medium-sized debt).

I'd check out what the situation is with housing by looking at unofficial sources and if there's a divide there. Where I studied posh kids were in flats and normal kids in halls so it was easier to find a tribe of similar people in one or the other. However, uni is about learning to rub along with all sorts of people and be independent as well as book learning.

Dd ended up at a uni with quite a few private school kids. Whereas she was from state school. There was a bit of comparing notes through curiosity but not judgement. She is friends with a range if people. The difference is she didn’t go on the fancy ski holidays and had to work work whereas her peers didn’t have to work.
A lot will depend on your dc attitude. Will they feel feel different and accept and enjoy the experience anyway rather than feel lesser.

I turned down an offer for a uni for that reason. I went for the interview and they made a big point of making you stay overnight and being shown round by current students so you understood uni life there and could check it was for you.

It was not for me. I wouldn’t have been able to afford all the balls and gowns you were expected to attend/ buy. I wouldn’t have been able to empty my room every holiday. I would have felt uncomfortable with a cleaner changing my bedding (yes really!) and I got a distinct vibe from the others on tour that let me know I wouldn’t fit in. I had 5 interviews and only that one gave me that vibe.

I went to a different red brick which still had a lot of private schoolers who I was mates with with much more life experience than me but was instantly welcoming and totally different vibe.

DH went to Oxford from a state comp and had to learn proper table manners when he got there. He learnt fast. It was the making of him and helped rather than hindered his confidence when he started his career.

Open minds are successful minds op. Also there's an important point you seem to have missed. An excellent undergraduate education leading to an excellent degree.

It is the duty of all parents to equip their DC with life skills. So yes, you do need to teach him how to use his irons, save from a central dish, offer others drinks, etc, hold open a door, etc. Notwithstanding all the other skills: cooking, cleaning, kindness, driving, managing a banknaccount, etc.

Haven’t seen Saltburn, but I’m from the lower reaches of the WC, and had a blast (and got a First) at an Oxford college known from its traditionally large numbers of old Etonians/Harrovians. I saw a different, wider world, got invited to homes (not stately homes) I never believed in in the vacs, and made lifelong friends.

I went to Durham then Bath. I am Northern, State school and had only been abroad on two school trips. I was fine - most of the friends I made were relatively similar background, or rich but not wankers so all good 😆

@Usernamen Agreed. Why the concern about mixing with 'posh' people?

I'm from a FSM household with an abusive father.
Landing a grammar school place and then a university place meant I mixed with decent educated people for the first time and learned how 'posh' kind normal people live. What to aspire to. What is possible with a bit of work. How to integrate. How life should be.

It's not a documentary. Your kids will be fine.

YABU

Saltburn is fictional - and i think you misunderstood Oliver entirely if you think he was the poor ostracised kid and not someone knowing exactly what he wanted from life no matter how he'd get it.

I went to a Uni that is seen as very posh and am totally fine. All my uni friends were completely normal people. I work there now and most of the students i come across are also completely normal. Your child can get involved with the aspects of university socialising they want to and not do the things that make them uncomfortable. As far as little money goes, they should get a part time job.