Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that people living longer is making quality of life for everyone worse?

640 replies

Futurascope · 14/05/2024 22:04

Possibly controversial…,

https://www.itv.com/news/2024-05-14/one-in-three-councils-not-confident-they-can-provide-basic-adult-social-care

“The fears about meeting the legal requirements come despite eight out of 10 councils forecasting having to cut spending on other community services such as parks, libraries and leisure centres to try to protect funding”.

So - libraries, leisure centres, parks, all vital for young children, families and others - being closed because the elderly desperately need social care.

As awful as it is for us all individually to lose somebody that we love….. is curing every disease, and having us all live to 100 really a good thing if it is at the expense of quality of life for the rest of society?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
YourPithyLilacSheep · 18/05/2024 12:02

Wonderful post @MistressoftheDarkSide Thank you.

pam290358 · 18/05/2024 11:29

Uniqueusername2 · 18/05/2024 05:11

No, not performing open heart surgery on a 95 year old, when elsewhere funding cuts mean there’s no ambulance to save the life of a dying child. I’m talking about sensible resource allocation, not killing people

No, you’re advocating killing older people to save younger ones. That’s what this muddled thinking amounts to. We’re squabbling for crumbs off the table of the rich and being duped into thinking there aren’t enough resources to go around. ‘Trickle down economics’ doesn’t work while the richest 1% are sucking up all the resources. Unless we address that, we won’t get anywhere.

Rishi Sunak’s speech on welfare reform is one of the most divisive things I’ve ever heard, and is designed with the same thing in mind - making the British public think that there aren’t enough resources to properly support the sick, the disabled and the vulnerable, and sowing the seeds of discontent by suggesting that benefit fraud is out of control, and advocating cutting loose the sick and disabled from the crucial benefits they receive to mitigate the huge cost of disability. These are ideological cuts and not remotely necessary, but convincing the public that we can’t afford it as a country means they can pull the rug out from under the most vulnerable with no real opposition. Sheeple. Baaaaaaaaaa !!!

Rosscameasdoody · 18/05/2024 11:21

Uniqueusername2 · 18/05/2024 05:11

No, not performing open heart surgery on a 95 year old, when elsewhere funding cuts mean there’s no ambulance to save the life of a dying child. I’m talking about sensible resource allocation, not killing people

What leads you to think that denying open heart surgery to a 95 year old would necessarily mean there’s no ambulance for this dying child ? Do you really think this is how funding is allocated ?

Rosscameasdoody · 18/05/2024 11:18

MistressoftheDarkSide · 18/05/2024 09:32

I've been posting on the assisted dying thread. It's a very emotive topic. And I've explained my conflicted thoughts around it.

What is setting off alarm bells for me is a sudden uptick in general of open discourse over the "problem" of lack of resources all round, and the pointing at vulnerable groups - the poor in general, the sick, the elderly, the disabled - as the root cause.

It's all being carefully dressed up of course in terms of supporting policies that will actually help them of course - encouraging people to work because it's good for them and will cure their mental health issues for example - to be achieved perhaps by substituting money for vouchers for therapy or other immediate needs.

There is a seed being planted and encouraged to grow in the mainstream that state dependency is more about lack of resilience and personal responsibility than demonstrating the knock on effects the effects of living in a fast paced, ever changing modern world that has irrevocably changed the employment landscape, made housing an asset over providing secure homes, encourages atomisation and division of society and economically means it's incredibly difficult to survive without asking for state assistance for a rapidly growing number of people.

While the OP of this thread may have been genuinely interested in a philosophical debate around the issues of whether all the progress made to address all the ills of society has indeed improved things, or created new problems of its own, it has quickly turned to a discussion of worthiness in terms of application of that progress from an economic point of view.

Talk of pragmatism, hard choices, people having to "take one for the team" and accept the results of engineered economic policies means if you are even (hopefully) temporarily disadvantaged you are "part of the problem". You are supposed to feel guilt and shame and be striving to avoid "taking".

There's alot of weasalling going on. The dehumanisation is meant to bring those who "don't really need" the state assistance they are entitled to, yer have had to prove they are via means testing and often humiliating medical scrutiny, to the realisation that they are taking from the even more vulnerable. It's not the government's fault.

The poor government has so much to deal with, what with being hamstrung by global affairs, and making sure money goes where it is really due - into the pockets of those whose pockets already overflow.

Why have we bothered to strive for progress over the last couple of centuries at all? If you really overthink (as I am unfortunately wont to do) what is / has been the point of trying to improve things at all? It's just created its own issues so back to simple survival of the fittest - and richest - seems to be gathering popularity.

It appeals to the worst facets of human nature, capitalises on desperation and flies in the face of decades of encouragement to nurture better mental health and create a more equitable society.

Ideologies are spread at dizzying speed due to the advent of technology which should be used to improve things for all (where is my flying car?) yet it is used more for propaganda, the promoting of division by culture wars and honing the tools of actual war than anything else.

But what I'm really getting at is that we are being encouraged to think this is just the law of unintended consequences and that there is no agenda. And we have to just "do our bit" at the bottom of the heap to improve things, which now seems to be to consider ourselves "drains on society" if we don't have a six figure salary. Which overlooks that apparently, according to some on MN on those salaries are also feeling the pinch.

None of this makes any sense. We keep calm and carry on (mostly) with less and less idea of where we're going as a species in general, but also economically.

The daily cognitive dissonance brought about by just existing is dizzying.

I know what I'm getting at, but it's so complex I'd better shut up and go and make my Dad his breakfast. At least that's one thing I can achieve with guaranteed success.

Absolutely spot on. Fabulous post - nails the whole crux of the problem.

Livingtothefull · 18/05/2024 10:29

MistressoftheDarkSide · 18/05/2024 09:32

I've been posting on the assisted dying thread. It's a very emotive topic. And I've explained my conflicted thoughts around it.

What is setting off alarm bells for me is a sudden uptick in general of open discourse over the "problem" of lack of resources all round, and the pointing at vulnerable groups - the poor in general, the sick, the elderly, the disabled - as the root cause.

It's all being carefully dressed up of course in terms of supporting policies that will actually help them of course - encouraging people to work because it's good for them and will cure their mental health issues for example - to be achieved perhaps by substituting money for vouchers for therapy or other immediate needs.

There is a seed being planted and encouraged to grow in the mainstream that state dependency is more about lack of resilience and personal responsibility than demonstrating the knock on effects the effects of living in a fast paced, ever changing modern world that has irrevocably changed the employment landscape, made housing an asset over providing secure homes, encourages atomisation and division of society and economically means it's incredibly difficult to survive without asking for state assistance for a rapidly growing number of people.

While the OP of this thread may have been genuinely interested in a philosophical debate around the issues of whether all the progress made to address all the ills of society has indeed improved things, or created new problems of its own, it has quickly turned to a discussion of worthiness in terms of application of that progress from an economic point of view.

Talk of pragmatism, hard choices, people having to "take one for the team" and accept the results of engineered economic policies means if you are even (hopefully) temporarily disadvantaged you are "part of the problem". You are supposed to feel guilt and shame and be striving to avoid "taking".

There's alot of weasalling going on. The dehumanisation is meant to bring those who "don't really need" the state assistance they are entitled to, yer have had to prove they are via means testing and often humiliating medical scrutiny, to the realisation that they are taking from the even more vulnerable. It's not the government's fault.

The poor government has so much to deal with, what with being hamstrung by global affairs, and making sure money goes where it is really due - into the pockets of those whose pockets already overflow.

Why have we bothered to strive for progress over the last couple of centuries at all? If you really overthink (as I am unfortunately wont to do) what is / has been the point of trying to improve things at all? It's just created its own issues so back to simple survival of the fittest - and richest - seems to be gathering popularity.

It appeals to the worst facets of human nature, capitalises on desperation and flies in the face of decades of encouragement to nurture better mental health and create a more equitable society.

Ideologies are spread at dizzying speed due to the advent of technology which should be used to improve things for all (where is my flying car?) yet it is used more for propaganda, the promoting of division by culture wars and honing the tools of actual war than anything else.

But what I'm really getting at is that we are being encouraged to think this is just the law of unintended consequences and that there is no agenda. And we have to just "do our bit" at the bottom of the heap to improve things, which now seems to be to consider ourselves "drains on society" if we don't have a six figure salary. Which overlooks that apparently, according to some on MN on those salaries are also feeling the pinch.

None of this makes any sense. We keep calm and carry on (mostly) with less and less idea of where we're going as a species in general, but also economically.

The daily cognitive dissonance brought about by just existing is dizzying.

I know what I'm getting at, but it's so complex I'd better shut up and go and make my Dad his breakfast. At least that's one thing I can achieve with guaranteed success.

Superb post @MistressoftheDarkSide , thank you.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 18/05/2024 09:49

MistressoftheDarkSide · 18/05/2024 09:32

I've been posting on the assisted dying thread. It's a very emotive topic. And I've explained my conflicted thoughts around it.

What is setting off alarm bells for me is a sudden uptick in general of open discourse over the "problem" of lack of resources all round, and the pointing at vulnerable groups - the poor in general, the sick, the elderly, the disabled - as the root cause.

It's all being carefully dressed up of course in terms of supporting policies that will actually help them of course - encouraging people to work because it's good for them and will cure their mental health issues for example - to be achieved perhaps by substituting money for vouchers for therapy or other immediate needs.

There is a seed being planted and encouraged to grow in the mainstream that state dependency is more about lack of resilience and personal responsibility than demonstrating the knock on effects the effects of living in a fast paced, ever changing modern world that has irrevocably changed the employment landscape, made housing an asset over providing secure homes, encourages atomisation and division of society and economically means it's incredibly difficult to survive without asking for state assistance for a rapidly growing number of people.

While the OP of this thread may have been genuinely interested in a philosophical debate around the issues of whether all the progress made to address all the ills of society has indeed improved things, or created new problems of its own, it has quickly turned to a discussion of worthiness in terms of application of that progress from an economic point of view.

Talk of pragmatism, hard choices, people having to "take one for the team" and accept the results of engineered economic policies means if you are even (hopefully) temporarily disadvantaged you are "part of the problem". You are supposed to feel guilt and shame and be striving to avoid "taking".

There's alot of weasalling going on. The dehumanisation is meant to bring those who "don't really need" the state assistance they are entitled to, yer have had to prove they are via means testing and often humiliating medical scrutiny, to the realisation that they are taking from the even more vulnerable. It's not the government's fault.

The poor government has so much to deal with, what with being hamstrung by global affairs, and making sure money goes where it is really due - into the pockets of those whose pockets already overflow.

Why have we bothered to strive for progress over the last couple of centuries at all? If you really overthink (as I am unfortunately wont to do) what is / has been the point of trying to improve things at all? It's just created its own issues so back to simple survival of the fittest - and richest - seems to be gathering popularity.

It appeals to the worst facets of human nature, capitalises on desperation and flies in the face of decades of encouragement to nurture better mental health and create a more equitable society.

Ideologies are spread at dizzying speed due to the advent of technology which should be used to improve things for all (where is my flying car?) yet it is used more for propaganda, the promoting of division by culture wars and honing the tools of actual war than anything else.

But what I'm really getting at is that we are being encouraged to think this is just the law of unintended consequences and that there is no agenda. And we have to just "do our bit" at the bottom of the heap to improve things, which now seems to be to consider ourselves "drains on society" if we don't have a six figure salary. Which overlooks that apparently, according to some on MN on those salaries are also feeling the pinch.

None of this makes any sense. We keep calm and carry on (mostly) with less and less idea of where we're going as a species in general, but also economically.

The daily cognitive dissonance brought about by just existing is dizzying.

I know what I'm getting at, but it's so complex I'd better shut up and go and make my Dad his breakfast. At least that's one thing I can achieve with guaranteed success.

Thank you, that’s a wonderful post.
I hope your dad enjoys his breakfast.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 18/05/2024 09:32

Fargo79 · 18/05/2024 07:48

There are enough resources. They are misappropriated by the elite, stolen and handed over to the mates of our corrupt government etc. But rarely do we see anyone advocating for this to be addressed; just for vulnerable groups to be cast adrift to plug the gaps created by poor policy and greed.

There is no reason why a 95 year old who has been assessed to have a good chance of surviving surgery and recovering a decent quality of life should be denied surgery. And there's no reason why this should mean that a child wouldn't receive the life saving care they need.

I've been posting on the assisted dying thread. It's a very emotive topic. And I've explained my conflicted thoughts around it.

What is setting off alarm bells for me is a sudden uptick in general of open discourse over the "problem" of lack of resources all round, and the pointing at vulnerable groups - the poor in general, the sick, the elderly, the disabled - as the root cause.

It's all being carefully dressed up of course in terms of supporting policies that will actually help them of course - encouraging people to work because it's good for them and will cure their mental health issues for example - to be achieved perhaps by substituting money for vouchers for therapy or other immediate needs.

There is a seed being planted and encouraged to grow in the mainstream that state dependency is more about lack of resilience and personal responsibility than demonstrating the knock on effects the effects of living in a fast paced, ever changing modern world that has irrevocably changed the employment landscape, made housing an asset over providing secure homes, encourages atomisation and division of society and economically means it's incredibly difficult to survive without asking for state assistance for a rapidly growing number of people.

While the OP of this thread may have been genuinely interested in a philosophical debate around the issues of whether all the progress made to address all the ills of society has indeed improved things, or created new problems of its own, it has quickly turned to a discussion of worthiness in terms of application of that progress from an economic point of view.

Talk of pragmatism, hard choices, people having to "take one for the team" and accept the results of engineered economic policies means if you are even (hopefully) temporarily disadvantaged you are "part of the problem". You are supposed to feel guilt and shame and be striving to avoid "taking".

There's alot of weasalling going on. The dehumanisation is meant to bring those who "don't really need" the state assistance they are entitled to, yer have had to prove they are via means testing and often humiliating medical scrutiny, to the realisation that they are taking from the even more vulnerable. It's not the government's fault.

The poor government has so much to deal with, what with being hamstrung by global affairs, and making sure money goes where it is really due - into the pockets of those whose pockets already overflow.

Why have we bothered to strive for progress over the last couple of centuries at all? If you really overthink (as I am unfortunately wont to do) what is / has been the point of trying to improve things at all? It's just created its own issues so back to simple survival of the fittest - and richest - seems to be gathering popularity.

It appeals to the worst facets of human nature, capitalises on desperation and flies in the face of decades of encouragement to nurture better mental health and create a more equitable society.

Ideologies are spread at dizzying speed due to the advent of technology which should be used to improve things for all (where is my flying car?) yet it is used more for propaganda, the promoting of division by culture wars and honing the tools of actual war than anything else.

But what I'm really getting at is that we are being encouraged to think this is just the law of unintended consequences and that there is no agenda. And we have to just "do our bit" at the bottom of the heap to improve things, which now seems to be to consider ourselves "drains on society" if we don't have a six figure salary. Which overlooks that apparently, according to some on MN on those salaries are also feeling the pinch.

None of this makes any sense. We keep calm and carry on (mostly) with less and less idea of where we're going as a species in general, but also economically.

The daily cognitive dissonance brought about by just existing is dizzying.

I know what I'm getting at, but it's so complex I'd better shut up and go and make my Dad his breakfast. At least that's one thing I can achieve with guaranteed success.

llamarammma · 18/05/2024 09:27

Itsrainingten · 18/05/2024 07:51

@Uniqueusername2 I agree with this. If I was an ambulance dispatcher with only 1 ambulance on the road, if a call came in about a 90 year old having a heart attack and a 15 year old also having one, I'd prioritise getting the only ambulance to the 15 year old. I genuinely don't believe anyone wouldn't.

Or lets fund the service and the staff working in it? How about a different approach to the rather binary slant of old vs young.

Itsrainingten · 18/05/2024 07:51

@Uniqueusername2 I agree with this. If I was an ambulance dispatcher with only 1 ambulance on the road, if a call came in about a 90 year old having a heart attack and a 15 year old also having one, I'd prioritise getting the only ambulance to the 15 year old. I genuinely don't believe anyone wouldn't.

Fargo79 · 18/05/2024 07:48

Uniqueusername2 · 18/05/2024 05:11

No, not performing open heart surgery on a 95 year old, when elsewhere funding cuts mean there’s no ambulance to save the life of a dying child. I’m talking about sensible resource allocation, not killing people

There are enough resources. They are misappropriated by the elite, stolen and handed over to the mates of our corrupt government etc. But rarely do we see anyone advocating for this to be addressed; just for vulnerable groups to be cast adrift to plug the gaps created by poor policy and greed.

There is no reason why a 95 year old who has been assessed to have a good chance of surviving surgery and recovering a decent quality of life should be denied surgery. And there's no reason why this should mean that a child wouldn't receive the life saving care they need.

Thevelvelletes · 18/05/2024 06:38

TonTonMacoute · 16/05/2024 18:03

The Nazis also killed disabled people, homosexuals, gipsies and many other groups of people they regarded as being undesirable in some way.

Exactly,once you're on the road to iradicating A particular group that don't meet a certain criteria then where does it stop.
Past history tells us it didn't.

Uniqueusername2 · 18/05/2024 05:11

VestibuleVirgin · 15/05/2024 17:07

So, selective euthanasia?

No, not performing open heart surgery on a 95 year old, when elsewhere funding cuts mean there’s no ambulance to save the life of a dying child. I’m talking about sensible resource allocation, not killing people

Uniqueusername2 · 18/05/2024 05:08

K0OLA1D · 15/05/2024 18:37

So my able bodied nan, who is in better physical shape than me, needs to just throw the towel in if she needs help at 90? In just 3 years time? She has my dc for tea twice a week. I'll let her know

No. She is fine. My mum. Who another family member refused to let
go when she was ready and put her through 3 years of indignity being bed bound and having strangers wipe her bottom, only occasionally being in her right mind and realizing what a horrific situation she was in. 3 years of unnecessary suffering because life must be prolonged at all cost even when the quality and enjoyment has gone. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
was I talking about your perfectly fit able bodied nan? Of course not. I do think the nhs needs to consider the cost benefit of expensive operations on people 90+ though. people are going to start dying because the nhs is crumbling. If you can save a 19 year old or a 90 year old, I think the younger person should win that decision.

Livingtothefull · 17/05/2024 20:23

Thank you so much @Rosscameasdoody yes he brings me a great deal of joy & I can't do without him. My biggest fear though is that in the future he could be at risk from people, and/or a society, which see him only as a burden and an inconvenience.

Judging from some of the comments on here, it is a very reasonable risk. I note that several of them bristled at references to Nazis....they evidently resent this as they consider themselves decent people. I am sure that they really are; but I don't think they understand or have thought through the implications of what they are saying, or how much distress it can cause.

I have a very frail elderly relative in a care home too. I don't know for sure what his current quality of life is (can't see into his head) but I do know that in assessing his value we should consider the whole arc of his life and the contributions that he has made throughout. We would conclude that he deserves to be cared for and respected, and his best interests prioritised, in this last phase of his life; rather than shunted aside as a defective 'unit of productivity'.

Againname · 17/05/2024 20:20

It’s the mark of a civilised society to make sure that the vulnerable are cared for and have all they need to live their best life, and that those who care for them are supported in every way possible.

Yes this.

With Dignitas. I've thought for some time I'd want to go at some point in the future. I dread needing care or extreme unrelenting pain. However I'm very aware I might change my mind if and when it happens to me. I'd like there to be the choice, but that's the important thing. Free choice. Nobody should ever be 'encouraged' to do something like that because of being deemed 'undeserving' of care or 'a burden'.

Rosscameasdoody · 17/05/2024 19:57

Livingtothefull · 17/05/2024 19:19

'The moment I have to rely on anyone else is the moment I’ll be hopping on the first plane to Dignitas.'

You see, reading a comment like this sets my teeth on edge. Anything can happen at any time to anyone, so that they can find themselves relying on other people.

My DS is severely physically and mentally disabled, relies entirely on others and will do for the rest of his life. Some posters would want to argue that his life is not worth living? Try telling my boy that.....he is the happiest person I know.

And I am actually fairly sympathetic towards assisted dying. But only if it is freely chosen by the individual, as an informed decision, and with strong safeguards in place. From one or two of the posts on here I would really worry that it could lead to people being regarded as a burden and being persuaded/coerced into decisions not in their interest.

So: informed and person-focused decisions based solely on the needs and best interests of the individual. Anything less is uncivilised.

I’m so sorry for your situation, and yet so humbled by the joy your son so obviously brings you. Every life is worth living. It’s the mark of a civilised society to make sure that the vulnerable are cared for and have all they need to live their best life, and that those who care for them are supported in every way possible. . unfortunately we’re a long way from that in the UK and some of the opinions expressed here are a stark explanation as to why.

Rosscameasdoody · 17/05/2024 19:48

PuppyFeet · 17/05/2024 18:45

Please consider your rather sweeping statement of ‘The moment I have to rely on anyone else is the moment I’ll be hopping on the first plane to Dignitas.’…. Due to a brain tumour I am no longer able to drive so I have to rely on others to get around as public transport is very bad in our area…. I work full time remotely ( paying good taxes), volunteer online and locally and otherwise fell I contribute to family life. However, as I have to rely on others, should I be going to Dignitas?

Don’t concern yourself. I’ll tell you why. The people who say something akin to ‘The moment I have to rely on anyone else is the moment I’ll be hopping on the first plane to Dignitas’ are talking utter bollocks. They’re not there yet. Most are years away and can’t comprehend what it’s like to be the person you’ve been all your life and now locked into a body that doesn’t work properly any more. The will to live overrides most things. You just don’t realise it until your 66 going on 16.

Livingtothefull · 17/05/2024 19:19

'The moment I have to rely on anyone else is the moment I’ll be hopping on the first plane to Dignitas.'

You see, reading a comment like this sets my teeth on edge. Anything can happen at any time to anyone, so that they can find themselves relying on other people.

My DS is severely physically and mentally disabled, relies entirely on others and will do for the rest of his life. Some posters would want to argue that his life is not worth living? Try telling my boy that.....he is the happiest person I know.

And I am actually fairly sympathetic towards assisted dying. But only if it is freely chosen by the individual, as an informed decision, and with strong safeguards in place. From one or two of the posts on here I would really worry that it could lead to people being regarded as a burden and being persuaded/coerced into decisions not in their interest.

So: informed and person-focused decisions based solely on the needs and best interests of the individual. Anything less is uncivilised.

Elvisthedonkey · 17/05/2024 18:48

@PuppyFeet Very sorry to hear that, it must be very scary and I hope the treatment works well.

PuppyFeet · 17/05/2024 18:45

Elvisthedonkey · 14/05/2024 22:11

Completely agree. Quality over quantity I say; the tax burden for keeping people alive those few extra years (usually with little to no quality of life) means that everyone is struggling so much more than they might if we drew the line a bit earlier. The moment I have to rely on anyone else is the moment I’ll be hopping on the first plane to Dignitas.

Please consider your rather sweeping statement of ‘The moment I have to rely on anyone else is the moment I’ll be hopping on the first plane to Dignitas.’…. Due to a brain tumour I am no longer able to drive so I have to rely on others to get around as public transport is very bad in our area…. I work full time remotely ( paying good taxes), volunteer online and locally and otherwise fell I contribute to family life. However, as I have to rely on others, should I be going to Dignitas?

Rosscameasdoody · 17/05/2024 18:37

Livingtothefull · 17/05/2024 15:09

So you think that rather than life enhancing surgery she should be doped up on painkillers and left to wait it out until she dies?

How about we leave it to individuals to make these decisions, in consultation with their doctors about their best interests, rather than seeking to dictate these within a social policy?

There are some on MN who clearly believe that if you are ‘a drain on society’ you should be denied benefits, live on gruel, exist in the dark and wait quietly in the corner for the sweet release of death.

Rosscameasdoody · 17/05/2024 18:34

Itsrainingten · 17/05/2024 14:33

Erm of course it's about survival rates! Or at least partly. There's no point in spending out on a new hip if the person isn't likely to survive the op. That's why I was surprised to see that the vast majority do. And it has changed my view a bit.

For my mum’s surgeon it wasn’t about survival rates. It was about the amount of pain she was in and progressing to stronger and stronger painkillers which were ravaging her health. He advised that at her age and with co-morbidities, there was a strong possibility that she wouldn’t survive the op, but that it was worth the risk because she had zero quality of life anyway and living in constant pain was wearing her out and shortening her life. He was right - after the op, she never looked back. It’s the mark of a civilised society as to how we look after the sick, the elderly and the disabled. We’re one of the richest countries in the world and we’re failing at all three. Meanwhile the top 1% are having a ball and would have us believe in trickle down economics. Nothing trickles down because it’s all sucked up.

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 17/05/2024 18:20

Itsrainingten · 17/05/2024 14:11

Of course it would be disgusting to leave someone in extreme pain. Which is why I didn't say I'd do that. I'd have signed off on whatever meds were needed to ensure she didn't suffer from pain.
And it's not just a financial thought anyway. There's also the likelihood that at 90 most people who are incapacitated due to such a major op aren't going to be able to regain the strength afterwards to be back on their feet. In which case it would have been pointless. Plus the strain to the body of a general anaesthetic, plus the length of time needed to recover in hospital (assuming they did recover at all). In fact the more I think about it, the more unlikely it seems that a hip op would be done at that age at all!

But with meds there are the side effects to contend with... I'm not medical but I do remember my dad suffering terribly from the side effects of strong pain meds to the point where he sometimes used to say he'd prefer the pain. Obviously that's just one person, but ykwim.

I take your point re the strain on the body from such a massive op, but then it does depend on the individual. My MIL is 85 and I reckon she could withstand a hip op, she's healthier than me (56). 😄

WearyAuldWumman · 17/05/2024 18:10

Rosscameasdoody · 17/05/2024 14:30

It’s not about the survival rates though, it’s about improving mobility and quality of life. Pain meds can’t do that with the type of pain from conditions requiring this type of surgery. If someone is deemed fit for surgery, then regardless of age they should have whatever they need if it’ll make life better for them.

Agreed.

Last year, at the age of 63 I was told that I'll have to wait 'at least 10 yrs' for knee replacements. At the same consultation I was told for the first time that my problem is a genetic condition - patella alta. Basically, my knees are set a bit higher up than they should be, meaning that they sometimes spontaneously dislocate, particularly when I'm going down a slope or downstairs. (A fortnight before I quit my permanent post, I had a spectacular fall down the main staircase at work, much to the delight of some of the fourth years: quoth one, "AAAAW! I just missed it!" I was just relieved my skirt didn't go up and reveal my bloomers.)

There's a bit of osteoarthritis in the knees as well, but that's not causing the main problem.

I asked about exercise, physio...Was simply told not to cycle, not to run, not to do the breast stroke, avoid slopes/hills (in Scotland?!) and avoid working in schools with stairs...Oh yes - he also helpfully told me that if I have to get down on the floor to make sure that I have something to grab onto so that I can get up again and to kneel on a cushion.

I pointed out that I was already using that 'strategy' whenever I have to kneel. I managed to bite my tongue in order to stop myself from querying whether he thought I was stupid.

Fortunately for me, I was given the shoulder decompression I needed (for a problem caused by years of moving and handling my late mum and my late husband). The consultant who operated on me - God bless him - did refer me for physio. (I had stressed that I need to be able to live independently and to be able to garden and to play my musical instrument again.)

The physio was marvellous - she looked at all of my problems. After a few sessions I was referred to the class I now attend weekly. Both she and the class leader emphasised that it's impossible to do as the knee consultant asked/advised - in order to stay mobile at all, I need to exercise my thigh muscles. In order to do that, inevitably, I have to use my knees if I'm to have any kind of quality of life.

I'm now trying to figure whether I can afford to go private. Apparently, there's an op for patella alta which sometimes means that you don't need the knee replacements.

I'm still in pain for my knees, but I'm ignoring that as best as I can. (Can only take so many paracetamol and they only take the edge off.)

If I hadn't been referred for that particular class, I'd have been better off dead. It was getting harder and harder to get myself out of a seat.

The class leader started me off by getting me to stand from a reasonably high chair whilst lifting a 2kg weight. I'm now increased my reps to a minimum of 3 sets of 10 and I'm using a 4kg weight. At home, I'm getting out of a seat without having to push up with my arms.

I'm still using stairs and going up and down slopes. I have to be able to live.

Livingtothefull · 17/05/2024 15:09

Itsrainingten · 17/05/2024 10:49

"See my previous post. My great nan had a hip at 90 and died at 98, 2 weeks before her 99th birthday. Should she have just been left?"

Honestly. If I was in charge of budgets, no I wouldn't have signed off on a hip replacement for a 90 year old. That's the truth. I'd have absolutely signed off on painkillers or whatever meds would have made her remaining time more comfortable. But a major op? No.
But it's irrelevant really. Because she got one and it apparently went well. So good for her.

So you think that rather than life enhancing surgery she should be doped up on painkillers and left to wait it out until she dies?

How about we leave it to individuals to make these decisions, in consultation with their doctors about their best interests, rather than seeking to dictate these within a social policy?

Swipe left for the next trending thread