Page 2 | TW child SA!! Name these people?

Trulyme · 2024-05-14T18:52:30+00:00

Trigger warning!! Child sexual abuse/rape. I have been reading the following news article and it’s absolutely vile! Any peadophilia is awful but it makes it feel somehow worse when a parent, who is meant to protect their child, is the one abusing them/facilitating it. Fortunately, it sounds as though this little girl wasn’t physically harmed and they were caught before any physical contact took place. But AIBU to think that the mum and her lover should be named and shamed? I understand that the child’s identity needs protecting but these people are horrific and not being named is protecting them. Why should they get to have an easy life and pretend to have been sent to prison for something else, when they are the awful human beings. What to you think? Should they be named and shamed or is it right that their names aren’t given to protect the child? [[https://www.cornwalllive.com/news/cornwall-news/mum-planned-drug-daughter-aged-9282295?utm_source=cornwall_live_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Cornwall+Live+-+Truro+Live+Newsletter_newsletter&utm_content=&utm_term=&ruid=805772e0-79b8-496a-abb0-3f10b9b8f07c https://www.cornwalllive.com/news/cornwall-news/mum-planned-drug-daughter-aged-9282295?utm_source=cornwall_live_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Cornwall+Live+-+Truro+Live+Newsletter_newsletter&utm_content=&utm_term=&ruid=805772e0-79b8-496a-abb0-3f10b9b8f07c]]

VestibuleVirgin · 14/05/2024 22:09

Trulyme · 14/05/2024 21:38

Perhaps that will teach you not to be so rude to other posters when they misspell a word.

Not everyone on here has English as their first language, are perfect spellers, have English as the predictive text or just aren’t perfect all of the time.

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Funny that you've leapt on that, but have not resonded to my replies to you.
But yes, I am happy to admit I was hoist by my own petard her, and apologise.

FuckTheClubUp · 14/05/2024 21:59

VestibuleVirgin · 14/05/2024 20:15

Firstly, the spelling is paedophille, not peadophile
Secondly, you seem the type of person who would sit knitting while the guillotine fell
Thirdly, if you really are a prison officer, you have a disgusting and judgemental attitude to those in your care. Yes, prisons are there to punish by depriving person of liberty. But they are also about rehabilitation so recidivism is lowered. Do you subscribe to that, because if not, you are in the wrong job.

All of this is not to saty I support the actions of such people, just disgusted by your attitude

Edited

‘Disgusting and judgemental attitude to those in your care?’ Just to confirm, we’re talking about people who abuse children right? Not someone who stole a car or something like that? Your whole post is madness

Original poster

Trulyme · 14/05/2024 21:52

IAmThe1AndOnly · 14/05/2024 21:41

when the OP says she's worked in prisons I suspect she means she "worked" in the prison she "or maybe it's a he" was in, iykwim? ;)

Grow up.

If you want to troll or post a witty remark for laughs or likes, then please go and do it on another thread.
Not one about child abuse.

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Original poster

Trulyme · 14/05/2024 21:47

KreedKafer · 14/05/2024 21:32

OF COURSE they shouldn’t be named because that would be a massive breach of the child’s right to anonymity. Why should a child have to live with everyone knowing this happened to them, just so people can have their prurient curiosity satisfied?

What do you want to do? Look them up on Facebook and gawp at their profiles and try to figure out who their families are and where their siblings work? What do you gain from knowing these people’s names?

No I never thought for me personally (I don’t have Facebook).

But these people have carried out horrendous acts and most of which will go unnoticed in the future.

Of course they could change their names but there are some prolific criminals that cannot escape what they’ve done because people know who they are and therefore they cannot lead normal lives.

Both this man and woman will be out in a few years (most paedophiles get less time than drug dealers) and they will be free to date other people with kids and get jobs and have relatively normal lives.
And this child (and any future victims) will be messed up for life.
That makes me angry.

Yes it is probably misdirected anger but these sorts of people do not suddenly see the error of their ways and change, they will be on the lookout for their next victim before they’ve even left prison.

It frustrates me that more can’t be done but the victim is the most important person and what’s best for her should come first.

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IAmThe1AndOnly · 14/05/2024 21:41

when the OP says she's worked in prisons I suspect she means she "worked" in the prison she "or maybe it's a he" was in, iykwim? ;)

Original poster

Trulyme · 14/05/2024 21:38

VestibuleVirgin · 14/05/2024 21:24

So sorry, @BirthdayRainbow You are correct. Je suis un idiot!! I added an extra l and didn't see it myself!

Off to eat worms....

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Perhaps that will teach you not to be so rude to other posters when they misspell a word.

Not everyone on here has English as their first language, are perfect spellers, have English as the predictive text or just aren’t perfect all of the time.

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Original poster

Trulyme · 14/05/2024 21:35

Ihopeithinkiknow · 14/05/2024 21:18

That will teach you for spelling something incorrectly or using a lot of !!!!! Lol honestly it's a joke on here sometimes

🤣🤣 I know!

I did not think a thread about child abuse would have posters judging my spelling or punctuation.

I guess that what Mumsnet is now.
I forgot how batshit it was sometimes.

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Original poster

Trulyme · 14/05/2024 21:33

martinisforeveryone · 14/05/2024 21:11

@Trulyme it’s always going to be a problem as to what to do with these people. The law isn’t perfect, but hopefully they won’t be getting off scott free, both the mother and her boyfriend of sorts are on trial for serious offences. They may not be handed the sentences and punishment we’d like but in our country we attempt to seek recognition, reeducation and rehabilitation along with a loss of liberty and many years marked on the SA register.
Careers, homes, family and friends will be lost as a consequence.

Sometimes we have to settle for the best ‘reasonable’ outcome and if lesser shame for the guilty, protects the innocent, then so be it. I don’t think you or me knowing names would make a bit of difference.

Yes you are absolutely right.

I am proud of our country because we do take things like this more seriously than some other countries do.

And the victim/child is the most important person here and what is best for them should be the only thing that matters.

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KreedKafer · 14/05/2024 21:32

OF COURSE they shouldn’t be named because that would be a massive breach of the child’s right to anonymity. Why should a child have to live with everyone knowing this happened to them, just so people can have their prurient curiosity satisfied?

What do you want to do? Look them up on Facebook and gawp at their profiles and try to figure out who their families are and where their siblings work? What do you gain from knowing these people’s names?

VestibuleVirgin · 14/05/2024 21:24

BirthdayRainbow · 14/05/2024 20:30

You are wrong. It is spelt paedophile

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So sorry, @BirthdayRainbow You are correct. Je suis un idiot!! I added an extra l and didn't see it myself!

Off to eat worms....

Ihopeithinkiknow · 14/05/2024 21:18

That will teach you for spelling something incorrectly or using a lot of !!!!! Lol honestly it's a joke on here sometimes

martinisforeveryone · 14/05/2024 21:11

@Trulyme it’s always going to be a problem as to what to do with these people. The law isn’t perfect, but hopefully they won’t be getting off scott free, both the mother and her boyfriend of sorts are on trial for serious offences. They may not be handed the sentences and punishment we’d like but in our country we attempt to seek recognition, reeducation and rehabilitation along with a loss of liberty and many years marked on the SA register.
Careers, homes, family and friends will be lost as a consequence.

Sometimes we have to settle for the best ‘reasonable’ outcome and if lesser shame for the guilty, protects the innocent, then so be it. I don’t think you or me knowing names would make a bit of difference.

Original poster

Trulyme · 14/05/2024 21:10

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/05/2024 21:00

I have had my own experiences of this as a child and felt cheated because my abusers got to walk around without any judgement and I saw it in many of the men I used to work with too, most of which reoffended as soon as they got out.

I'm very sorry that happened to you and understand the anger.

I appreciate that, thank you.

I have never acted unprofessionally at work (I went home and cried a few times or spent too long in the shower).

I wouldn’t have worked in prisons if I couldn’t act professionally.
I still work with offenders now but not in an actual prison.

But out of work I do use non politically correct terms like peados because that’s what they are and it is almost a flippant remark that I don’t need to overthink.

In every prison I’ve worked in, all of the staff use the word paedos and paedophiles to describe them (when not around other prisoners) and no one has ever said it was inappropriate or unprofessional.

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CammyChameleon · 14/05/2024 21:09

Trulyme · 14/05/2024 21:03

That’s very sad!

What it has reminded me of is my neighbour who was abused from birth to around 8 by her stepdad.

She was never bullied because of it and in fact everyone was extra nice to her because of what she went through. But she was always known for that and even if she didn’t have all of the trauma from the abuse, she would have never had a normal life because we all knew and treated her differently because of it.

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My friend wasn't bullied for it either, but he knew people knew and fretted that they thought he was like his dad and would turn out to be a predator.

Original poster

Trulyme · 14/05/2024 21:03

CammyChameleon · 14/05/2024 20:55

Finding out their dad was a paedophile combined with being known as "that paedo's kid" once the local paper got hold of it was enough to make a friend of mine attempt suicide.

No one can fix what was done to this poor little girl, but they can protect her from being "that paedo's kid".

That’s very sad!

What it has reminded me of is my neighbour who was abused from birth to around 8 by her stepdad.

She was never bullied because of it and in fact everyone was extra nice to her because of what she went through. But she was always known for that and even if she didn’t have all of the trauma from the abuse, she would have never had a normal life because we all knew and treated her differently because of it.

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WinterMorn · 14/05/2024 21:02

iamwhatiam23 · 14/05/2024 21:01

You cannot rehabilitate a nonce! They will always be one!!

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I was waiting someone to say this…..you win!

iamwhatiam23 · 14/05/2024 21:01

VestibuleVirgin · 14/05/2024 20:15

Firstly, the spelling is paedophille, not peadophile
Secondly, you seem the type of person who would sit knitting while the guillotine fell
Thirdly, if you really are a prison officer, you have a disgusting and judgemental attitude to those in your care. Yes, prisons are there to punish by depriving person of liberty. But they are also about rehabilitation so recidivism is lowered. Do you subscribe to that, because if not, you are in the wrong job.

All of this is not to saty I support the actions of such people, just disgusted by your attitude

Edited

You cannot rehabilitate a nonce! They will always be one!!

VestibuleVirgin · 14/05/2024 21:00

StormingNorman · 14/05/2024 20:39

I also judge paedophiles quite harshly. I’ll try to think more kindly about them in future.

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Again, read the post. I was referring to the fact thatcthe point of prison was both punishment and rehab for all prisoners.
I can assure you, as someone who was abused as a child, i do not look 'kindly' upon them

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/05/2024 21:00

I have had my own experiences of this as a child and felt cheated because my abusers got to walk around without any judgement and I saw it in many of the men I used to work with too, most of which reoffended as soon as they got out.

I'm very sorry that happened to you and understand the anger.

Original poster

Trulyme · 14/05/2024 20:59

martinisforeveryone · 14/05/2024 20:52

But it’s repeatedly been spelled out that it’s not primarily about the offenders having an easier life, it’s rightly about the victim not having a worse one.

Everything reported is online now and stays online in one form or another. Local people may know who this child is, but they have the chance of moving away and not having this follow and blight their life being public knowledge in perpetuity.

Surely you see and agree with that.

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Yes absolutely and I do agree with that.

As she gets older then it’s up to her to decide whether to give out the identity of her mum and lover.

My initial reaction was that why should these people get away with it but thanks to the few sensible/non trolling posters like yourself, I have thought straight and realised that even though it’s so unfair that they get to hide their identity, it is what’s best for the victim who is the most important person at the end of the day.

I have had my own experiences of this as a child and felt cheated because my abusers got to walk around without any judgement and I saw it in many of the men I used to work with too, most of which reoffended as soon as they got out.

But that is my own experiences clouding my judgement, which isn’t fair and as you say with the internet now, then there is literally no getting away from it.

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MrsTerryPratchett · 14/05/2024 20:59

You've used the phrase 'politically correct' a few times now. I explained why it wasn't about that, politely. You think saying that is a gotcha that somehow my woke, leftie, politically correct nonsense is wrong because you call it that. That might work when you talk to idiots, but I'm not 'fucking stupid'. So you should explain why punishing offenders by publishing their names is more important than child protection.

I was relying on the other intelligent posters to repeatedly address your total lack of understanding of the reason for anonymity. Which they have. You still aren't listening though.

VestibuleVirgin · 14/05/2024 20:58

BirthdayRainbow · 14/05/2024 20:30

You are wrong. It is spelt paedophile

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No, it is not: look it up

paedophile noun [ C ] UK (US pedophile)UK /ˈpiː.də.faɪl/ US

WinterMorn · 14/05/2024 20:57

@Trulyme do you really not understand the points repeatedly being made here, or are you deliberately being obtuse?

VestibuleVirgin · 14/05/2024 20:55

Trulyme · 14/05/2024 20:30

Firstly, I’m dyslexic and do get spellings wrong and my predictive text doesn’t recognise your way of spelling - my apologies.

Secondly, I think the fact that you think grown adults who rape children can be rehabilitated is pretty sick tbh.

I have worked with many men who have done some very bad things, many of which can be rehabilitated and not reoffend if the proper support is put in place.

Paedophiles are not these men.

The reoffending rate for them is massive, because simply put they don’t care because they don’t see what they’ve done is wrong and many will continue to still actively find children, even when serving sentences.

I worry what type of poster you are if you are defending the actions of a paedophile and feeling sorry for them because I’m apparently not treating them with enough respect.

At work, I was always professional and I always tried not to think about what they may or may not have done.

But if you worked with child killers, rapists and most importantly paedos who have absolutely no remorse for their crimes and still get off on it with the other paedos on the wings, then you would be sat right next to me whilst the guillotine fell.

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Please re-read my post. At no time did I mention 'feeling sorry' for such men. As a victim of step-parent SA, i am more than qualified to have an opinion as to whether rehab works or not. And if you actually read the post, I am referring to your attitude to prisoners in general, not specifically saxual abusers.
So, before you 'worry about what kind of poster I am' and that I am defending yhe actions of sexual offenders, then please do fuck right off and try to comprehend what I was saying.
Btw, i was a nurse, so as well as personal experience of sa, i have cared for such people

CammyChameleon · 14/05/2024 20:55

Finding out their dad was a paedophile combined with being known as "that paedo's kid" once the local paper got hold of it was enough to make a friend of mine attempt suicide.

No one can fix what was done to this poor little girl, but they can protect her from being "that paedo's kid".