Page 2 | As a toddler mum, to ask for advice re parenting teenagers

Squabblingsquirrels · 2024-05-15T07:36:16+00:00

I've a 2yo so some time to go but felt so wildly unprepared in hindsight for becoming a mother. As my DC gets older and parenting shifts, AIBU to ask what I should be thinking about over next decade to help with pre-teen/teen years?

Namechangedasouting987 · 15/05/2024 10:17

Wizadora2 · 15/05/2024 10:09

Sorry for being dense, but what does this look like? Being friendly and approachable but firm about the rules? If you could give an example pls.
Struggling with pre teens/teens here.
Think we have crossed over to the best friend parent in an attempt to build connection. (Neither of us had close emotional relationships with our parents so kind of parented the opposite of way but I don’t think we have the right balance.)

Show quote history

Set non negotiable rules.
For instance: no one gets in a car with anyone who has any drunk alcohol
The approachable bit: whatever time of day or night if you are in this situation call.me and I will pick you up.
I was interested in their lives. But didn't crowd them.
When younger teens we had 'phone free' days on the holidays
We always sat down for meals together at a table with no devices
I talked to them early and regularly (when it came up) about drugs, alcohol, smoking/ vaping, sexual consent, seeing/ receiving/ sending/ storing daft photos people sent of their body parts etc etc.
They were not allowed on social media before the ages it was permitted
I didn't allow cert 18 games and films until they were 18. Ditto 15.
But I was loving and always emotionally available.
They have done fine. Some MH issues, mainly centered around the pandemic. But otherwise great kids.
And I always say that it's fine to not need me/ contact me from uni. But that if they do need me I will always always be there.

Original poster

Squabblingsquirrels · 15/05/2024 10:12

VeronicaBeccabunga · 15/05/2024 09:21

Raise your child with love but also with boundaries. Be firm but fair: keep your promises and carry out your threats.
Share the fun and also the serious stuff. Let them know that they can absolutely depend and rely on you, come what may, have their backs. But expect them to live up to your high standards.
I always say my family was a sort of benign socialist dictatorship - from each according to their ability, to each according to their needs 😀

This is excellent, thank you. Need to consider what it looks like for our child/family.

A slightly off topic question but what were your rules around sleep with your youngsters when they were small - ie in their own beds, when they woke at night etc?

OP posts:

Wizadora2 · 15/05/2024 10:09

Alltheshoes74 · 15/05/2024 09:51

This 100% - no best friend parenting. Let the kids know they are loved but there are rules and consequences. Have 2 older teens and its not let us down so far!

Show quote history

Sorry for being dense, but what does this look like? Being friendly and approachable but firm about the rules? If you could give an example pls.
Struggling with pre teens/teens here.
Think we have crossed over to the best friend parent in an attempt to build connection. (Neither of us had close emotional relationships with our parents so kind of parented the opposite of way but I don’t think we have the right balance.)

massistar · 15/05/2024 09:54

VeronicaBeccabunga · 15/05/2024 09:21

Raise your child with love but also with boundaries. Be firm but fair: keep your promises and carry out your threats.
Share the fun and also the serious stuff. Let them know that they can absolutely depend and rely on you, come what may, have their backs. But expect them to live up to your high standards.
I always say my family was a sort of benign socialist dictatorship - from each according to their ability, to each according to their needs 😀

I absolutely love this and would echo it.

Alltheshoes74 · 15/05/2024 09:51

VeronicaBeccabunga · 15/05/2024 09:21

Raise your child with love but also with boundaries. Be firm but fair: keep your promises and carry out your threats.
Share the fun and also the serious stuff. Let them know that they can absolutely depend and rely on you, come what may, have their backs. But expect them to live up to your high standards.
I always say my family was a sort of benign socialist dictatorship - from each according to their ability, to each according to their needs 😀

This 100% - no best friend parenting. Let the kids know they are loved but there are rules and consequences. Have 2 older teens and its not let us down so far!

VeronicaBeccabunga · 15/05/2024 09:21

Raise your child with love but also with boundaries. Be firm but fair: keep your promises and carry out your threats.
Share the fun and also the serious stuff. Let them know that they can absolutely depend and rely on you, come what may, have their backs. But expect them to live up to your high standards.
I always say my family was a sort of benign socialist dictatorship - from each according to their ability, to each according to their needs 😀