Cost of therapy

I think that says a lot...

The situation is complicated.

Psychodynamic therapy is traditionally 5 days a week so twice a week isn't unreasonable for that tradition.

If he earns the lions share of the joint money then maybe you could argue for a different financial set up where you both pay towards joint bills in proportion to your earnings and then the therapy cost comes out of "his" money and you can spend "your" money in takeaways.

I also agree that more therapy is not the answer.
I have long term clients but we review a lot, look at goals, reflect, needs, look at endings if appropriate and always work towards this.
A good therapist will give their client the time and space they need but will also recognise when it has gone beyond therapeutic.
Is he using his therapy so he doesn't have to bring stress etc home OP?

Would it be an option for him to try a different form of therapy?

PPs have correctly pointed out that psychoanalysis can be very long term and may be done multiple times per week instead of the standard once per week with most other treatments. It's possible that he could access the same benefits with a different form of therapy but it depends on why he is in psychoanalysis in the first place.

Right so he doesn't exercise willingly-which is well proven to help depression-and he won't look for another job. I have lost some sympathy. I would definitely not be giving up takeaways and holidays to enable his self soothing.

That is not a fact.

Many people who have psychoanalytic psychotherapy will go 2 or 3 times a week. People in traditional psychoanalysis will go 5 times a week. Nothing insane about it at all. It's not the same as seeing a short term counsellor / therapist.

Yes, is it at all possible to change his job? I assume not.

Perhaps he wouldn’t need to talk about his work stress or depression quite so much if he wasn’t spending £7,000+ a year on a therapist and could cut his work hours or find a less stressful job and give himself more time to focus on his wellbeing through relaxation and exercise.

This is a really interesting thread, so many different experiences of therapy, and different types of therapy, it is difficult to compare like with like really.

Person centred psychotherapy once a week for 6 months is a totally treatment/way of working from e.g. 5 years of 3 to 5 times a week of psychoanalysis/psychoanalytic psychotherapy.

None of us are talking about the same thing.

I have had many years of intensive analytic therapy. My analyst's purpose is definitely not to validate nor soothe me.

Her purposes is to help me know all the parts of myself, as well as to know reality - which can be painful to accept - and to be with me to help me bear it.

As such, it has been one of the most painful and yet valuable experiences of my life.

I always laugh when people talk about therapy being to soothe/validate/allow people to navel gaze. I wish!

You might become his soother if he cuts down.

This.

He gets to talk about himself and be vakidated and soothed for 1or 2 hours a week. And has done for 10 years with no objective evidence it's helpful other than he says it makes him feel better.

Which is likely just the placebo effect. I'd imagine most people would feel better if they had undivided attention on their woes for an hour or more a week.

What matters is is it actually leading to any kind of improvement? Sounds like it isn't so it's just a very expensive habit.

I spend an insane amount on therapy too but it’s been life changing, I’m two years in and over two years I’ve had 60 sessions. They’re £90 a session. There was one week where I needed two sessions out of the two years. Otherwise it’s just too much for me to process. It’s been an exhausting time too and I need to take a break from it to process/put into practice and just rest as it’s intensive.

But twice a week for 10 years I’d struggle to get the benefit. Not enough time in between to process what you’re learning.

If it's working I'd be inclined to agree but £7k per year and ten years of therapy and not much in the way of progress?

Something isn't right. Time to look at alternatives.

Well put. This was my experience with a family member. NOT one with serious PTSD but simply one whose friends and family had got tired of listening to her moan about tiny things like losing her stuff or not being chosen for a job. She became completely co dependant with her therapist.

In what way was she questioning her diagnosis? What was her explanation for the symptoms? Was she implying they were MH related rather than ADHD?

If he’d been having any other kind of medical treatment weekly for a decade with no discernible improvement to his symptoms and no plan for seeking an alternative, we’d all be questioning the practitioner, the efficacy of their treatment, and advising him to seek alternative opinions elsewhere. This is no different.

Frankly I’d also want to establish what it is he actually talks about. You’re his life partner and he’s spending family money. If he’s spending every week wanging on about the usual sort of day to day troubles the majority of people have in their lives as if they make his life exceptionally depressing, with a therapist encouraging him to visit more frequently then yes, he’s just a self-centred navel-gazer and they’re a charlatan.

I rang the BPS a few years ago when my daughter's school psychologist was questioning her physiatrists diagnosis of ADHD. They were very helpful. You can ring up confidentially and get their advice - like maybe asking them about this long term relationship he has that has moved to two sessions a week which I think most people agree seems a lot. At least you will get someone qualified's perspective on your concerns.
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Counsellor here. Financial exploitation by counsellors in private practice is common, sadly. I bet your DH is using the space to vent (which is helpful to him) and no therapy is going on, which the therapist will be very aware of. Twice weekly therapy is also generally not advised, by the way. I think you just need to have an honest conversation with him - good luck.

Or it could be the therapist just sees pound signs with the DH and wants a yacht...

Its unethical to have a patient become so reliant on them that they make no progress.