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AIBU?

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Would you send this woman a link to the article about her new boyfriend?

113 replies

TheHeadOfTheHouse · 15/05/2024 11:47

A woman I went to school with around 20 odd years ago has started a new relationship and it’s all over Facebook. She’s naturally an over sharer anyway, so even though I haven’t seen her since leaving school I know a lot about her life through Facebook.

Theres been lots of very lovey dovey pictures numerous times a day with this new man. She’s tagging in him everything and I noticed his Facebook name was odd, it’s two words rather than a name. I thought it was abit odd that he wouldn’t have his real name on there, but in his info bit he’d put his name.

So I googled his name and a picture comes up of him in numerous newspaper articles about how he beat a man so badly, the man had to eat through a straw. He got 6 years in prison.

would you message the woman with a link to the article?

she might already know and be ok with it, but if I didn’t know, I would want to know if I was her.

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 15/05/2024 18:10

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 15/05/2024 18:09

https://clares-law.com/can-i-find-out-if-my-partner-boyfriend-husband-has-a-criminal-record/

No, it wouldn't need to be the person in a relationship with that person. From the link above:

Clare’s Law gives you the right to ask about your husband, boyfriend or partner’s backgroundWhether you’re in a heterosexual or same-sex relationship, if you’re worried that your current or former partner has a history of violence, Clare’s Law gives you the right to find out.

You can make an application to the police on your own behalf, or on the behalf of someone else like a friend, relative or neighbour that you think is at risk. Anyone can apply regardless of race, gender identity, ethnicity, sexuality, disability, religion or any other characteristic.

Not someone who you have not bothered with for 20 years though.

OP just wants to virtue signal.

TheHeadOfTheHouse · 15/05/2024 18:10

he is entitled to a relationship, you’re right there.

OP posts:
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 15/05/2024 18:09

Nchanged89 · 15/05/2024 17:10

Not without a clares law request they can't. And it would need to be the person in a relationship with that person.
They can't just turn up and tell someone another person's criminal record on the say so of a phone call to 111.

https://clares-law.com/can-i-find-out-if-my-partner-boyfriend-husband-has-a-criminal-record/

No, it wouldn't need to be the person in a relationship with that person. From the link above:

Clare’s Law gives you the right to ask about your husband, boyfriend or partner’s backgroundWhether you’re in a heterosexual or same-sex relationship, if you’re worried that your current or former partner has a history of violence, Clare’s Law gives you the right to find out.

You can make an application to the police on your own behalf, or on the behalf of someone else like a friend, relative or neighbour that you think is at risk. Anyone can apply regardless of race, gender identity, ethnicity, sexuality, disability, religion or any other characteristic.

KreedKafer · 15/05/2024 18:04

Specialneedsnana · 15/05/2024 17:01

Apologies I meant to say do a Claires law

Why does nobody on bloody Mumsnet understand what Clare's Law is for?

The people who can request information about a person's partner under Clare's Law are:

  • That person
  • That's person's family, close friends or neighbours

'Close friends' does not include random people on Facebook you haven't spoken to for 20 years.

The conviction that the OP is aware of wouldn't come under Clare's Law anyway. It's not domestic violence, coercive control or VAW.

meetmeatsunset · 15/05/2024 18:04

XenoBitch · 15/05/2024 18:00

YABU, you have not given her a second thought for 20 years, and now want to be a black belt level virtue signaller about her new bloke.

She most likely knows already. And like a PP said, ex-prisoners are allowed to go on and try to have a life, including relationships.

This. Living for the drama not from genuine care. It's all gone a bit baby reindeer on this thread.

XenoBitch · 15/05/2024 18:00

YABU, you have not given her a second thought for 20 years, and now want to be a black belt level virtue signaller about her new bloke.

She most likely knows already. And like a PP said, ex-prisoners are allowed to go on and try to have a life, including relationships.

KreedKafer · 15/05/2024 17:57

Snoopystick · 15/05/2024 16:44

I would ring 111, give them the information and let them deal with it. Then you’re not putting your old friend in danger or yourself.

'Man who once went to prison has relationship' is not something that the police can deal with, because a man who once went to prison is perfectly entitled to have whatever relationships he wants.

His conviction is a matter of public record and he has served his sentence (for a crime which was not related to violence against women or domestic abuse) and his relationships are now none of the police's business. There is nothing here for them to 'deal with'.

Having a conviction for a violent offence against another man would not be considered to mean he was a risk to his partner, or to women in general. Plenty of men with a string of criminal convictions for violence against other men would never even dream of laying a finger on a woman, and certainly not their partners.

OP, the fact that, for no reason, you Googled the partner of a woman you haven't seen for 20 years to find out all about him suggests that your interest here is more about nosiness and gossip than anything else.

TheHeadOfTheHouse · 15/05/2024 17:53

There’s no children, she lives on her own.

to the poster who asked if I was sure it’s him, it’s definitely him. He’s got some distinctive features and a not so common name spelt also different from standard

OP posts:
Nchanged89 · 15/05/2024 17:10

Snoopystick · 15/05/2024 16:54

Of course they can.

Not without a clares law request they can't. And it would need to be the person in a relationship with that person.
They can't just turn up and tell someone another person's criminal record on the say so of a phone call to 111.

ButterCrackers · 15/05/2024 17:07

Yellowbananasarebetterthangreen · 15/05/2024 16:34

I would. Because if it was me in this situation and I didnt know but someone else did (whoever they were, regardless of whether I knew them or not) I would want them to tell me.

Agree. It’s best to tell her. It might make it easier as you’ve not involved directly in her friend group

WeeOrcadian · 15/05/2024 17:04

I would, yes

She might be love-blind but I'd make her aware

Specialneedsnana · 15/05/2024 17:01

Apologies I meant to say do a Claires law

LostRider · 15/05/2024 17:01

I always debate this about warning new girlfriends of my abusive ex (verbally and emotionally) who has had a slurry of short term girlfriends pop up in his facebook before several months on all photos are deleted as he is presumably dumped or dumping them... I decide against other than the one that directly followed as I had known her a bit during our time as a couple - she did listen

Snoopystick · 15/05/2024 16:54

Of course they can.

Nchanged89 · 15/05/2024 16:52

Snoopystick · 15/05/2024 16:51

They can look at the Police records and give advice to the OPs friend as appropriate.

No they can't.

Snoopystick · 15/05/2024 16:51

Nchanged89 · 15/05/2024 16:49

What are the police going to do?
Hes been through the court system.

They can look at the Police records and give advice to the OPs friend as appropriate.

Nchanged89 · 15/05/2024 16:49

Snoopystick · 15/05/2024 16:44

I would ring 111, give them the information and let them deal with it. Then you’re not putting your old friend in danger or yourself.

What are the police going to do?
Hes been through the court system.

Snoopystick · 15/05/2024 16:44

I would ring 111, give them the information and let them deal with it. Then you’re not putting your old friend in danger or yourself.

Specialneedsnana · 15/05/2024 16:37

TheHeadOfTheHouse · 15/05/2024 11:47

A woman I went to school with around 20 odd years ago has started a new relationship and it’s all over Facebook. She’s naturally an over sharer anyway, so even though I haven’t seen her since leaving school I know a lot about her life through Facebook.

Theres been lots of very lovey dovey pictures numerous times a day with this new man. She’s tagging in him everything and I noticed his Facebook name was odd, it’s two words rather than a name. I thought it was abit odd that he wouldn’t have his real name on there, but in his info bit he’d put his name.

So I googled his name and a picture comes up of him in numerous newspaper articles about how he beat a man so badly, the man had to eat through a straw. He got 6 years in prison.

would you message the woman with a link to the article?

she might already know and be ok with it, but if I didn’t know, I would want to know if I was her.

I just found the artical. I would tell her anon if possible. Advice to do a claims law as well . Even if she ignores you or gets pissed of at least you have tried

Yellowbananasarebetterthangreen · 15/05/2024 16:34

I would. Because if it was me in this situation and I didnt know but someone else did (whoever they were, regardless of whether I knew them or not) I would want them to tell me.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 15/05/2024 16:26

MN can be very odd sometimes. On another thread posters are expressing amazement that the OP looked someone up on LinkedIn out of curiosity. On this thread most posters are confident that a woman in a new relationship has googled the man. Not everybody does this.

I'm with the people saying get a throwaway email address and send her a brief email with the bare facts and a link to a newspaper report so she can see from the link that it's not phishing. It's not just your schoolfriend who might be at risk here from a violent man - has she got children?

Rickrolypoly · 15/05/2024 16:22

I'm sure she has access to google. If you found this information in 2 minutes and he has spent 6 years in jail then he is probably not hiding it from her?

Pennyandolive · 15/05/2024 16:17

Will you send it frm yr iPhoen? 🤣

Pearlinda · 15/05/2024 16:10

Hermittrismegistus · 15/05/2024 11:49

I would..from an anonymous account. I wouldn't want a violent person knowing my name.

Yeah this is the best solution.

She probably knows though, surely everyone does their online due diligence stalk when they meet someone new.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/05/2024 16:07

Is her mum on fb? Could you send the article to her?

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