Bloody Prize giving

I was genuinely on your side until this.

You’ve had a hard time on here OP. This thread reminded me of my History teacher who would never pick me for an award - even when I got the highest marks in the country in my A-level, she still awarded the cup to another girl. (Yes I’m still slightly annoyed 25 years later 😤)

It is frustrating. My DD was always overlooked as she’s shy. We nearly fell over when we saw her name on the award leaflet for a special outstanding award when we turned up (we knew she had some individual subject ones). The only reason she got it is because it was on attainment, the girl with the highest marks in mocks. Then teachers started taking notice of her, especially when they realised her brother had been at the school a few years earlier and won numerous awards. These awards always seem to go to the same kids all the time and it does get annoying. It was a big boost when my DD won, but as I said only because they had no choice but to give it to her due to her results!

Also, doesn't it rather defeat the point of a grammar school if they take an "inclusive" approach?

If I wanted that ethos, I'd probably have looked elsewhere to educate my DC.

It does happen - DD dominated nearly every single subject but 2 - she wasn't given a single award despite getting 100% in most. She is very well behaved, good at sports etc. Yes favouritism does exist. Our school would even create random prizes to award their favourites.

She is at a different school and still a top achiever - she has been given so many awards so far. The best thing we did for her was move her.

You can either

1. stay at the school but find other ways to acknowledge your high achieving child. There are other out of school programs that she can sign up for, including writing competitions etc.
2. remove your child from the school
3. stay there and suck it up - don't complain, they will treat your child differently.

What’s more, this girl is never going to have pay for living costs because she’s clearly living in your head rent free!

All grammar schools has at least one kid like this in every year group. I appreciate you think your daughter's performance is very good but again it is a grammar school, so a lot will be in the exact same boat as her and won't get anything.
Their system indicates it's not favouritism. Giving it to people just because they haven't got it yet is just tokenism, the prize would lose all meaning. As you said yourself the obligatory star of the week in primary is just given out in turns.

The local paper in my hometown publishes old photos and I was shocked and horrified to find a 20 year old photo featured me as a prize winner during my school days. Have no recollection of this or any idea what I would have been acknowledged for. They really don't matter.

Why the heck does it matter so much? It's a school diploma, not a Nobel prize! I can guarantee this won't affect her future job prospects.
The fact you asked for clarification also outed you as 'that parent' and probably trashed her chances. Are you pushy?

Not really. Most academically gifted people excel across the board, especially in general education settings.

Not really. Most academically gifted people excel across the board, especially in general education settings.

Unfortunately there is an exceptional student who has been recognised as such by all departments. This is life - more talented people (or richer or prettier or more privileged or whatever) take the prizes. It’s a shame for your dd but a lesson everyone will learn in time. Sometimes it’s you - mostly it’s not.

Having a child that is an extremely high achiever ie academic, sporty, art, music drama etc can bring it's own issues. I know parents who had a child who went throughout school in this category & although he was fairly popular, his parents were often snubbed despite being lovely people who would talk to anyone given the chance.

Haven't RTWT, but I guess at some point schools need to start transitioning from the primary school approach of giving awards to everyone, in some cases just for breathing, to a more realistic approach where not everyone wins prizes and it's based on some actual merit rather than simply turning up. Of course that will ruffle some feathers as we'd all like our children, however lazy and mediocre, to be recognised for their achievements, even if in actual fact they don't really have any beyond the very average.

I'm not saying your DD falls into this category, OP, but most of us are average and will have average children who aren't very impressive to those around them, although we of course love them greatly. Personally I take comfort in the fact that a lot of "average" people, who were probably unrecognised at school, appear to have just as happy and successful lives as the school "superstars" albeit they're not quantum physicists. And there's a lot to be said in life for not becoming too dependant on external validation to motivate yourself. If you have constantly been feted and told how wonderful you are throughout school, I imagine it can be a shock when suddenly no one really cares anymore.

Winning awards for academic excellence is just a lucky accident of genetics.
My db is 13 months younger than me and a true academic, I’m not.
I worked just as hard at school but don’t have his brain.
Winning awards for effort probably counts for more imo.

My dd also had to work twice as hard as her friends to keep up, she never won anything either.
The school bully won the services to the community award whilst the girl she bullied sat sobbing with frustration.

School awards mean nothing.

I remember exactly which girl dominated every subject in my year at secondary school. She was one of my close friends. I saw the work she put in to make sure she got those high results. I was pleased when she got all the awards across most subjects. And I remember being chuffed when I got more marks than her in a mock paper!

My DD can tell you who this person is in her year group. A few months ago, DD was proud as punch telling me that she got a higher mark in a mock paper than her person. So I relayed my similar 30 yr old story to her and we had a giggle.

Other parents don't seem to have the same issue of their children getting absolutely no awards despite consistently doing well.

So you have a problem with it, your DD has a problem with it but the other parents don't seem to have the same issue.

I think your "issue" says far more about you and how you've raised DD than the way the school works their prize giving.

Why? My best friend at Grammar school (maybe yours!) won every single “Achievement” award for the subjects she took at GCSE and A-Level. Those awards were given to the highest achiever. She was the brightest at all her subjects. Can’t be that unlikely surely - a clever child is a clever child?

Most schools f they have a prize giving at all either do it so the top 3 in the end if year exam for the subject get the prizes (which inevitably means the same group of kids getting a lot of prizes) or they impose a limit of a maximum of one or two and spread them out.

The effort prizes are always more spread out anyway.

It is definitely the case that you frequently get teens who excel at everything. Not necessarily in every year group but they are pretty common and most secondary teachers will have met a few. They're the kind of kid who when you ask about extra-curriculars for their personal statement you discover they have family around the world and speak 4 different languages at home and play 3 instruments as well.

Some students really are a lot cleverer than others. Oxbridge mostly don't take teens early any more as it tends to mess them up socially but it's the kind of kid who once upon a time would have gone to uni early,

Yuck.
How grim and tedious.

Hmmmm, I was that annoying kid who won an award every year, but I definitely wasn’t a favourite.

The school ds3 attends give awards for academic achievement and for merits received throughout the year so there is always a chance for less academic children to win a prize and it’s roughly half and half too so plenty of chances. Ds3 and two of his closest friends are “straight A” students and have had a few awards over the years but there are two boys in the year who have sat exams 1 or 2 years early and are getting almost full marks in every exam. One of them also excels in extracurricular activities. They are also lovely, hard working lads. Nobody should grudge them their awards.

You've shown 16 different subject awards there, each of which is giving out 6 prizes. That's 96 prizes for starters.

That ignores Geography, PE, any awards for other DT subjects (graphic design, resistant materials), and all the essay awards.

The three children have scored 20 awards between them for main subjects. But that still leaves 76 plus another 12+ (potentially 30) to go to other pupils.

Even if it averages 5 per pupil they'll still have recognised over 20 pupils in the year which doesn't seem too bad for recognising top effort and attainment really?

If they maxed their prizes out at one per pupil, with that number of prizes everyone in the year would get one.

My school used to limit them and it was fine, it's not something I have a particular opposition to, but we only had one prize per subject and then some school prizes.

Some are, but oddly enough they aren't always the ones who do best in University or in life in general. I did well at school, very well, but wasn't dux. I got a first at university and the dux of my year at school did not. Someone who was at our school and did poorly is now earning more than either of us. Funny how life works out sometimes.

Hi OP, I was in your daughter’s position not so long ago. My best friend from childhood was amazing at EVERYTHING. Genuinely brilliant at maths, English, history, science to an amazing degree. It was really annoying as I was really bright and conscientious but always came second and felt overlooked. Ultimately we both got into good Russel groups and went down different paths but I feel coming second and being overlooked was probably a good life lesson for me. A lot of students at my top uni were used to being first and didn’t handle not being at the top very well had a bit to of a crisis when they realised theyre not special. I just got on with it and worked hard. I do acknowledge it’s rough on your daughter not being seen but there is always going to be someone better than her academically - that’s life.

You sound awful!

DS’s primary school had prize giving. Each class had best in class and most improved. Once they had been awarded a prize they were no longer eligible the following years. Bit of a farce really because everyone knew that being awarded it in the early years carried more kudos than in yr6 when most of the class were out of the running.

In yr 3, during rehearsals, DS and his friend were sat next to a box of programmes so found out who the class prize winners were. Since there was so much competition and speculation over them they decided to tell a a few of their year that they had won the prize, but not the actual winners. A number of parents must have complained because after that they stopped publishing the winners in the programme. DS and his friend had won the year before so not in the running.

It was very funny, DS fessed up the morning of prize giving, we were sat with his best friend’s parents who were also in on it. Obviously we were suitably cross with them. There were one or two very disgruntled parents that year.

In yr6 they handed out cups, conveniently they had enough cups for everyone. DS was awarded the academic allrounder cup, it still ruffled a few feathers.

At senior school they based it on exam results. It was a bit of a closed club that won prizes each year. The same group of allrounders were handed prizes. After yr8 prize giving no longer involved parents so I don’t know if DS was awarded any in these years. He always hated being “the clever one” and very much dumbed down.
He discovered that he didn’t need to put in any effort to pass exams comfortably. He did enough to get his predicted grades at A level and onto the uni course he chose.
He has life worked out, always keep plenty spare to make life comfortable and low stress.

No one will remember who won the prizes at school, because they mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things.