Cheeky school mum

It wouldn't bother me if the girl lived very close to you and you didn't have to go out of your way.

I think it does depend, my sons best friend has a single mum who is also in a busy stressful job and is having health issues. The reality is, I work pt running my own business which is very flexible, so I do a lot more for her child than she does for mine and she often calls and asks me to help- I don't mind, I'm lucky with my circumstances and he's a nice friend for my son.
I think it depends on whether you feel put out, it sounds like you do. I'd then personally (as a conflict avoider) get in to the excuses before she can, text before she does "the next 2 weeks are crazy at work and given I did the last 2 weeks it makes sense for you to do these ones please". Or get out of it with a "daughter has a new activity/I've got appointments/seeing a friend now on those afternoons so it doesn't make sense for us to share lifts anymore I'm afraid"
You don't have to make a big deal of it or make it obvious you're annoyed if you're worried about playground politics! Little white lies are fine (equally you might want to make a point of it to teach her a lesson, but it sounds like you're not that type of person- me either)

Just get in there first for the next one, ask her to take your DD first and see what happens. Obviously be prepared to take your DD so she doesn't miss out in case she has some excuse, but you just need to be direct. Your providing her childcare when you agreed to take in turns isn't okay.

If she does wiggle it if it and If you don't want to be confrontational maybe ask family or another friend to take your DD for a couple of weeks to break the cycle and if she still asks after that just ignore the message and say you didn't get it till after the event.

when you reply does she acknowledge it?
I’d be tempted to ignore the message and just take my daughter.
“oh, my phone is lost/broken/forgotten etc” when I actually see her.
let the school phone her to say no one collected her daughter.

her own fault really.

Hi xxx Im running short of time for the next two weeks so I wont have time to pick up as have a lot on. If you can take them that would be amazing otherwise im going to have to see if I can get mum/husband/sister to take DD or tey and squeeze it in. Can you do those weeks, let me know if you can. Or if we can plan which weeks we are taking that would be really great and I can organise my end.

I would get in there first the night before and tell her your busy and ask her to take your daughter

if you don’t manage it before she texts you then reply with ‘I was actually going to ask you if you could do it this week’

alternatively just dont reply then the next time you see her just tell her you have lost your phone

There is so many things wrong with ops position. Her boundaries seem to depend on other people 🤷🏼‍♀️ and knowing how they will be received?! The fact she is moving heaven and earth to facilitate her child’s friendships without stopping to consider the message this sends her child (you are less than)
Cant prioritise her own work and life, seems to be unable to advocate for the importance of her own needs.
Cant bring herself to simply just say no, and mean it.
It’s really sad.

I'd just not respond and say sorry been busy with work I missed your message😅

Yeah I know how awkward it is but she is taking the piss as you aren't disagreeing with her..some people will always chance their arm. Text her today about next week. And see what response h get. Having to mind her before hand and provide snacks really is going too far.

Cancel the deal and just take your own daughter. This other mum is taking the p!

Ignore her texts. Continue taking your DD to ballet and forget about her.

Clearly, for whatever reason, your agreement to share the driving hasn't worked out, so there's no need for you do continue doing your bit.

Not this week (no reason needed) or I'll take them but cant stay, you pick them up.

Your going there anyway, your daughter gets a better bond with her friend - reply with sure can you drop ... home on your way back please.

I’d do this. Then if she asks again from now on Is be going somewhere else after school and so couldn’t possibly take her kid too. For those saying “oh well you’re going anyway” it’s the fact OP is feeling taken advantage of and put out by having to look after someone else’s kid, and if her dd got injured or needed something while doing ballet surely she would want her mum over a stranger.

Pre-empt it by messaging in the morning and saying something has come up at work... How do you usually agree whose turn it is?

Maybe at drop off say you've got a hectic few weeks at work coming up so you'd be grateful for her to do the Ballet run as you've been covering for her for the last few weeks. If she seems unwilling, you'll have to end it with a breezy oh, I'll have to work out something else then and not take her child ever again.

Sometimes the kids also get fed up with lift share arrangements, especially when they don't really have anything much in common with the other child or they simply get bored with each other after a long day at school together, doing the hobby activity plus whiling away precious downtime in between school and hobby, it can be all too much.

These arrangements only work if the sharing is equal, otherwise it's not sharing but a free of charge driving and child mining service.

Long years of lift sharing experience under my belt, I know pretty quickly who's a cheeky fucker and who is happy to genuinely share. The CFs do exist and get a simple but definitive no from me. It has made family life so much easier. If OP takes only her daughter, it's time they spend as a family, they can chat about the day, the dc can relax after school with no duty to entertain other child.

It just comes down to reciprocity. I now only ever share with people where there is mutual respect and consideration. Works best in the long run.

Doesn't matter, surely the reverse is true in as much as she doesn't know you well?
Whats the alternative? Her behaviour us saying she feels more important than you, turn the tables

Just say,
Actualy.. can you take my daughter with you this week, I’m too busy? “

Tell her sorry but no since you’ve made other plans.

the problem is she can just 'assume' you are going to go anyway - as you haven't pressed/ stated that you would like a proper swap.

Being assertive is not the same as being rude - say -something like

'what would be the best way to split the ballet lifts - would you like to do alternate weeks or are there particular dates you can't do and we can plan six week blocks'

Op I feel you are already weakening, this woman is taking advantage of you - for your dds sake advocate for yourself (and her) Tell her unless you can take turns sadly it doesn’t work for you.
You don’t need to say anything further.
I certainly wouldn’t be doing that every week.
Make this her problem. It is her problem. I wouldn’t be driving the friend again and arrange dh to do the next one without friend and he can say if asked you have a 3 week work backlog, no one respects a doormat op ( I have been there)

So if she can't do it anymore then what?
What if this becomes the only close friend your DD has and you'd have effectively separated them.

You are taking your DD anyway - I am not sure why it's such a big deal.

If you don’t want to be upfront with her, just start to be less responsive ie accidentally leave your phone on silent til you’re there “oops, didn’t realise my phone was on silent” etc. Or tell her you’ll be elsewhere before the class so can’t get her kid too.

It is a bit silly to give up on the arrangement without even saying anything. You're stewing about it which is an indication the issue needs to be aired.

Just ask her now if she's able to do the next two weeks. And be prepared to say "I can't" if she says she can but then asks you to at the last minute.

Assertiveness is a good life skill. You can do it!