Cost of therapy

I suppose if he is so good, maybe the therapy helps. I am not being sarcastic.

I'm glad he's good in so many other ways.

Remember that it is ok for you to express concerns and opinions on anything too though.

£7 a year over 10 years is £70k. That therapist is laughing all the way to the bank.

I’m not saying a good therapist isn’t worth it - they are. I’m saying just like any profession you will get some who milk the cash cow.

This man seems to have no deep rooted issues/trauma from what OP has said, just low level depression, and 10 years of therapy hasn’t helped it. His wife isn’t seeing a change and the therapist doesn’t appear to be doing proper reviews. It’s sounding pretty unethical to me.

Time to take stock, review and make some actual changes. Therapy shouldn’t be a weekly moan about life.

£7k a year is about £70 a session twice a week. Some city center therapists I know cost £90 a session while others in posh post codes cost a lot more. Agree the question to be answered is is it actually helping the man.there has to be a vested interest on the part of the therapist for keeping him on for the cash flow

So, I've been thinking a lot about this thread. I'm in therapy now and was in it for four years, prior to the birth of my first DC. I went on an immediate hiatus with that first therapist and didn't look back. I had gotten into a phase with her where I didn't really know how to end it so we just carried on and on and on.

All of that said, I think there are some people who do need therapy for ten years and maybe more than once a week. For example, if the OP is married to Charles Spencer I'd tell her to let him crack on, having listened to A Very Private School.

Even after the OPs updates I'm still feeling there's not good communication between them as to what the therapy is really about.

10 years in therapy is a long time. I was in (NHS) therapy for 5, but there were goals and end points to work towards.

he’s been in full time therapy for 10 years! I think op has been very supportive.

I think you need to have a budget for joint stuff (need and joint fun) and then a budget for 'me stuff'

He might think your Botox or horse riding or manicures or theatre trips with your pals or Uber habits are a waste, but you wouldn't want him to comment - this can only work if you have some 'just for me to spend how i like' money in the budget

I know they’re not, but we should be able to offload to our friends as we do our partners, a space where we feel accepted and heard. ‘Offload’ being the word you used to describe what you believe is going on in those sessions. And that’s not what therapy is about, but believe me, lots of clients love that space to vent and don’t mind paying for it. The unpalatable truth is that some therapists in private practice only give a shit about getting their clients through their doors for financial gain, similarly with some trainee therapists, so they can get their hours to qualify. There has to be therapeutic change going on, regardless of the modality. His therapist never doing reviews to me speaks volumes about their ethical stance.

I could give you a very long answer to the questions here but essentially two sessions a week of psychotherapy will be working at real depth. It will likely be working with very deep rooted issues and patterns of relating. It's difficult to explain unless you have ever been in therapy. Some people benefit from 6 weeks of CBT; many people do not because they are dealing with long term issues and trauma.

It's not for you to decide the value of therapy for your husband BUT it's okay to look at how family money is spent and make an agreement about that.

So if he had more distractions outside of work, he might be able to cut down or eventually stop the therapy? But as you have said he doesn't seem interested in doing things other than work, therapy and tv and doesn't want to change anything.

I think that's your problem. He doesn't want to change anything about his life - not his job, the therapy, his hobbies. The therapy is just one expensive part of the jigsaw.

What does your therapist have to say about this?

But is he talking to them the way he talks to the therapist?

Effectively though it's surely for DH to decide himself how best to manage his health.

Why are you so attached the idea that DH cannot have therapy forever if that is what he wants to do OP?

I have been accused of saying this too often on MN, but my god, he sounds hard work. I assume you don't have DC or he wouldn't have time for all this navelgazing. Do you ever plan to?

I am not saying you should leave him but all this narcissism and self absorption must leave very little time for you.

How does he cope when the therapist goes on holiday or it's Christmas and he doesn't misses a couple of weeks of therapy?

He has a job with a good income.

That doesn't mean he isn't self-absorbed and spending money on a clearly ineffective 'therapy'.

He'd possibly carry on in his 'stressful job' without the therapist soothing him every week because that's his source of income.

The point is, he hasn't tried. And won't exercise or do anything else that is proven to help depression. Or get another job which may be less stressful. Or try any other therapy or therapist.

He wants to offload to someone every week for 10 years and be soothed by them while spending all his free time on the sofa watching TV because he's 'depressed and in therapy'.

He's a drain on the OP and their finances.

OP isn't being a bitch wanting to see some kind of benefit from the drain on their finances.

In psychoanalytical therapy the patient initiales the ending, not the therapist (unless they are retiring or moving away).
To those saying it encourages a victim mind set, that is not true; the therapist will challenge the person about why they see themselves as the victim/what role they play in allowing other people to take advantage of them etc.