Terrified of flying

People discussing accidents etc - stop! OP asked for assurance. Maybe take your disagreement about this elsewhere.

To add: I've never had a bad flight. I've done two hours, four hours, nine hours and eleven hours. I've experienced medium turbulence which made me take another diazepam but I made it. You will too.

I think you should have taken this issue on board as soon as the flights were booked.
I am terrified of flying. I get diazepam from the GP well in advance to take on the day, have done for years even with huge gaps in between. You could have done a course with the airline. There are videos you can watch which explains how flights work. In a way I’m glad you're not going with your kids, as you don't know how you'll be at the time.
You still have a little bit of time to research to put your mind at ease, I'd suggest you do that.

In answer to your second point: why bother with safety briefing pre-flight? It's because emergency evacuations do sometimes (vanishingly rarely) happen, and it's an attempt to drum into brains what to do in that event, (albeit you're pretty much fucked anyway if the plane actually crashes).

In an emergency situation, a lot of people don't act normally, even completely sober people. We're told, repeatedly, about how to open an airline seatbelt, because in an emergency situation, people may be so terrified/in shock that they freeze and their mind goes blank. Corpses are often found in doomed planes with scratch marks over the stomach where people have tried and failed to undo their seat belts.

These same, sober, terrified people may also freeze and block exits or block others from leaving their seats. Or dither around getting bags out from overhead lockers, because they're in shock and can't cope with the terrifying situation.

The safety briefings are there to teach your conscious and subconscious mind what to do in an emergency situation. Because many will be acting/not-acting subconsciously.

Read Deep Survival by Laurence Gonzales if you'd like to learn more.

Average number of flights per day, so far in 2024, is 97,215.

Multiply by 365 = 35,483,475 per annum, approximately.

According to Wiki, around 30 emergency flight evacuations per annum.

30 as a percentage of 35,483,475 is 0.00008% (approx).

Also known as 'vanishingly rare'.

Sources:
https://www.oag.com/airline-frequency-and-capacity-statistics#:~:text=SCHEDULED%20FLIGHT%20COUNTER&text=With%2013%2C610%2C228%20flights%20in%20total,flights%20per%20day%20is%2097%2C215.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emergency_aircraft_evacuation

Of course the fear of flying courses help. Nearly everyone who is afraid of flying is afraid because of lack of control. That’s what the courses address.
Why dismiss something without investigating?

@VestibuleVirgin But it is vanishingly rare when you consider how many planes take off and land every minute of every day across the world.

And yes, I've seen every episode of Aircrash Investigation and subscribe to Mentour Pilot on YouTube. I am very much a plane geek. I also happen to live 20 mins from Gatwick airport 😂

The best thing we can do as passengers is take control of the things we can control. Choose an airline with an excellent safety rating, don't choose a night flight (if possible), fly in the summer for the best chance of good visibility etc.

Vanishingly rare? Do you not watch the news? Do you know there is a whole series of programmes dedicated to air accident investigations?
If the possibility is vanishingly rare, why bother with safety briefing pre-flight?
Yes, people do get drunk/ drugged to fly: and again, they cause issues with evacuation.

Why would you book a holiday if you know it will cause you this aniexty and stress due to your fear?

OP is this about flying, or something else? You say you keep thinking about leaving your toddler - is it the first time you’ve left him/her?

as for the actual phobia, I found helpful

1. videos on the noises the planes make
2. alcohol/drugs
3. pretending I wasn’t on a plane lol

Flying is like driving. apparently turbulence is similar to going over potholes in a car. Landing is like when you try to park, get it slightly wrong and have to try again. It’s not dangerous, just annoying.

An aborted takeoff (happened to us once…) is like pulling out of your driveway, noticing a warning light on the dashboard and parking while you check what turns out to be something simple like you didn’t close the boot properly.

so I closed the blinds and just pretended I was in a car instead.

@itsgoingtobeabumpyride absolutely crying at the image of you doing that

I'm terrified too OP. We have a special holiday booked in November to the Seychelles - not one but two flights! And I'm already feeling very nervous and it's not for months

I don't drink alcohol either. So if I can't get hold of diazepam then I'll try Sturgeon. I'm also deliberating a fear of flying course - the online one isn't too OTT in terms of cost

Really? The majority of people have absolutely no anxiety about flying? That would surprise me tbh

I have a horrific fear of flying - didn’t fly for a decade, even driving near an airport used to make me start having a panic attack.

The only thing that worked for me is facing the fear. I don’t enjoy flying, I am terrified the whole time but I listen to a meditation the whole flight and I survive it. Every time I survive it, my fear goes down a tiny notch.

I really do empathize, it is hard 💙

In my experience, alcohol is the only thing which works to stop me feeling terrified about flying - take-off, turbulence, whatever. I'm fine after a couple of drinks.

This is wholly unrelated to c**ts on stag parties causing aggro on flights to Magaluf.

Just read your post, if it helps, I work in the aero sector, for over 20 years, and am involved directly in the design of critical systems for all sorts of aircraft. There is so much that goes in to aircraft design and so many people involved in the process, I happily fly knowing that even with some news stories, and there have been some bad practice in certain places, there are are 1000's of engineers and technicians who are working hard and keeping flying the safest mode of transport. We do take it seriously, I hope that gives you a bit of comfort, flying is very reliable and safe, go enjoy your holiday :)

I love flying, so I’m no help.
But people are scared of flying for different reasons. Some people are freaked out by the physics: how can the plane stay in the air? Other people feel claustrophobic: several hours in a metal tube that you can’t leave until it gets to its destination. And for some it’s the unfamiliar noises and smells and occasional turbulence: it just feels weird and wrong.

I think if you know why you hate flying it will help you to begin to address it. Your GP might be able to help with medication. Therapy might be useful. Or one of the fear of flying sessions if you live near an airport where that’s available. Alcohol is NOT a helpful solution at 35,000 feet.

What’s the main issue for you, OP?

I'm also terrified of flying but force myself to do it.
I've never had a bad / scary flight but I hate takeoff, sweating, feel sick etc.
When I board the plane I check the rivets around the door then I say out loud "check the rivets" (work in the rail industry, I know a good rivet 😄)
When we land I say out loud (shout) "reverse thrusters" just in case the pilot forgets.
Dsis thought I'd lost my marbles the first time she heard my rituals but hey, I'm still here.
I'm not joking btw, I actually do this every flight.
Don't drink any alcohol, once your up in the air you'll hopefully relax, take a pillow and some trashy mags.

I've just been on my first flight abroad for six years, covid was very convenient for me as I hate flying. I knew we had to go however as I couldn't take my DH's disappointment at having to cancel the beautiful holiday because of my irrational fears. The flights there and back were smooth. The things that triggered my anxiety the most were the cabin noise and I kept jumping at the call bells the cabin crew were using, however they were just buzzing eachother to check how many cheese toasties were left 😂

I was much calmer on the way out as I had a few drinks, the way back I did cry but the airport was stressful and I really just wanted to get back to my little one and dog. I convinced myself that it just didn't feel right but honestly it was absolutely fine, just a noisy flight with loads of people chatting and demanding toasties 😂 But really, it was a smooth flight. I read a book a few years ago and one thing I did was write on my book 'if I can still read this it is not yet time to panic' and just focused on that anytime I felt it rising.

Weird thing is when I was younger I really didn't care, since learning to drive, having a child etc it really just feels like a control thing. I have no control over it therefore it scares me.

Mine is definitely about the control too @Motheroffourdragons

I found this link and there’s a section with a video on the noises. That is the point the blood always runs from my face when it’s just the wheels going down or something 🙄

https://online.flyingwithconfidence.com/

That’s a ridiculous thing to say. Alcohol does not reduce anxiety. What do you think causes all the fights on planes and flights being unable to take off- ALCOHOL!

Ps. As a family we've flown a lot recently . All completely calm and enjoyable ..the views out of the window can be incredible !

Also tell the crew if you're nervous as they can look out for you and tell you if they are expecting turbulence etc