All men cheat

It hasn't touched a nerve.

Again, I wonder why this has touched such a nerve for you. And again, that's for you to work through.

My mum used to say you can only ever be 100% certain about yourself.

now that’s not to say you can’t be 99% sure that your husband will never cheat and he probably would never cheat.

Because you seem to not understand either the English language or your capabilities as a mere human being to not be psychic – or both 🤣 No, nothing to work through. I’ve never been cheated on, cheated myself and have never suspected it either.

I wonder why you care so much about this. So much that you're copying and pasting dictionary definitions! 😅 Anyway, that's for you to work through...

I used to work in an industry where people worked away a lot and there were often some social overnight trips / company outings as well. I was often the only woman so they tended to forget I was there.

Of 30 men I would say I knew relatively well over several years the majority cheated. The ones who I thought least likely to cheat seemed to be the most likely to use sex workers.

Many appeared to genuinely love their wives and families and if I hadn’t known I would have said they were decent, moral men.

I can honestly say there is only one who I would wager money against not doing so and I can’t even tell you exactly why I’m sure of him.

Of course, this is only a sample and the working away, industry, peer acceptance, does not mean it’s the norm but I do think many men, if not most, would.

Well, exactly. Do I have complete faith in my husband? Yes. Do I KNOW he would never cheat? Of course not.

I’ll just leave these Oxford definitions here:

Confidence:
the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something.

Belief:
an acceptance that something exists or is true without proof.

Faith:
strong or unshakeable belief in something, esp without proof or evidence.

Come back when the dictionary changes or you develop psychic precognition – whichever happens first.

I'll continue to have confidence in my marriage. Your opinion of that is entirely inconsequential to me.

If you could tell who cheated them no-one would marry them and there'd be no cheating surely?

it's good that you've got faith in your partners but faith is only a belief

You ‘believe’ your husband certainly wouldn’t cheat. That is the distinction.

Look, no part of me is in the ‘all men cheat’ brigade whatsoever. But you’re on the moon and entirely naive if you think you can 100% predict anyone’s each and every action forevermore.

You absolutely cannot. Having solid confidence, betting your life savings on it and saying ‘I believe he would never cheat’ is fine, but only verifiable through your faith in it, and faith is not an absolute truth and it never will be.

Not to mention it’s just plain insulting to any woman who has ever been completely blindsided by the betrayal of their partner.

My husband certainly wouldn't cheat

People talk from their own experiences. She's hurting and basically giving herself a reason to stay - if all men do it why leave.

Ime im leaning more towards her feeling too. This is based on my experiences of marriage and dating.

For starters any statement 'ALL X do Y' is bound to be wrong, because there'll always be the outliers.

More to the point though, I believe men find it much easier than women to separate sex from love. And that's why, given the opportunity and without fear of being found out, most men will stray.

They don't so much see it as being disloyal - at least in the moment - as getting an extra orgasm on the side. That, plus the simple biological fact that sex drive is perhaps the most powerful, innate force in existence. One that is there every second of the day, biologically speaking.

I mean, a majority of the married men I am friends with/ work with are absolutely devoted to their spouses and I don’t think would ever cheat. I also know some absolute bloody tossers, so they probably would.

However, saying that…. A close friend of mine’s husband left her for another woman a few years ago, and I almost passed out in shock. Never in a million years would have called that one. They seemed to have it all, and he seemed genuinely in love with her, got on well with her friends and family etc etc. completely blindsided everyone.

So I guess you just don't know 🤷🏽‍♀️

I think the majority of women/ men who are cheated on are completely blindsided by it. Everyone knows for certain their spouse/ partner would never cheat- until they do. Not all men will cheat, neither will all women but the potential is there, given the right set of circumstances.

I wouldn’t let her negativity ruin your contentment op. She feels sad and I would be mindful about why she is painting all men in this light and why she would undermine your security in your marriage. The type of person that isn’t happy and won’t let anyone else be either.

No one can talk in absolutes. Especially about cheating.

I think she is wrong. But I also don’t believe anyone can 100% know their partner wouldn’t cheat.

People act out of character all the time. Plenty of people think their partner definitely won’t do all manner of things, then get a bad surprise.

Those people felt they knew their partner wouldn’t do something and then were wrong.

This is the best way to be because it allows for a degree of emotional preparedness should it happen. Which I hope it doesn’t to anyone reading this.

The ‘it happened to you but would never happen to me’ kind of comments quite insulting to those of us who have been through it. I think most people would consider me to be sensible, mature and a good judge of character.

I think it would be more accurate to say all men have the potential to cheat.

There's always a danger in imagining a personal conviction - however strongly held - to be knowledge of absolute fact.

It took me a long time to realise that all these women who were so certain he'd never cheat, and he did, felt pretty much the same as I did and to an extent still do. It's not that my conviction was better or stronger or more reliable than theirs. Some of them had more reason than I had to believe it!

That's why I stopped thinking I knew and changed it to being as sure as I can possibly be and willing to take actions of commitment on it. But I can't absolutely know.

I never thought mine would, we were the happiest couple I knew (I thought) plus he was the most extreme introvert you could imagine.

All I'd say is make sure you'd be financially ok if it happened.

But doesn't everyone think her husband will not cheat?
I never thought mine would, so we had the best marriage, but he did. And some.

I think you're right actually when the opportunity comes out of the blue. Most people don't have the courage or can manage the logistics, or are taken aback and panic.
I think there's far more danger in the slow creeper. The colleague who becomes a friend, a close friend, an emotional affair, an 'if only we weren't married', to feelings that outweigh their usual caution morality and loyalty. People who KNOW their partner would never cheat are in the greatest danger here. Because they're the ones who wouldn't question the new friendship, believe they're where they say they are etc. People who at least entertain the possibility are often more likely to see the warnings.