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Would you send this woman a link to the article about her new boyfriend?

113 replies

TheHeadOfTheHouse · 15/05/2024 11:47

A woman I went to school with around 20 odd years ago has started a new relationship and it’s all over Facebook. She’s naturally an over sharer anyway, so even though I haven’t seen her since leaving school I know a lot about her life through Facebook.

Theres been lots of very lovey dovey pictures numerous times a day with this new man. She’s tagging in him everything and I noticed his Facebook name was odd, it’s two words rather than a name. I thought it was abit odd that he wouldn’t have his real name on there, but in his info bit he’d put his name.

So I googled his name and a picture comes up of him in numerous newspaper articles about how he beat a man so badly, the man had to eat through a straw. He got 6 years in prison.

would you message the woman with a link to the article?

she might already know and be ok with it, but if I didn’t know, I would want to know if I was her.

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/05/2024 16:07

SnoqualmieRiver · 15/05/2024 15:29

She's not a close friend and may ignore any anonymous message.

Just write under one of the gushing posts -

'Is that the same Fred Bloggs as this?' and then post a link to his reported crimes.

Bad advice as he and his scary friends might see and start stalking her and ruining her life in revenge. Better to at least do in a private message

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/05/2024 16:06

You can ask your local police station advice for a Claire's law on her request and they can contact her if needed.

You could also send it to a mutual friend who knows her better and say you just saw this randomly and it looks like friends man - does she think she knows?

SnoqualmieRiver · 15/05/2024 15:29

She's not a close friend and may ignore any anonymous message.

Just write under one of the gushing posts -

'Is that the same Fred Bloggs as this?' and then post a link to his reported crimes.

Lululime2024 · 15/05/2024 15:28

PanicAttax · 15/05/2024 15:15

If he had been in all the papers with a criminal conviction though....
Not quite the same scenario.

Oh yeah of course, totally different.

MrsVeryTired · 15/05/2024 15:26

Agree with @Kesio do it from a unlinked email address. If you are absolutely sure its him obviously, people can have the same name. I know 2 people, similar age, same name, from the same town (one is a criminal, one is not, quite awkward for the one who is not)

caringcarer · 15/05/2024 15:18

Lemsipper · 15/05/2024 12:08

Id send it 👌🏽 do it 100% anonymously though, u dont want this dangerous man angry with you.

This. But after you sent it, let it go.

PanicAttax · 15/05/2024 15:15

Lululime2024 · 15/05/2024 15:09

Someone did something similar to me years ago, she told me my partner had a child, and even when I said no he dosnt she insisted he did, and I said ok how do you know that and she said oh I looked him up on Facebook and saw pictures of him holding a new born, I was like that's his neice,

and now I think that girls a right odd ball, to 1 look up my partner when like you we hadn't seen each other for years since school, and 2 to think that 2 seconds of looking on Facebook means she knows more about him than I do 😂

not sure how holding a newborn means you're automatically the dad

If he had been in all the papers with a criminal conviction though....
Not quite the same scenario.

5128gap · 15/05/2024 15:13

Yes, I would. If she already knows, no harm done. If she doesn't, she needs to.

skyfairy · 15/05/2024 15:11

If I were in her shoes, I would want to know. People saying she already knows are making a lot of assumptions. If you tell her (in whatever way you decide to), then if she decides to turn a blind eye to his nature, as many women choose to, then at least you will know you've done all you can.

Lululime2024 · 15/05/2024 15:09

Someone did something similar to me years ago, she told me my partner had a child, and even when I said no he dosnt she insisted he did, and I said ok how do you know that and she said oh I looked him up on Facebook and saw pictures of him holding a new born, I was like that's his neice,

and now I think that girls a right odd ball, to 1 look up my partner when like you we hadn't seen each other for years since school, and 2 to think that 2 seconds of looking on Facebook means she knows more about him than I do 😂

not sure how holding a newborn means you're automatically the dad

PanicAttax · 15/05/2024 15:05

I'm always of the opinion 'do unto others'. I would want to know if I was dating anyone with a criminal history.

The worst that can happen is she thinks you're a meddling witch and hates you, or tells him. Actually I'd also do it via another email account, in case she does that. He's the one you're worried about really, not her.

badatdecisions · 15/05/2024 15:01

Obviously tell her.

And of course she's not going to click a link in a random email or from an obviously new Facebook or messenger user she doesn't know.

pontipinemum · 15/05/2024 14:38

Kesio · 15/05/2024 13:52

I'd get a new disposable email address and send it to her anonymously.

This is exactly what I'd do as well. Send her the link. She may know but at least you can be sure she will now

Kesio · 15/05/2024 13:52

I'd get a new disposable email address and send it to her anonymously.

Foxyaus · 15/05/2024 13:51

Timspam · 15/05/2024 12:00

If you do it, even anonymously life often finds a way and there could be trouble in various shapes and forms, if you don't do it nothing can go wrong. In my opinion that's your answer.

"Nothing can go wrong" except her friend also being badly beaten.

bloodyeffinnora · 15/05/2024 13:50

I would, anonymously, then what she does about it is up to her, but imagine if she doesn't know and he turns violent on her.

toomuchfaff · 15/05/2024 13:22

mindutopia · 15/05/2024 12:01

Is she in the UK? Honestly, if you care about her, I would put in a Clare's Law request as a third party. They won't disclose to you, but if they deem the charges worth disclosing to her, they will contact her and ask to meet to make the disclosure. It may be taken more seriously coming from a police officer than a random anonymous account on Facebook.

This.

Aside from this giving Stalker vibes lol...

A woman I went to school with around 20 odd years ago ...... I haven’t seen her since leaving school..... So I googled his name...

If something happened to her - you'd feel guilty for not saying something. You cant assume she has googled him - she may not be as stalker as you are ;-)

ElaineMBenes · 15/05/2024 13:12

I would but she probably knows and won't thank you.

I didn't something similar to my friend. I found out her new boyfriend had spent 6 years in prison for almost killing his girlfriend.
Turns out he'd already told her and put his own spin on it..... which she believed despite his story being completely improbable.

She doesn't speak to me now.

BlueBlahBlah · 15/05/2024 13:08

Yes I would. We don’t need to all turn blind eye. Imagine he did something awful to her! Like you said she might already know, but I think I’d anonymously send her a link.

Mrsjayy · 15/05/2024 12:19

TheHeadOfTheHouse · 15/05/2024 12:06

Some people don’t go googling peoples names etc that’s what’s making me think she doesn’t know.

she might know, I don’t know

Edited

She will know there might be an absolute nonsense of an explanation from him or she might think he's changed or she can fix him but I am betting she knows, although what have you got to lose telling her you are just old school friends and would it matter if she doesn't speak to you again?

Whisperingsummerishere · 15/05/2024 12:09

Many years ago my ils hired a PI to get some dirt on my new friend .. They did and didn't tell me. If they had my life would have been very different imo.
Their motive was to prove I was cheating. I wasn't.. We weren't an item until much later on. If I had know the info they had I would never have gotten involved. I found out after a decade of hell with him. It wasn't dv though. If your motives are good op then tell her..

Lemsipper · 15/05/2024 12:08

Id send it 👌🏽 do it 100% anonymously though, u dont want this dangerous man angry with you.

TheHeadOfTheHouse · 15/05/2024 12:06

Some people don’t go googling peoples names etc that’s what’s making me think she doesn’t know.

she might know, I don’t know

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 15/05/2024 12:03

Do you not think she would do her own digging about her new boyfriend especially if his Facebook name is shortened?

LauderSyme · 15/05/2024 12:03

If you found this out after a short amount of investigation then she, or someone closer to her than you, has probably already done the same. So she probably already knows.

I would assume this to be the case anyway, seeing as checking out new partners online seems to be so prevalent these days. I would leave it alone if I were you.

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